Eternal Loss (Book #2)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I entered the household, feeling absolutely ashamed for the way that I had reacted towards Gabriel.

He had every right to be upset with me being this way, especially since it left me as just another thing to protect, instead of someone to fight alongside.

I quickly made my way up the stairs, trying not to trip over my skirt, just wanting to get to his office and apologize excessively for the way that I had behaved.

Entering the office without knocking, continued to be a problem of mine, as I saw him discussing something with Henry.

"I-I'm sorry, I should have knocked" I said, going to leave, feeling like a fool for continuing to make mistakes here.

"No, no. You can come in, I have to go hunting anyways, before the sun sets and all" Henry said, stopping me from staying in the hallway.

I slowly walked past Henry, who closed the door behind him.

"I am sorry for barging in like that. It was rude of me and I will understand if you wish to speak to me at another time" I said, looking down.

Gabriel cleared his throat "It is quite alright, you seem distant. Please, take a seat and tell me what is bothering you"

Slowly walking towards the chair, I sat down, purposely avoiding eye contact with Gabriel.

"I want to deeply apologize for how I acted towards you" I started, feeling my eyes already watering.

Now was not the time to let my emotions get in the way.

I quickly wiped my eyes "I do not understand why I am acting this way at all"

"Yes you do" he said, leaning forward in his seat.

I glanced at him "I have tried to go hunting, but there is always something that keeps me from actually acting on my urge to feed"

"And that something is?" he asked.

"I keep seeing bodies. I'll see Killian, Theodore, my brother, Elijah, even Elsie. I am absolutely terrified that death is permanently associated with my presence, no matter where I am" I said, now ignoring the tears that were falling.

Gabriel quickly shook his head "Cordelia, I can promise you that most vampires are paralyzed with fear, with just the thought of taking a life, whether it is on purpose or on accident"

"This is different" I said, my voice becoming hoarse.

"Humans kill animals to survive, just like vampires' kill humans to survive. Is it terrible, yes, but it is vital to our existence" he explained.

"I know that my refusal to feed is getting out of hand, because my control over the necromancy and the telekinesis is practically gone. I know that it is due to the lack of blood, because I am becoming weak" I said, twisting my skirt in my fist.

There was a knock at the door, making me wipe my eyes, just so whoever walked in didn't think I was becoming hysteric.

"Come in" Gabriel said.

Issac walked in, carrying a glass of blood "Phoebe requested me to bring this up to you"

Gabriel nodded, taking the glass "Yes, thank you, Issac"

Issac started to leave.

"Issac, wait one moment. Henry is preparing to go out to hunt, can you stop him and tell him that I need to see him in my office"

"Of course" Issac said, nodding, then leaving to act on Gabriel's request.

Gabriel turned back to me "I know all about how difficult it is when you have a lack of blood"

I watched as he drank the vampire blood, taking every last drop.

He sat the drink down on the desk "Phoebe needs to feed at least four times a day, just to keep both of us in good condition"

"Do you ever worry about killing her?" I asked.

He looked down at the blood stained glass "At first, I was absolutely petrified of being the one that contributed to her death. However, she made it perfectly clear that she trusts me with her life. Knowing that, it made me work much harder on my impulse control, so that now I can feed when I need to" he put the glass back down "Or have it sent to me like this"

"Our blood looks just like human blood" I said, staring at it.

"Yes, but there is something stronger with vampire blood. Being the way that I am, I only need to drink vampire blood up to two times a day. It is much more powerful than human blood, because there is more energy in it" he explained, standing up and walked to the front of the desk "I tried to live off of human blood, but when I first did, I had to feed on at least ten humans, just to get half of what I receive from vampire blood"

"So you could not survive off of human blood, even if you wanted to?" I asked.

He nodded "Exactly. If it were not for Phoebe, I would be worried about possibly attacking one of you all" he sat against the desk "That is the thing about love. When you have someone, you protect each other and you stand by one another through any trouble that comes your way"

Henry entered the office "I need this to be quick, there is less than two hours before the sun sets"

"I would appreciate it if you were to take Cordelia hunting with you" Gabriel said, putting his hand on my shoulder "The only thing is, I want you to make sure that whoever she feeds on, she does not kill." Gabriel explained.

Henry looked from Gabriel to me and gave a small nod.

Gabriel looked down at me "If need be, I will be sure that someone is always by your side, just until your fear is gone and you can put some trust in yourself"

"I would be happy to have some company while I go hunt" Henry said, smiling at me.

"Thank you" I whispered.

Henry nodded "I will even take you to my favorite spot"

He started leaving and Gabriel motioned for me to follow him.

I hesitated, but slowly left the room, following behind Henry.

I knew that if I had refused than not only would I be disappointing Gabriel, but I would be losing the only way to keep my strength intact.

Hunting was something that I needed to do, even if I did not fully drain a human.