Roses for Rachel

Chapter 35.

                  

Five days later and things were still the same.

We still made love every night, but aside from that, we were so distant from each other, even when he was holding me in his arms, I didn't really feel like he was here. So many times a day I would catch him staring blankly into the distance, his face looking pained, and his eyes hollow. He still hadn't come around to telling me what had happened while he was away, and I didn't push the matter. He'd asked for time, and seeing the pain he was in, even when he was trying to not show it, made me not push the matter.

He'd had one closed meeting with Pedro, where I assume he filled him in on the battle, and Pedro filled him in on all of the things that had been happening here, aside from my little incident in the library. I knew it was best, even before he came back this way, that we keep that a secret. Calvin was sure to overreact, and the man had been dealt with already, so there was no need stressing him further over something that was in the past.

After Calvin had fallen asleep on the day of his and Pedro's meeting, I had of course gone to drill Pedro for information, with no such luck. All Pedro would tell me was that the threat had ended, and that I needed to give Calvin some space to process and get his head back on straight. There was still a tentative lockdown going, but it wasn't nearly as strict as it had been before, and food supply was no longer an issue, so the humans were able to go back to where they were, or leave if they wished. I had given Tessa and Greer the option to stay in the suite instead of returning to their rooms on level 1, and they had accepted. I was totally fine with it until Lexton also decided she wanted to stay with them, for the added protection she claimed, but I couldn't help wondering if it was because Calvin was back now and there was a chance for her to run into him since she's just across the hall now.

I jumped as Calvin began to thrash around in the bed beside me, screaming loudly. "Calvin!" I called to him, grabbing his shoulders and trying to steady him. "Wake up, Calvin!" I shouted and his eyes popped open, jet black at first, then slowly shading back to blue as he sighed, his breathing slowing down.

"I'm sorry, Rachel." He whispered just like he has every time he wakes up from his night terrors, which have been every single night since he returned.

I propped myself on my elbow and stared down at his trouble expression. "Please don't apologize to me anymore." I told him. "Especially if you aren't going to tell me why."

He turned his head slightly to look at my face, his expression softening. "I promise I will."

"You've been saying that for-."

"I know." He cut me off, bringing his hand up to my face. "Rachel, I know." He repeated. "I just need som-."

"Time." I finished for him this time. "I know." I sighed. "That's what I'm trying to say, though." I explained. "You keep apologizing to me, dozens of times a day, and you won't tell me why. I just don't understand, is all."

He ran his thumb across my bottom lip and then pulled my face down to him to kiss me. "I know this is...difficult, but I promise, I'm working things out, ok?" He asked and I nodded, laying my head down on his chest. He brushed my hair off of my face and his fingers left cool trails on my skin. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I told him, and he mumbled something, like he started to say it, but then decided not to. "What?" I asked sleepily.

"Nothing." He whispered back.

I closed my eyes, trying to relax again, but fearing that this is how it would be with us from now on. I was on the edge of consciousness when I heard his voice again, so soft I wasn't sure if it was real, or if I'd imagined it in a dream. "You wouldn't if you knew...I'm sorry."