Something I'm Not 2- History (Sequel)

Chapter 39

I sat Harry down on the toilet and he didn't move. I wet a cloth and dabbed his puffy lower lip. He didn't look at me, he still looked passed me. I hated seeing this. "Harry, please look at me." I say just above a whisper and cup one side of his jaw. He actually did lift his eyes over to me but he couldn't hold it. He turned his head into my palm and lifted his hand to place it over mine, pressing my hand harder against him. When he squeezed his eyes shut, a few streaks on tears fell. That was all it took. I collapsed on my knees and hugged him. He didn't make a noise.

"Harry, I'm sorry." I say to him and he leans onto my shoulder. "I pushed you." he says, his voice starting to crack and I shake my head. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it." I assure him and he shakes his head, fully embracing me. He was a sobbing mess and this uncontrollable, weak side of Harry was something I have never witnessed.... ever. 

"I don't ever mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry. It never should've happened." he says and I lock my fingers through his short curls. "I know you don't, it's okay." I try to tell him but he was too lost and shaken up. He's always so collected I didn't know what to do with him. Maybe I was pushing just a little too hard. Maybe seeing his family was too much to deal with right now. 

"You shouldn't think it's okay. You shouldn't have to be okay with men pushing you around." he says muffled into my neck. I pull away enough to look at him and wipe his cheeks like he does for me. Except I had to be a lot less noticeable about it because I know he doesn't like to be this upset and that he rather be alone and go unoticed. 

"Harry, you wouldn't let me push you away and I'm not letting you push me away, okay? I'm staying right here." I tell him and his eyes soften only slight. "I don't know why, there's just, everytime I see my mother I see what happened, over and over again. And when she stumbled in drunk, I just..." he shakes his head. "I lost myself." he says and I stand up, tugging his hand to get up with me and he obeys. He followed me upstairs and into the room I've been staying in and sat him down on the bed. 

"You need some rest, Harry. Rick won't like you coming back looking like this." I try to lighten him up and sit down next to him, But he didn't even crack a smile. "You know, I'm not even sure if I want to do this anymore." he says and I look at him worried. "Do what?" I ask and he rubs his hands together. "Sing." he says and I rub his shoulder and sigh a little of relief. At least he wasn't talking about us. "Why do you think that, Harry?" I ask him and lay my chin on his shoulder. He shakes his head. "I just feel like an object to all of them. Singing was all I knew how to do all my life and my only way of getting anything out without limits, and they've stripped that away from me too." he says and I study him for a moment in thought. Was he this unhappy this whole time and didn't say anything because of my problems? 

I rub his back and move my chin to a more comfortable place on his shoulder. "Well Harry, you're extremely gifted at what you do and you've accomplished a lot since I've met you. But whatever you chose, I'll support. I know it can get overwhelming at times, but you deserve the recognition. If it's what you've always done, then I don't think you should quit completely. I think you should find another route in your career." I tell him and he swallows. 

"Moving here would be that other route, Caroline." he says dryly and I lift my chin off him and look at him. Oooh, that makes a little more sense. At least he's out of that zoned out phase and is talking calmly. I wanted to do anything to remain in that calm state. "Oohh." I say quietly and he runs a hand through his hair, standing up to pull his shirt and belt off. "Yeah. Well, I'm gonna take a shower, you coming?" he asks and I nod, following him in. 

We both seemed to relax under the warm water but he was still too quiet. I was in deep thought of what moving here would be like. I try to think of what all Ed and Phillip have told me. It just seems like a big jump for us. And when we take too big of steps, we always end in tragic arguments and one of us leaving. But if it's for his career, then it makes it a little more different.