A New Kind of Science / Holtzbert

CRACK!

A plethora of emotions ran through Erin Gilbert as she made her way up to the funky engineer she thought she knew. Was Patty just playing a sick joke on her? What would Holtzmann say if it was all a lie? What if it were true? What would she say to Holtzmann? What did she even think of the blonde, herself? She couldn't tell anymore. Every thought in her head had gone fuzzy and it seemed as though this was another one of her strange dreams. She had had a lot about her friendship with the short woman she noticed. It wasn't until this moment that she realized that. Everytime she had dreamt about Holtz, it involved work or the other girls were in it at least. But now she recalled all of them centering around her and Jillian. Jillian? Why had that name not struck her before meeting the blonde? After getting to know Holtzmann a bit more, Erin had begun to like the name more than she did before knowing the woman herself. What did that even mean? What did any of this mean? She reached the top step and realized...she still hadn't a clue what she was going to say. 

Taking a deep breath, Gilbert felt a lump rise in her throat, the hairs on the back of her neck stood, and even though her body temperature had risen...she felt a chill and she shivered with nerves. This was all too much! Why had she run up there in the first place? She didn't even give herself a minute before impulsively heading toward the staircase. How would she even approach the strange genius with the news that she now knew her secret? She didn't even know how she felt about the news herself. 'How do I react to something like this?'  She didn't want to break Holtzy's heart nor did she want to ask herself how to do so. 

In this moment, she hated her feet more than she ever had before when they disobeyed her brain and continued to enter the blonde's private lab. The moment she turned the corner into the room, she saw Jillian sitting at her table. Her head was rested in her hand and she leaned her elbow against the counter in front of her. The skin on her cheek was pushed up, forcing her right eye shut and her top lip was flipped up as if she were caught on a fish hook. While her right hand held the job of holding her head up, her left hand fiddled with the metal of the Nutcracker she had built, her pride and joy. 

"Uh, hey." Gilbert anxiously spoke with a shaky smile. She cleared her throat while she slowly walked closer to the other woman. Suddenly she felt nauseous, but fought it. "What's going on?" Her voice cracked and she swallowed after speaking.

Jill's only visible eye shot up to Gilbert and in a strange tone, she responded. "Nothing." 

Erin awkwardly nodded and she finally made her way to the spot across the table from Holtzmann with her hands oddly behind her back. She was about to start talking about Mary Anne when she remembered the day Holtzy had been having. This caused her to feel more sick as she felt her words about Kevin just moments ago probably made it even worse for her. Hmmm....Kevin. Gilbert looked down at the wooden surface between Holtz and herself and she began to understand how Jillian must feel. She knows what the woman must be thinking, because she had been having the same thoughts about Kevin. Wondering why they weren't together yet....wondering if he knew that she liked him...wondering if he ever thought about her or dreamed about her. Jillian probably wondered the same things. The queasiness in Gilbert's stomach grew, now knowing what Holtzmann must've been thinking all this time. 

'All this time? How long had she liked me?' Erin asked herself. Her strange behavior had been there the entire time they'd known each other, but she thought nothing of it. Maybe she didn't even like her that long, although...looking back, Erin did notice some things were said or done to her that she didn't catch Holtz doing with Patty or Abby. What was going on? She only gave HER a swiss army knife to protect herself at all times, not the other two. The moment she gave her that, she thought it was just a gesture of pity and maybe Holtz didn't think she was strong enough to take care of herself, but no. Now, it made sense. It all made more sense now. 

Erin was forced out of her thoughts when she was startled by the machine in front of Jillian going off when the blonde intentionally pressed the CRACK! button. Closing her eyes and feeling the butterflies in her gut, Erin took a deep breath. She now realized how long they'd been standing in silence and she opened her mouth to speak again. "Are you alright?" Jill finally put her hand down, giving her cheek a rest, and loudly groaned without an answer. "If there's anything you need to talk to me about...I'm here." Still, no answer...no eye contact. "You know that, right? You can tell me anything!" Gilbert tried to hint and CRACK! The brunette sighed. "Jillian."

The blonde's eyes closed and she barely whispered. "Please, don't call me that." It drove her crazy hearing her first name from the woman she loved and it was worse knowing she couldn't have her. 

"Okay. I'm sorry." The taller of the two corrected herself. "Holtzy. Please talk to me." 

Sighing, and finally picking her head up a bit more, she responded, "About what?" 

"I don't know. Anything?" Jill was about to press the button on the Nutcracker again, but Erin reached over the table and grabbed the pale woman's hand to stop her. "Or everything." Gilbert looked down at their touching skin, caught off guard by the warmth she felt in the contact.

The blonde shook, looking down at the contact herself and after a few seconds of comfort, she pulled her hand away before standing from her stool and taking a couple steps back. Finally looking into Erin's eyes, she started to realize something. Something a bit different in them. Something more....with more wisdom. "Everything?" She recoiled, sending Gilbert an accidental look from a puppy dog. 

The brunette softly smiled. "Yes. Everything."

Tears shot up through the sudden burning in her nose and filled her eyes, though she forced them to stay put. "Patty told you." She said it with certainty from observation.

"She...I-" Before Erin could finish, the blonde stormed out of the room, heading for the stairs. "Uh, Holtzmann!" The scholar whined while she walked away before following her. "Holtzmann, wait!" Now Gilbert felt tears in her own eyes as she watched her friend with so much anger and bottled up emotions. 

They made it to the bottom of the stairs and Kevin stood near his desk, eating an apple with a grin. Abby looked up from her computer, her eyes following the two women as they seemed to be heading for the door. Patty stood in the middle of the room, watching the blonde walking towards her. "Holtzmann..." The hurt and betrayed engineer walked right passed Patricia, acting as though the woman wasn't even standing there and she angrily grabbed her jacket near the door. 

"Holtzmann..." Erin called after her with grief. 

"I'm sorry." Patty stated when the front door was opened.

"I don't want to talk to you." Upon hearing the broken tone from Holtzy, Erin stopped chasing after her and she stood only a few feet in front of Patty as they watched her leave. 'Was she crying?' She asked herself, though she knew the answer.

The moment the door slammed, all three women were left speechless. Abby had stood from her chair in the event of Jillian grabbing her coat and taken a few steps around her desk. But she, as well as Patty and Erin, were frozen in their spots, staring at the door. "I've never seen her like that." Yates barely whispered loud enough for the rest to hear. Sighing, Gilbert slowly turned, looking up at Patricia. 

"What was all that about?" Kevin wondered before taking another bite of his apple.

No one answered him for a moment while Patty and Erin just stared at each other. Within a few seconds, Gilbert headed back to her desk while responding, "Nothing." She looked down at the floor while she walked.

"Are you and Julian fighting?" Beckman asked, immediately receiving a glare from Abby, who corrected him.

"Jillian, not Julian." 

"Oh. Yeah. That's what I meant." He took another bite and after swallowing, continued. "Does this mean you two are gonna break up?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Huh?" 

All three women turned and looked at him with pure shock. Abby, the first one to exclaim, raised her eyebrows. Patty, who turned her ear to him, wondering if she had heard correctly, took a step closer to his desk. Erin, whose tears were already close to erupting from her eyes, finally let a few fall upon hearing his question and they all awaited his explanation.