pause // dan howell x reader

Chapter 35 - Something Dumb

Your POV

The next day, sitting at the kitchen counter back at home, you start editing a new video you filmed a little while ago. It's not your best or most creative but maybe others will think the opposite. Half an hour of editing goes by and you realise you've done mostly nothing because you've either gone back and forth to the fridge, danced or watched Youtube videos.

The neighbors outside in the hallway start talking loudly about the latest gossip in their lives. You groan in annoyance and blame them for being a distraction. You close your laptop, stand up and walk to your room. You find your brown leather laptop bag and put your phone, headphones - some other bits and pieces - inside. You also throw on a warm coat and walk back to the kitchen, picking up and sliding your laptop in the bag as well.

-

After a few minutes of strolling along the pavement with your head down and your mind in deep thought, you finally arrive at the usual small coffee shop. It's become an important and safe place you like to go. There's never a heap of noise so it's difficult to get distracted. It's reserved, quiet and simple. You blend in easily. Not only that, you and Dan often go there and have heaps of memories, good and bad. Some moments are forgotten but at the same time, they aren't. They're always in the back of your mind in some shape or form. They're like whispering reminders of why you love Dan.

You walk upon the door and notice there's a sign hanging off it. Basically saying that the cafe is closed. It's not shutting down, it's just not open for the day, you assume. You turn back slightly irritated only to walk past Alfie Deyes, who hopefully didn't recognise you.

"Y/N?" You hear a surprised voice. You press your lips together and turn around to face him with a smile.

"Alfie? How strange to see you here." Without hesitation a fake ecstatic tone takes over your voice.

"Same with you. How've you been?" He shoves a hand in his pocket and runs the other through his hair.

"Good, thanks. You?"

"I've been good too."

The small talk finishes and an awkward tension pulls the air. You desperately think of a way to leave or a thing to say, but he beats you to it. "Zoe and I broke up." Alfie spits out making you drop all your thoughts.

You stand there dumbfounded of how to speak or how to do things. You try to do your best to support him.

"Aw... why? That- that's awful Alfie." You reach out and grip his arm, realising what you're doing halfway through. "When?" You quickly release your hand.

"A few days ago, I broke it off." He sniffs a little, either trying to hold back tears or because he's ill, you go for the latter. "I felt it was the right thing to do, for me and someone else..." A tiny grin appears on his face and he nods to you. His grin quickly disappears as you shake your head.

"Alfie, why? Why did you leave something so amazing for someone like me? Sorry, not to assume that you did it for me but- don't tell me this crap. Do you know how that makes me feel?" You press the palm of your hand against your chest, the sensation tightening.

"I'm not sure Y/N, okay? Maybe it's out of love for you or maybe it's just some fantasy that I've become attached to after thinking about it for too many hours morning and night." He raises his volume, then taking a deep breath. His temples visibly strain as he gulps. You can't help but feel flattered, but what he did is wrong and immature. A crease above his brow forms and he turns away with his face in his hands. "Oh god, what have I done?"

"Something dumb Alfie." You glance into his glossy eyes. "Sorry, that was harsh. It's just- it's going to be hard for you to win her back."

"I don't know if I want to win her back-"

"Bullshit Alfie." Some people freeze in their place and scowl. You steady yourself and take a step back. "Zoe and you were perfect together. You loved her and she loved you. I know you don't want to throw that away and I don't want you to throw that away."

Alfie shuts his eyes, blinking away the tears. He teeters between his feet like he's on hot coals. "What do I do then?" He asks ambivalently.

"Go talk to her like an adult." You snap, sighing a few seconds after. "Also... I think it's best that we don't talk for a while." You smile weakly. His eyelashes flutter and he looks down in disappointment.

He thinks it over for a few seconds before nodding, seeing the realistic perspective. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks for helping me, Y/N." He chuckles and you both politely smile before heading your separate ways.

-

After what seemingly was a pointless journey, you return back to your apartment building. The London Winter beginning to clear up as the concrete pavement is damp from melted snow and the daisies in the small front garden are starting to bloom.

You bounce up the front steps, shuffling for your keys in your back pocket; however, you stop when someone calls out your name. You swivel your head to investigate behind you but nothing seems to show and as you turn back to your door, someone prods your shoulder.

"Miss me?"

Ahoy there!
I hope you liked this chapter even though I wrote half of it at 12:29 am (right now).

Also, I feel the need to mention that I went to see TwentyØnePiløts with TheKillersphan28 on the 29th of March and iT WAS BEAUTIFUL I WANT YOU ALL TO EXPERIENCE IT.

OOH AND WHO'S BEEN WATCHING RIVERDALE AND 13 REASONS WHY TaLK TO ME