pause // dan howell x reader

Chapter 31 - Blame

Nick's POV

Bitter pains strike my chest and stomach all at once. I roll over in pain, clinging my knees close to my body.

I know what I did was terrible. I admit that Y/N didn't deserve what I did to her but I didn't deserve to be dragged in the middle of this. It wasn't meant to go this way. I was meant to get my end of the deal, but here I am now, curled up into a ball on the sidewalk. I might've even lost my hearing since I can't hear Y/N and Dan talking.

I open my eyes and curiously look around. I glare down the long and daunting sidewalk yet Y/N and Dan aren't there. I squint over to the nearby park but the darkness of the trees make it impossible to see anything.

Hopeless, I stand up, supporting my stomach and chest though the pain is unbearable.

Which reminds me, I need to get what I'm owed for going through this mess.

And I know just where to find her.

-

Just as I suspect, she's standing exactly where she was 2 months ago when she convinced me. I didn't know what I was getting into besides, I wasn't thinking straight; my emotions were all over the place.

It was the day that I was reunited with Y/N. Seeing her after all this time surprised me and made me feel guilty, it also made me angry. I was angry with the past that her presence unburied even though I knew I changed into a man focused on career, not women.

Yet work still lead me to another girl called Polly and I felt like I'd won the lottery, but then my luck fizzled into flames.

Polly and I got some alone time in the studio and I believed that this was my chance since she was so flirty with me earlier that day, during the broadcast.

"Hey Nick, can you do me a favour?" She asked over the cable box she was holding.

"Sure, anything." I naively replied.

"Do you think you could start dating Y/N? I know that's an extremely weird request but, could you? For me?" She pleaded and my heart was shattered. She didn't want me but I wanted her, so badly that it hurt.

"What? Why?" I questioned in shock, my eyebrows furrowed.

"I can't say, but please date her for at least three months." She kept packing up the room like it was no big deal yet I was freaking out inside.

Dating Y/N would be a mistake. It might make me change back, after all I've been through, I'll be back at the start.

"You have to tell me, I can't just start dating her and not know why." I raised my voice, the anger from before bubbling up. She turned around and slowly walked up to me, a suspense filled the air.

"Then tell me what happened to your brother, the one you envied so much, what was his name? Dylan? Where did you send him off to?" Polly placed her finger on her chin and tilted her head upwards. 

Suddenly, I was trapped in a corner by a monster who knew my deepest darkest secret. How else was I meant to react? I was terrified, so after some stuttering and trying to make a defense for myself, I conceded to her plan.

"What do I get in return?" I ask unassured.

"Nothing, I know you want to date her but I can possibly throw some money around the side." She sneered and crossed her arms. She then headed for the door and I was left dumbfounded.

"I'm pretty sure Y/N's downstairs. Oh and by the way, you can stop with your little crush on me, I'm interested in someone else. I have been for a long time and I don't intend on letting you get in the way. You are the distraction." Polly grinned and shut the door.

She was so matter-of-fact-ly. It made her an evil, conniving and heartless person.

In the studio, she sits with her back to me, her face towards a screen full of Facebook accounts and even some bank accounts.

I begin to feel uneasy, who knows what she's capable of but I'm not leaving without my plane ticket.

"Polly, where is it?" I mutter. She jumps a little in her chair, obviously surprised at my arrival.

"Right on time, Nick. What do you want? The money or the ticket?"

"Both, give them to me now." I snap and charge over to her demandingly.

"I've got them, you don't need to get so crazy." She reaches for a sealed yellow packet halfway across the table.

"It's all in there. Does Y/N know you're going to Russia tomorrow?" She smirks tapping out of a few tabs on her screen and flicking her black hair over her shoulder.

"We just broke up, she wouldn't ever want to see me again anyway because you had to go too far." I blame, pointing my finger at her.

"At least you get to make amends with your brother. You should thank me." She swings her chair around, frowning at me.

"You got what you wanted, I have nothing to thank you for." I growl and stomp out the door.

As I make my way out the building, I see Phil across the room, pressing the elevator button. He looks anxious. His hands are tucked into his jumper pockets and his face reads nervousness.

I push it past me and open the front door, the cold fresh air rushing through me. Now it's really time for me to change, and that starts with my brother.

Sweet Jesus, this is a really different chapter but I hope you like it. 

I did write the ice-rink date chapter but it wasn't that great and needed improving so I wrote this instead to give a little more to the story.

See you next chapter and see you next year!