Write to Me (bl) Student/Teacher

Chapter 1

"Why? Why would you do something like this?" He screams at me. I'm not surprised at his reaction. I knew it was going to end like this from the very beginning.

"Have you ever had to hide who you really are from the people you care about most?" I question. He doesn't say anything. Slowly I walk to the couch, carefully sitting next to him. Our legs are slightly touching and he scoots away from me. A pang of pain shoots through me.

I knew this would happen and I told myself not to get in this deep, but I did. I didn't mean for it to happen. I can make endless excuses but that won't do anything. It won't take away my pain or his.

"Matt please let me explain this." I beg. "I know it won't change anything but I want you to know how it happened...from my point of view. If you still want nothing to do with me then I understand, but please." He lifts his head to look at me as a tear slides down my face.

He looks into my eyes. "I don't want to know how. I just want to know why." His stare was intense. It was like he was trying to rip the truth out of me. I wanted to break the gaze but I couldn't; I was frozen. "Why? Why me? Why take it this far if you didn't even mean it!"

"It was all real! Every second of it."

"Why?"

"At first, you were just the hot guy. Then I got to know you and before I knew it, I was already on the ground. I had fallen...hard. I was willing to risk everything to stay with you. I know it was selfish, but I just wanted this," I said pointing between the two of us, "to stay the way it was; perfect."

"Well how did that work out for you?" He asks. Rudely if I'm not mistaken.

"Look I get that you're mad, but come on! At least talk to me."

"You want to talk? Fine then; let's talk. Tell me how this all got started. Tell me why and how you got away with making a fool out of me for so long. Tell me why you lied about being legal. Tell me."

"Ok. Thank y-"

"No. Do not thank me. I'm not doing this for you. It's for me. I need answers."

****

It’s silent for a long time after I had finished telling him. The couch had lost its warmth and the homey feeling of Matt’s apartment was replaced with tension. I knew it was coming but I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to stay happy.

“Matt please say something.” I spoke up hoping to break the painful silence.

He kept his eyes on his hands as he spoke. “What am I supposed to say to that?” It was barely a whisper. “I mean the past week has been…and now its...I just don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

He straightened up and something in him changed. He was no longer the smiling genuine Matt. “Yeah me too. I’m sorry for putting you in a situation like this. I mean I’m a teacher. I’m 24 years old. I should have known you weren’t old enough. I shouldn’t even be focussing on men right now. I just started my career.”

“Matt.” I whisper. This sudden change shocked me.

“It’s Mr. Tanner.”

“Matt don’t do this.”

“You should leave.”

“I know it’s only been a week, but you can’t deny that it was real. Even if I do leave those feelings won’t leave with me.”

Matt stood up from the couch and walked to the door, holding it open for me. I stood in the doorframe facing him. My eyes never left his face while his were failing to meet mine. I gently lift his chin so he can look at me and place a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. I don’t wait for a response. I just leave. With every step I take I feel like I’m losing a piece of me, of my heart. I don’t look back though. I get in my car and scream. I look up to his apartment window and see him but in a flash he’s gone.

In six hours I went from having everything I wanted in life, to losing the one thing that mattered most.