gay ➳ m.c. au

20

qotc: who's your favorite character in this book

aotc: ohhhh um ashton or claudia probably?  and y'all are probably like "tf??  ashton?? he outed adrianna???" but he didn't  mean to do it ok, he's such a lil bean :)))

adrianna stood in the middle of her street hoping a car would hit her. she honestly couldn't care less if she was alive or if she was dead in that moment. she picked up her phone and dialed claudia's number. claudia answered.

"hey, can i come over?" adrianna asked, staring straight ahead of her.

"you know you're always welcome, but i'm out of town right now, sorry adri," claudia sighed.

"fuck, i forgot," adrianna muttered, "well,  i'll see you soon?"

"yeah, see you," claudia replied, "hey, are you okay?" 

adrianna didn't respond immediately. a car was coming down the road. she wanted to lie down in front of it, but something stopped her. "yeah, i'm fine. goodbye, claudia. i love you."

adrianna hung up before claudia could respond. she stepped onto the sidewalk to ensure the car wouldn't hit her. that would be a selfish way to die. she would completely ruin someone else's life in the process of ending hers.  

she didn't know where to go. she thought she had a place with michael, but she didn't. she had fucked him over, so he did the same back.

adrianna was standing in front of her house. she hadn't been there since the night before and it already felt alien and foreign to her. she looked to the driveway. neither of her parents cars were there, which meant neither of her parents were home. 

adrianna went to the front door and unlocked it with the key they kept in the planter next to the door. she walked inside and saw that the dishes from last night's dinner hadn't been cleared from the table. she walked upstairs and into her room. her bed had never been made and her room was the mess that she left it. she grabbed a backpack from her closet and shoved some clothes inside along with her phone charger and her credit card. she looked to her desk and looked out of the window. michael was standing with his back to the window. adrianna stood there for a few minutes until michael turned around and saw her. he closed his curtains and adrianna did, too. those curtains hadn't been closed for ten years. adrianna took a pen and paper from her desk a scribbled a note to her parents, leaving it on top of her laptop.

adrianna walked into town to get some coffee from reid's. she felt that it would give her some consolation.

but, ashton was there, ordering coffee. adrianna looked at him sadly before he turned around. she didn't want to face him. she tried to leave the cafe before ashton noticed her, but she wasn't quick enough. ashton ran up to her.

"adrianna, i'm so sorry-"

"you didn't know, ash. it's not your fault," adrianna looked at him teary-eyed. she rubbed his arm, "i promise you, it's not your fault."

before ashton could say anything else, she left the cafe and turned down the street to the train station.

she bought a ticket to new york city and waited 45 minutes for the train to arrive, but once it did, adrianna couldn't bring herself to get on it. 

what would she do when she arrived in new york? all of her problems wouldn't magically disappear. she had to finish high school and graduate so that she could go to northwestern and make new friends and make a new life and play basketball. 

but she wasn't sure that she could survive the final months left of her senior year. she had no friends,  she had no home, she was hated.

she felt suffocated. she turned away from the train and walked out of the train station, only to find it to be raining. 

and adrianna saw this as the icing on the top of the cake. and suddenly she didn't care that she was in public or surrounded by concerned-looking pedestrians.  she broke down.

adrianna's cheeks were tear-stained as she ran home in the pouring rain. well, she wasn't really running home, she was running somewhere.

she wasn't welcomed at home. michael hated her because she had fucked him over, luke hated her because she ruined his relationship, molly hated her because she had ruined her life, her parents hated her because she was bisexual.

adrianna reached the edge of the town, the last part of the town before it turned into gray pavement and tall buildings and pollution and busy sidewalks. adrianna stopped and caught her breath, her phone was dying and for a moment, adrianna wished she was her phone. dying.

and then she broke down. in the middle of the street in the pouring rain, adrianna broke down into tears and heavy breaths, and a runny nose, and an ugly screaming sound coming from her mouth. it wasn't a beautifully tragic moment, it was ugly. it was repulsive. the bisexual girl in a small homophobic town crying in the middle of the street. if a car drove down the road, it'd probably hit her, just because of who she loved.

and in moments, adrianna's mental breakdown turned into anger. she hated molly for being a biphobic bitch, she hated michael for leading her on, and she hated luke because luke hated her. she hated ashton for pointing out her sexuality, she hated calum for invalidating her, and she hated her parents for not loving the person they took care of for 18 years.

adrianna screamed and pulled at her hair and ran into the city, ducking into an alley and screaming again. she had no where to go and no one to go to, but she was starting to come to terms with that, after all, that's what it would be like for her for the rest of her life.

and she didn't want it to be like that. she didn't want to live life if she wouldn't belong somewhere.  she didn't believe that she would make it through the final months of high school. there would always be homophobic people. adrianna could never date a girl again and fake straight, but she thought that would be suffocating. she couldn't deny the part of herself that loved molly.  adrianna walked slowly towards where the riverbank was. she sat there, watching as the water moved past her.

it'd be so easy to climb onto the bridge and jump, but that would attract too much attention. adrianna searched through her backpack and found what she was looking for.

with a handful of painkillers she thought back to her last goodbyes. 

claudia would be broken up. she wouldn't know what caused her best friend to do this. "goodbye, claudia. i love you."

michael would feel guilty, she knew he would. he had told her to go to hell. those were his last words to her. they had both closed the curtains to the windows that had connected them for so long. "where am i suppose to go?"

ashton would blame himself. she didn't want him to. it wasn't his fault that her parents were homophobic. "i promise you, it's not your fault."

calum wouldn't give a shit, probably. they never liked each other. how convenient this was for calum. "fuck you, too, hood."

luke would be glad, she swore. he'd be glad that adrianna was gone. "so, goodbye."

molly would always hate adrianna for ruining her life. adrianna knew that. "you're the most biphobic person i've ever met. get out, just leave."

and then adrianna took a deep breath and watched as a duck floated along with the river. 

she thought about the last thing she said to her parents. "i'm sorry." she didn't want to leave it at that. because what was she sorry for? they deserved an explanation. adrianna comforted herself with the contents of the note she left for her parents as she brought the pills to her mouth.

i'm sorry i'm gay.

the end

the fuck???

wow that was not the way i planned to end this story but it happened so okay.

i'm going to my blink 182 concert tonight i'm so hype

but i don't have time to write the epilogue right now, so that will come tomorrow.

let me know what you thought of this chapter.

peace out bruhs

xoxoxo mary elizabeth