pause // dan howell x reader

Chapter 8 - 11:11

Dan's POV

I watch Y/N as she laughs. No crinkles near her eyes show, it's not genuine. The laugh is strangled. I can tell she is in pain and I want to apologise but I don't think I can, or have the power to. I watch her lips move as she mouths something. The room goes quiet, even the city outside.

"You won't ever know how much this-" Y/N faces to me and points at the picture on the monitor slightly angry.

"This... hurts me." She whimpers, turning away from me. She drops to the floor and holds her knees to her chest. I look over to Phil but he's staring at the wall. I don't know what to do with myself so I turn to the producers and managers. They all seem to not care.

I hear a cry come from Y/N on the ground but I'm still clueless. I just stand there with my mouth gaping open. Suddenly, Y/N pops up and wipes her face from tears. Before I could hug her and ask what's wrong, she mouths another word but this time, I can hear it clearly.

"Play." The noises from outside come back and Phil starts talking.

"Well maybe, but Dan, people just want you to clarify a few things."

"Uh, well okay. Hit me." I gesture, still slightly confused. Y/N smiles at me and I give her a weak one back.

"First question, is this actually you?" Phil asks.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Who's the girl?" Phil smirks cheekily.

"Her name is Polly."

"Are you proud you broke the internet?" Y/N jumps in and I laugh.

"I'm not sure if I want to be Kim Kardashian but, whatever brings me closer to Yeezus."

-

"Y/N." I grab her arm as she walks out the studio.

"Yeah?" She looks over her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I ask her and she turns to face me, looking down.

"I'm fine, why?" She taps her toes and avoids looking at me, like I'm some kind of monster.

"Look up." I demand softly. Her Y/E/C eyes meet mine and I scowl back.

"You're not fine Y/N, I know you aren't." I place my hand on her shoulder and shake my head.

Your POV

"Why wouldn't I be?" You shrug Dan's hand off your shoulder defensively.

"You broke down. You started crying Y/N- that's not fine." Dan argues.

"What? I didn-"

"It was just a one time thing with Polly. Why are you upset? Please tell me." He begs and you look down at the ground, crossing your arms uncomfortably.

"I guess I'm upset because you've hung out with Polly, a complete stranger, and not me." You make up a random lie off the top of your head, one that makes sense but doesn't show the real truth. Dan stares at the wall and thinks for a few seconds.

"You don't know this but, I asked BBC if you could come on the show. I did it so I could meet you personally, so I could be in a studio with you." He pauses and smiles.

"While our first interaction may have been that awkward moment in my dressing room, I still got to do this with you. I just-" You're flattered but can't bear to hear anymore. 

"Where are you going?" Dan says in a stung tone as you turn around and start walking down the hallway.

You know you're overreacting, but seeing him with Polly breaks your heart. Why do you care so much anyway? Well maybe because you like him and thought he liked you. Maybe because you didn't think there is someone else on his mind. 

-

The sky is dark, it's late. You spend several hours emotionally eating your feelings away while subjecting yourself to #DanandPollyRelationshipGoals!!! You need a friend.

You pace up the steps of Zoe and Alfie's front porch and bash on the door with your fist. Tears roll down your cheeks to the ground and a few sobs escape your lips. You're barely keeping it together but something is telling you not to lose it completely. Not just yet at least.

"Y/N?" Someone opens the door. You look up to see Alfie and quickly jump into his arms.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He gently asks you as you break from the hug.

"D- I just-" You struggle to speak so Alfie ushers you inside. He sits you down on the couch and drapes a fluffy blanket over you. His arm wraps around your shoulder and he moves his hand back and forth comfortingly.

"Tell me everything." He whispers.

"I think I'm overreacting." You shake your head and start to stand but Alfie pulls you back down.

"No, it's just how you feel. Tell me what happened Y/N." He looks into your eyes and you give in.

"Dan was seen on a date with Polly and it's real, it happened and I... I don't think I've ever felt heartbreak like this before. I mean, we aren't even in a relationship! Why should I be thinking like that?" You wait for Alfie to respond but instead he keeps listening.

"It felt like he had feelings for me, like there was something different between us. I don't know, I just feel shattered." Alfie holds your hand and you bury your head into his neck.

"What did he do- that was different?" He shuffles along the couch and you turn your head to the side.

"Well, for starters he would hold my hand-" You peer down at you and Alfie's hands. He jolts his hand out of your grip and you laugh.

"It wasn't like that. Dan was doing it in a childish way, but he wanted it to be serious, I could tell."

"What else?" Alfie questions.

"He mentioned me in lots of tweets, teased me a bit- we just had a connection, you know?" You explain and Alfie hums in response. Your phone buzzes in your pocket so you get it out and look at the screen. The time is 11:11 and the notification is a text from Dan.

You make up an excuse and to go the bathroom. As soon as you enter, you lock the door behind you and stare at yourself in the mirror. You take a deep breath in and press your lips together. You feel a mixture of emotions; sad, bitter, angry, lonely. Sitting on the toilet seat, you open the message.

"11:11 i wish you would forgive me."

You want to forgive him. You just want to say you're overreacting, that you're crazy. But you can't deny that you are upset and that Dan somewhat played with your heart and then threw it in the dirty gutter.

"11:11 i wish it doesn't hurt." You reply.

This chapter was kinda lame, but tell me what you thought of it!