Misplaced Trust

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

My heart is pounding against my chest and I feel like oxygen is running out. Right now, I'd feel most comfortable at the bottom of the swimming pool. Being awake, being alive, feeling my blood rush through my veins seems pointless without her in my life.

The birds are singing, the sun is smiling and the clouds are floating and I have no one by my side. Sure, Cameron is here, sure, he is right by my side, but she is missing, so the birds in my lungs are crying, the sun in me is losing its brightness and the clouds in my heart are sinking – they feel like they weigh a ton.

"Just talk to her." Cameron repeats for the thousandth time.

Is he not listening to me? I want to slap his face silly, I want to shake him, shake-shake-shake until he comes to his senses, I want to force him to wear his feet into my shoes, I want him to be me for a day. I want him to suffer the heartache I am going through, I want him to hurt, I want him to realise how it feels like to lose your best friend. Does he not realise, this feeling ... it's as if I am losing Lucy all over again.

"Get out of my house." I roar; my blood pulses and my veins want to explode. I want him out; I want him to go away.

He takes the hint; he looks into my sad eyes that feel like they are burning. Spits of fire explode from inside and I just don't want him to burn down with me. I want him away. Once he slams the door shut behind him, I let the waterworks spill.

I lie on my back and close my eyes; my eyelashes fall heavy and my mind drifts away, into a far, far away land. Ava's face moulds itself, each thought making her face clearer and clearer. Her heart shaped face, big emerald eyes, long perfect brown hair, and her sweet smile that could make rainy days sunny.

I force my eyes to stay shut and the movie that used to be us plays in my head. Memories roll through like episodes of a TV show. I let myself absorb into the flashbacks, every detail sculpted perfectly, every memory long and unbiased. I remember the movie that used to be us and I let it overpower me.

It was a Sunday afternoon and Ava and I were sitting by the lake. The crystal water was lying there as still as could be. White elegant swans floated on top of the calm water, their necks elongated and stretched up as if they were trying to reach up to the clouds.

We lay on our backs and the sun smiled down to us. Our hair intertwined and if the birds looked down at us, they would think our hair was one. It was a warm day, the summer breeze rushed on our skin and our toes wriggled around, taking in the soft feel of the white flowers that were planted in the grass we were laying on.

"Do you want to dive in?" She asked, and even though I could not see her soft green eyes, I could feel them smiling at me, full of mischief.

"Why the heck not?" I giggled and jumped up to find her already dipping her toes in the water.

She tested the water with her toes and as soon as she was sure, she jumped right in. And so did I, I jumped in after her, allowing the cool water to rush up to me, I allowed the water to cool off my hot body that was burning underneath the scorching sun. I allowed it to swirl around my hair. I rose from underneath the water and I took in a deep breath to find Ava model perfect.

Her slick hair framed her kind face and fell on her cheekbones that covered her cute little freckles. And her eyes, her sweet eyes that got her everything she wanted. Just one pout and a pierce with her big, green eyes could get her anything she desired, causing people to melt around those doll-like eyes.

"Logan asked me out on a date." She squealed as she swam closer to me, and twirled her hair around with her index finger.

"That's incredible. We need a code though, if something goes wrong, you need to message me ... for example ... rain. So, if you message me 'rain', I'll make up a fake phone call and get you out of there in no time."

"That's genius." She smiled a smile brighter than the sun.

And that was when I realised that she was the sun and I was the sky. She was the sun, bright, bold and happy. She was always there, at daytime she was always present. During the light hours, her presence was obvious and colourful. But during night time, where the moon, and the misery that comes along with it, the sun is hidden, but there. Its presence lingers but in the background. Even if you can't see the sun, it is there, just like Ava.

But now, it feels like it is dark, and the moon is replacing the happy and colourful yellow sun. The sun is fading away. On the other hand, the thought of her, the memory, the happiness of what used to be us still remains, so even though the sun may not be happy, bright and here in person, it still exists and wanders through my mind. So maybe right now is night, but as it does in life, night fades as does the moon, and the sun will rise again and so will Ava. She will come back, she has to.

And I am the sky. I have to be, it only makes sense. Since Ava is the sun, which is always there, company to the sky. So I can't be clouds – that are sometimes big and fluffy, and sometimes, light and transparent and almost invisible. And I can't be the rain – sad, miserable and temporary. I can't be temporary. I can't be replaced; I have to be the sky, permanently next to the sun, Ava. And I can't be a storm, loud, annoying and terrifying. I need to be the sky, and Ava needs to be the sun – the sun without the sky and the sky without the sun, just does not make any sense... it's almost non-existent. The sun and the sky are one. Ava and me are one. And that's how it is supposed to be.

So night time needs to fade, night needs to vanish. The moon needs to leave; the sun needs to become apparent. Ava needs to be back, or else the sky will come crumbling down in millions of broken pieces. And the world, my world, will never be the same.