Bella's Different Beginning

Confessing

Hi guys, i'm so sorry for the late apdate i just couldn't think of something to do for this chapter but i finally figured it out. i hope you like it and i'm also sorry if it's not very well edited, i did kind of rush it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tossed and turned all night trying to figure out what to do with my love for Edward and Jacob. However my love for Jacob was not even close to the amount that I loved Edward. I could not live without Edward now, if he were to die, so would I.

I had another problem. The Cullen's were coming back for dinner again tonight and considering that I accidentally kissed Edward yesterday, it would no doubt be awkward. I hadn't told my parents yet, although it was early hours of the morning because I couldn't sleep. I wondered if he had told his family about the kiss. I hoped not otherwise they will probably stare at me the whole time and make me uncomfortable.

I could not confess my feelings to him because I am with Jacob, although I wasn't sure I could stay with him knowing that I was completely in love with Edward and we have been distant lately seeing as he has to move to Forks, but also because I knew he didn't love me back. And thinking about him not loving me back hurt like I could never had imagined.

But the more I thought about how good it felt to kiss him and how much I love him; I didn't know if I could keep it to myself for long. Or when I see him again the truth might come out without my permission. But I couldn't let that happen, it would wreck everything so I would force myself to keep my mouth shut about it otherwise if he didn't feel the same way -- which I knew he didn't- - then it could easily ruin our friendship if the kiss already hadn't.

All this thinking at such a ridiculous hour made my brain hurt and I drifted into another restless sleep.

I woke up several times after that but at 7:00 I couldn't get back to sleep. So I lay in bed thinking about Edward to pass the time, if I thought about Edward and Jacob then my brain would feel like exploding. I found myself having a smile in my face for a couple of hours.

I finally got out of bed and went to join my parents for breakfast.

"Wow Bella, are you okay? You look really tired. Did you even sleep at all last night?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah I'm okay, I just didn't get much sleep last night," I said before walking into the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and I looked like a zombie. I had dark circles under my eyes and I was also extremely pale. The only way to get rid of my looking like a zombie was to shower.

After a long shower I covered up the bags under my eyes and darkened up the pale spots with makeup and walked back to the kitchen.

"Better?" I asked.

"Much better," Renee said.

We ate breakfast, and then I rushed back to my room, only to pace back and forth across it trying to think exactly how I was going to tell Jacob that I love Edward. How am I going to tell him?

Jacob, I am so sorry but I am in love with Edward Cullen.

Jacob, I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just going to say it. I am in love with Edward Cullen.

Jacob, you're probably going to hate me now but I can't keep this to myself particularly around you. I am in love with Edward Cullen.

Ugh! No! I can't just come out with it; I have to slowly work up to it. There is no way around breaking his heart with this news, it is going to crush him but I can't be in love with another person and not tell him. It wouldn't be fair.