Hazel Eyes <frerard>

fuhkn reddy m8

Gerard had been living with Frank for about a month when the latter finally noticed his eating habits. It worried him to know that Gerard wasn't eating a healthy amount, but there wasn't much he could do. He had tried talking to the man, but all he would get in response was a shitty excuse or a noncommittal shrug.

They were sitting at the table one evening, eating dinner together, when Frank finally just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Gerard, I'm really worried about you," he said. Gerard gave him a quizzical look.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, pretending like he didn't know where this conversation was going.

"You know, Gerard. You haven't been eating enough and I'm pretty sure it's been going on for a while. This isn't healthy and I think you should start seeing your old therapist again," Frank suggested. Gerard just sat there wide-eyed. He was surprised that Frank had actually stood up to him like that.

"No," was all he said.

"I've already called her. You have an appointment tomorrow," Frank said, determined to help his friend.

"I'm not going," Gerard huffed defiantly.

"Yes, you are. I'm sick of seeing you tear yourself apart. Gee, I want you to be able to make your own decisions, but I'm standing my ground on this," Frank said firmly. Gerard was about to refuse again, but stopped. He knew how stubborn Frank could be, and decided not to argue anymore; it would just be tiring.

"Fine," he agreed reluctantly. "I'll go see Dr. Nestor." Frank beamed at this.

"Awesome!" he said. He quickly contained himself again. "I, uh. Gee, I'm sorry," he mumbled. Gerard looked confused. "I know you don't want to do this because you don't like talking about your problems, but I just- I love you," he whispered, "and I can't just watch you starve like that. It hurts seeing how much you dislike yourself and your body."

Gerard just looked at him, pursed his lips, and nodded. "I love you too, Frankie," he said, using the nickname to ensure that Frank knew it was genuine. "Thank you. I know in difficult, so thanks for putting up with me."

"I don't put up with you, Gee. I care about you. Having you here with me is a blessing, if I'm honest," Frank gave him a smile which Gerard returned.

~

"Frank, I'm gonna fucking die!" Gerard whined, trying everything to stall them entering the psychology clinic. Frank groaned.

"No, Gerard, you're not going to die. You know Dr. Nestor; you like her. You'll be fine," he said. Gerard had been complaining all morning about the therapy session, even though he had agreed to go the night before.

"But what if she doesn't like me anymore!" Gerard lamented. Frank rolled his eyes.

"Just get your ass in there so I don't have to pay the fee for you skipping out on your appointment," Frank grumbled.

After some more coaxing and complaining, Frank was finally able to get Gerard checked in and seated in the waiting room.

It felt like ages before Gerard was finally called in, but when he was, he gave Frank a terrified look before reluctantly following the receptionist out of the waiting room and into Dr. Nestor's room.

~

"So, Gerard, I hear you haven't been eating very well," Jamia started, "Would you like to talk about that?"

"Not really," Gerard replied nervously. Jamia, Dr. Nestor, frowned a bit, but not in an unpleasant way; she was just concerned.

"Well, what would you like to start with?" Jamia asked, and Gerard shrugged. "Hmm, how about you just start telling me about how life on tour has been. I last saw you tight before then, so we should catch up," she smiled.

Gerard began telling her about all the preparations for tour, visibly relaxing as he continued to talk about the music and silly things Ray had done. He recounted different events, but stopped when he suddenly reached two major blocks. Kayla and Mikey.

He felt tears slip down his face as he explained how Mikey was killed by a drunk driver. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to mention his own brother. He was mad at himself and mad at the universe.

Jamia consoled him, even kneeling in front of him and rubbing his back as he cried. Jamia had always been a bit more than just a therapist for Gerard. They had truly developed a bond, but not like a friendship where therapy became uncomfortable. No, Jamia was almost like a mother to him. Her kindness, sense of humor, and occasional tough love actually reminded him a bit of Elena, his late grandmother.

Once he had composed himself, he began explaining the whole Kayla thing. Jamia knew about Gerard's feelings for Frank, so she actually got pretty annoyed when she heard how Kayla had been so mean to Gerard. She was actually annoyed that Kayla existed at all, to be honest.

Then, they got to the incident with Frank. Gerard started getting choked up as he recalled what Frank had said to him, the insults he had yelled, the verbal bullets he had shot. Jamia held his hand as he talked and talked, sniffling occasionally.

"He- it hurt so bad," Gerard cried. "I hated myself for falling for him, but I just couldn't hate him. I still love him and I don't know what to do."

"That was Frank that brought you here, right? He's the one who made the appointment. Would you like to explain that to me?" Jamia asked, her voice soft and soothing. Gerard simply nodded, biting his lip before speaking.

He explained how Frank had called him when he was drunk and had kissed him before Gerard ran out. He told her how Frank had sent him the album, how he felt his world fall around him. He told her about how he wanted to talk to Frank, but couldn't gather the courage. Then Mikey died and he went to tell Frank. He retold it all until everything was out and there were no details left to be said.

"I think," Jamia started, "that the main root of your eating issue has to do with Frank and Kayla. When she would insult your weight, it hurt, yes, but it really started when you began to think that maybe that's why Frank didn't like you. You started starving yourself because of your low self-esteem. But then, when you and Frank had that huge fight, it got worse- not only because you wanted to lose weight, but because you felt you didn't deserve to eat anymore. Frank's words reinforced your own self-hatred.

Frank has caused you to experience a lot of pain, but that's understandable; you love him. However, I think you made the right choice in not going straight into a relationship with him. I wouldn't forgive him either. What he said and did was really shitty. But, I think that he feels truly sorry. He does love you, he was just angry at himself and the world and he took it out on you. He wouldn't have called me if he didn't care, so that's something.

I think that you and he have been through a lot, obviously. The thing is that you need to understand that you are not worthless, even though you may feel it. Not all hope is lost. You have so much to live for and so many people who love you. I know that it's best to improve yourself for yourself, but right now I think that doing it for the people who love you is a good start. Try to eat more, little by little, until you can do it because you want to. Because you are strong and beautiful and one of a kind and you want to take care of yourself."

~

Gerard and Frank sat in Frank's car on the ride home, Gerard sucking gently on a strawberry lollipop given to him at the clinic. He couldn't stop smiling and Frank didn't know why, but he didn't say anything. He was just happy to see that childish look of glee on Gerard's face after so long.

as always, this is unedited. I'm so sick rn I just threw up like an hour ago and I have a killer headache wOW. but since I'm home from school with nothing to do, I decided to write and update early, yw. I hope you enjoyed.