pause // dan howell x reader

Chapter 16 - Broken

Your POV

The room is quiet as you sit on Phil's bed. Phil tightens his arms around you and begins to rock you back and forth comfortingly.

"I wish they didn't do that. F/N knows how much I-"

"Hey, hey. We need to get over this. If they're going to date then so be it." Phil shushes you and pats your back.

"That's right, we have each other." You smile against his warm chest.

"I'm here for you." He says softly and you nod.

"Same here... I don't know what I would be doing if it wasn't for you." You mumble and sit upright.

"What do you mean?" He tilts his head.

"I would be a mess, I usually am anyway, but I would be lost. Completely off the rails. Maybe doing bad things to myself. I'm broken." You shake you head and look up into Phil's crystal blue eyes.

"Why don't you change that? Talk to Dan. That's all that needs to happen in these kinds of situations, people are just frightened of the truth." You widen your eyes at him. That's practically confessing your feelings for him, you can't do that!

"No, I can't." You vigorously shake your head.

"Why not? Something might happen." He furrows his eyebrows and then softens his expression.

"Nothing would, he's with F/N." You continue to shake your head stubbornly but Phil pats your knee.

"You never know Y/N. You'd be showing him something." He pauses to think.

"Something that he lost." Phil adds and grins at you. A smile spreads across your lips as you press your hands on the bed to stand up. Phil is right, now or never. Let him know. Show him something that he lost. Something that he could have had until he squeezed F/N into the picture.

"Where's Dan?" You ask quickly.

"He was in the living room last I saw. Go knock him dead, well, not literally, I want my best friend to be alive." He splutters and you laugh.

"Okay, thanks." You answer as you walk out his door. Your stomach starts to knot a little as you creep closer to the lounge room. Surprisingly, you aren't panicking as much as you thought. After all, it's Dan. Just Dan.

As you step down the hallway, you notice a board with reminders written all over it.

'Check the Triop eggs.'

'Leg appointment in 5 weeks'

'Watch Avatar at 3 pm.'

'Upload first spooky week video - October.'

You laugh quietly and grab the dangling whiteboard marker.

'Dan, remember to put on socks - Y/N.' You write and put the lid back on the pen. Hopefully Dan notices and starts to get his life together.

You continue walking down the hallway until you reach the lounge room door. It's slightly open and before you can enter, you hear a voice you forgot is here.

"Tonight was fun." F/N giggles, snuggling up next to Dan as he changes channels on the TV.

"Yeah I guess, but you didn't have to do that." He states and F/N leans back.

"What? I have to. It's the only way to make her jealous." She shrugs.

"It was still cruel." Dan argues glaring at F/N and she leans back onto him.

"Why does it matter? I want to show people that you're mine." She says slyly and places her hand on Dan's right thigh.

"Uh..." He mumbles confusingly.

"I've done everything to make you mine. And guess what? Now you are." She hisses and you back away from the door crack. Tears brim your eyes as you choke back small sobs.

Just as you thought things could finally get better, everything falls apart. And all of it is because of Dan. The effect he has on you. You keep telling yourself it's never going to happen but every time he laughs, you fall a little deeper. Every time you both talk, your day is a little sweeter.

He's a drug that makes you happy, but you know that too much of it leads to this. This is what happens when you get hooked. 

You break down and begin running through the streets late at night. You only have one destination. The river. The peaceful one Dan broke his leg in.

You cross you arms on top of the bridge and look down at the running water. Tears drop from your eyes and join the waves below. You don't want to be this way. You don't want to be broken. You want to be okay.

"Y/N? Are you alright?" You hear a voice behind you and you sharply spin around.

"What? Yeah, I'm good." You lie and blink away the tears.

"You don't look okay, what happened?" Alfie asks you and places a hand on your shoulder. You're hesitant to tell him, it is mess to explain but it's also personal.

"Remember you can tell me anything. Don't try to bottle it up." He rubs your arm gently. His advice makes you explode into his arms. You cling onto his shirt and rub your head into his chest. He wraps his arms around your body and brings you closer to him.

"If this is about Dan, forget him Y/N. Look what he's doing to you." Alfie looks down at you and you hug him tighter.

"You need to be treated better. You guys may have not been together in the first place, but you need someone else." He lifts your chin, making you look into his eyes. Tears run down your cheeks and you bite your bottom lip, trying to stop the flow.

"I want to be that person." He grins and searches your eyes. Alfie starts to lean in and brings your lips closer to his. The world begins to slow down until it completely comes to a halt. You look up at Alfie; his eyes shut and his body frozen in place. The birds and the river itself is silent.

Thing is, you didn't do this.

No time skips in this one :p
And holy granoly, 7 K? How in the world do you like this story? Thank you so much! Remember to vote and comment my trash bags.

Love you!