Castle Walls | Vicerylle

Epilogue

Nobody knows I'm all alone

Living in this castle made of stone

They say that money is freedom but I feel trapped inside it all

And while I sit so high up on a throne

I wonder how I can feel this low

On top of the world it's beautiful

But there's no place to fall

~

Karylle found herself stood sa harap ng puntod ni Parker. Hindi nya alam kung anong gagawin nya, di nya alam kung uupo ba sya sa damo or mananatili na lang nakatayo. In the four years na nawala si Parker, eto ang unang beses na pinuntahan nya ito. Vice and Hopia came din naman to support her but she requested that they stay inside the car since she wanted to be alone kapag hinarap nya na si Parker.

May hawak syang isang white rose na kulang na lang ay mabali dahil sa pagka higpit ng hawak nya dito. She placed it down sa may taas ng pangalan ni Parker and sat down on her legs. 

"Uy!" she started at dun pa lang ay naiiyak na sya, "Look Pogi, wala pa man naiiyak na si mommy..." sabi ni Karylle at niyugyog ang sarili nya to control her emotions, "Game na talaga... I'll try not to cry since our last days together were just spent by me crying, and you trying to comfort me... I'll be the strong one this time. Like the way it should have been, syempre ako yung mommy mo eh." Karylle picked the grass as she spoke while still looking directly sa tomb stone ng anak nya. 

"Parker, I'm sorry. Sorry if I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most..." Karylle tried to hard to hold back her tears, she could feel her throat closing up, she swallowed it down dahil ayaw nga nyang maiyak muna, "Sorry din kasi I let myself go... I allowed my emotions get the better of me. I've been in denial these past four years because I didn't want to let you go. I didn't want to let my baby go... Especially because we didn't get to say goodbye. I think that was the reason why it was so hard to let you go... We didn't have a goodbye baby pogi. There was no closure... I know it''s my fault din because I didn't even go to your funeral... I shut myself closed to the people that cared for me the most...  But I guess the reason I did that was because I didn't want to say goodbye. I wanted something more than throwing a piece of flower as they lower you down the ground. I want a real thing. I want at least a kiss on the cheek with you whispering goodbye... " sabi ni Karylle na pumiyok na at nag simula ng umiyak, "Sorry for crying again... I can't do this without crying... Just let me cry just this once, I promise hindi na ulit... This is four years worth of tears I held back eh, you understand right?" she wiped her face and then tinrace yung pangalan ni Parker.

"Parker, it should have been me. Ako diba dapat yung mamamatay? It wasn't supposed to be you. Ang unfair naman eh...  I was the one who was sick, I was the one who had the signs, I was ready to die... But then I wake up only to be told na wala ka na... I didn't want to believe it, I didn't for four years... I'm thankful to your dad and your sister, who I'm sure you've already met since they come here pretty much everyday. Them, unlike me, accepted and tried to move on... I watched them move on and think how could they? Why would they? I even doubted their love for you.  You know I'm so thankful to them. They made me realize how much of a miserable person I've become... I realized that I'm the one who's got the problem... Yes, it took me four years to realize that. Sorry for taking so long to let go of that hope that you're coming back, it must have been so hard for you too, seeing your mother almost ruin her life waiting for the impossible to happen."

Karylle took a deep breath muna at nag smile genuinely. 

"I miss everything about you...I miss your voice, your kisses, your hugs, your laugh, your sweetness... I miss my favorite man in the world. You were my rock when it was just the two of us. You're the best son I could ever ask for you know? It's such a shame that He took you away from me so soon... Maybe because he needs people like you up there... Congratulations baby, you're an angel now. I miss you a lot, everyday, I know there will not be a day that I won't miss you, but I have to accept that you're gone... I know you're happy up there... That's all I could ever ask for naman. I just want you happy. I want you safe. I want you to never get hurt. God will protect you up there, I know it... I love you Jose Parker." she said at yumuko para halikan dun sa may picture ni Parker.