Roses for Rachel

Chapter 11

Over the next three days, Fern showed her loyalty to me by keeping her word. Three times a day, every day, Fern sent messages to Calvin begging him to come back and see me. I counted myself very lucky and I was incredibly thankful to have a handmaiden like Fern to get me through those lonely days. She was the only thing getting me through. What I wasn't happy about was that every single one of my messaged went unanswered. My chest ached every time Fern would return, no prince in tow. I hadn't laid eyes on him since our big fight. I didn't expect the loss to feel so...altering, but it did. I missed our banter, his smile, the way my heart quickens around him.

Though I'd not seen him in person, I'd seen Calvin in all of my dreams.

Very, very intense dreams.

Each one felt so incredibly real, like I was actually living them out, and then when I'd wake up I'd have to readjust to my surroundings because the sensation was so jarring. Fern would rush to my side every time I'd wake up stunned and ask me what I had dreamt about but I'd never dare speak them out loud.

Sometimes I'd dream that I was in his room alone with him again. When I'd wake up from those dreams I'd be gasping for air and covered in a thick sheen of sweat when I'd jolt upright in the bed. Other times I'd dream of being back above ground, dancing around in a beautiful garden with a little brown haired boy, and a stunningly gorgeous woman with dark brown curls and one deep dimple in her left cheek. Those were the dreams I'd wake up from smiling or even giggling, only to want to cry a moment after. They were harder to get over because the feel of being outside under the sun shine was so real that once I was back in the real world I'd have to remind myself that I'd never be running through a garden in the sunlight again.

The dream I'd had last night was the most emotional. I was walking through the many corridors, just exploring as I like to do, until I'd discover her body. The beautiful woman I'd been with in the garden. She was laying out on the floor, her curls sprawled around her head and big grey eyes staring to the side at nothing. The most shocking thing about her was the look on her face. She looked terrified. I would just stand there as a boy, older than the little one from the garden, but clearly the same boy, would run screaming to her and shake her lifeless body. He'd beg her to wake up and all I could do was watch, tears running down my cheeks.

The moment I woke up from that dream I begged and begged Fern to go to Calvin for me even though it was the middle of the day. Fern sleepily complied with my request, probably put on edge from the urgent tears that burned my cheeks. I paced the floor in front of my bed while I waited for her to return and I nearly knocked her down when the door clicked and I rushed to it only to find that she hadn't brought Calvin with her, only a not.

Rachel, please stop sending for me. I'm still working on a plan for how to keep you alive, but I don't want to see you. I'm sorry, but it's just too hard to be around you. – Calvin

Fern had watched me carefully as I read it, probably expecting me to cry my eyes out, but all the note did was make me that much more determined. I'd hurt him, I know that. But I also know that he really likes me, otherwise he wouldn't keep putting up with me or putting himself on the line by trying to protect me. Fern told me that she heard that the king had tried to have me sent away, but that Calvin stopped him. That tells me he still cares and that I might still have a chance to try to make it right.

I hadn't been able to attend the last three nights of date selection. For whatever reason, it took the blood a little longer than expected to finally leave my system, but now staring into my soft blue eyes I knew they'd not be able to block me out again. Frankie and Greer had already had their dates, and since I hadn't been in attendance, Calvin took Lexton out on a second date last night. The thought of him forming new relationships with other girls while I've been cooped up in this room made my skin itch. Itch to get out of here and force him to see me. It's easy for him to deny me via message, but something in me told me he couldn't do the same if he was looking into my eyes and could see how truly sorry I am that we fought.