Misplaced Trust

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The sky is everywhere, but nowhere. The sun is in hiding and the clouds are drifting by nonchalantly. My heart is everywhere, but nowhere. I feel it pounding against my chest but a rush of sadness casually swims inside of me, as if the feeling of misery is second nature to me.

Ava sits on the edge of my bed, her hand in mine stroking the palm of my hand as her kind eyes fix on mine. I can hear ourselves telepathically communicate, our minds in perfect synchronisation. Her thoughts burn into my head and I just can't bare the disappointment she is conveying.

"What was I supposed to do? Beg him to stay with me?" I groan and pull away my hand from hers.

"He didn't mean what he said Mia. He just burst out. When people are hurt-," She starts lecturing, as if I don't know what people do when they are hurt. If she can't recall, I am the master, the Queen sitting on the throne ruling over the kingdom of pain. "They lash out on those they love most. That's how it is. Don't you remember, you did that to your parents, but that doesn't mean you don't love them."

"Are you comparing Cameron's love to me, as a mother daughter kind of love?" I whine, my eyes roll back into my sockets and I already feel like I've had enough.

"If you talk to him, get to see things through his eyes-," And that's just enough.

"He watched. He watched that guy hurt me Ava." I sigh, the words that are spilling out of her mouth leave me dumbfounded. How could she forgive Cameron? "If you weren't there, God knows what could've happened."

"Well, do you want to know the real reason that guy never came back?" Her eyes widen and her arms hug her chest as if she is about to get down to business. Serious talk.

"Spill."

"Cameron threatened the guy. After I took you home, Cameron called me to ask if you were okay. He wanted to come by but I said it was late, and you were already fast asleep so I didn't want him to disturb you. By morning, he came by when you were asleep. His eye was bruised and his knuckles bloody. He punched the guy; he punched him until he promised he would never hurt you again. If it wasn't for Cam, he'd be back by now." And the homely feeling of guilt comes back to me. Guilt sinks at the same time with my heart at the bottom of my stomach.

"I'll talk to him." I whisper, unable to find the words. How could I possibly apologise to someone who potentially saved my life? But most importantly, had the discretion to not bring it up. Any other guy would have boasted, but he didn't. He saved me the burden and locked it inside of him, protecting me and loving me at the same time.

-

"Open the door." And I'm back at square one. My knuckles banging on his front door, his footsteps pattering closer, the door swinging open and there he is. Standing patiently, his broad shoulders low and nonchalant.

"What? Have you come to insult me some more?" He blurts, his eyes casual and formal, hiding any hint of emotion.

"I'm sorry." I wrap my arms around his shoulders and I find myself tiptoeing to reach his neck, which I proceed to kiss. "I'm so, so, so very sorry." And I break into tears, the one thing I was trying to bite back, gone.

"I love you." And there it is, the forbidden and dangerous L-word. That can either act as poison or antidote. I am dumfounded and every apology I had previously practiced is gone like the wind. I stare at him and I get mesmerised as he bats his spider long eyelashes. Bat. Bat. Batty. Bat. Bat.

"I-I-thank you?" And crash, and burn. Well done Mia, you honestly know how to flirt, how to romance. Your drop dead gorgeous, hot boyfriend – who if I may add every girl desires – just declares his love to you and all you can say is thank you?

-

"You said thank you?" Mia mimics and falls back on my bed, her hand clasped over her stomach and she is hysterically rolling around in a fit of laughter; tears streaming down her eyes, her breath shortening, her stomach hurting kind of laughter.

"Stop it. It's not funny." My cheeks burn crimson and I cup them with my hands in hope that I can hide my embarrassment.

"It's not funny, it's hilarious." She barks and squiggles against the mattress.

"Cut it out." I moan.

"Okay Debby Downer."

"Can we do something fun tonight? I don't want to think about my thank yous anymore."

-

The sun is rising and the birds are chirping, the previous grey and dull clouds are now white, big and fluffy marshmallows. Ava and I decided that today was the perfect day for ice cream, so we find a table at the ice cream parlour and sit patiently whilst devouring our matching chocolate ice creams in a cone. Soon enough, the ice cream vanishes and all that is left from the ice cream is cone-crumbs.

"I scream for ice cream." Ava sings as she tosses her tissue in the nearest bin. "And she scores." She hisses as the scrunched up tissue lands successfully into the imaginary basketball hoop, which is actually a bin, where trash and filth is stored rather than victory.

"You suck." I giggle as she looks at me, seriousness filling her green eyes. "What now?" I sigh and realise that this is going to turn out to be another one of her world known lectures.

"Logan begged forgiveness." And I can see it, the guilt filling her lips; every word she spills is with guilt. She's said yes, I can feel it. I bet, that not only has she forgiven him, but also, she's gotten back with him.

"Say it." I roll my eyes and look straight in her eyes, waiting patiently for her to reveal her foolish decision.

"I said no. He broke my heart and I'm not ready to forgive him just yet." And with that, relief floats away. And a ton of weight lifts off me and I can see that the same weight lifts off her too. "I don't need a man to be happy."

I find myself grinning and she smiles from ear to ear. "I feel like a proud mama, come here." I envelop her in a bear hug, similar with the hug Lucy and I used to share. Our bodies so close and so warm, the beat of her heart pounding against her shirt and into mine. I can feel the du-dum du-dum and I find myself singing along in my head.

"I love you Mia." She giggles and I can tell she is trying to joke around.

In all seriousness, I genuinely reply. And this time, no thank yous. "I love you too Ava, more than you could possibly imagine. You're like a sister to me." I spill out the truth and the slightest bit of guilt eats at me. It's like I've forgotten about Lucy.

Lucy and I were close, very close. But we never shared secrets, deep secrets or our fears. Sure, she knew my favourite colour, who I might have fancied and vice versa. But if I were awake at 3am with tears stinging my eyes, she would never be the person I'd go to. Lucy would be asleep in the bed next door, but I would still pick up the phone and dial Ava.

Tears would rush like a waterfall and she wouldn't mind. She would hush and hush me back to calmness; she would give me advice and say that everything would be all right. She would say that whatever made me cry, was not worth my time and tears. She was the sister I had, but she was better. She was my person, my other me, the person who knew me better than I knew myself at times.

"Promise me, when you get married, I'll be your maid of honour?" She questions quizzically with a mischievous grin tattooed on her face and her perfectly sculpted eyebrow slightly cocked. "And you'll be mine?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I giggle at the silliness of her question. It's already sorted. She and I will travel the world, walk each other down the aisle and hand each other off to her loving future husband – whoever that may be. We would live next door; our kids – preferably – would fall in love. And I promise, if her son breaks my daughter's heart, there'll be revenge, but sweet and playful. Ava is my only, and very best friend after all.