Seeing Red [✓]

prologue: the day I lost green

Heellooo I'd love it if you guys voted and commented on this chapter of SR. It means a lot to me when you guys show interest in my stories, especially one that has a lot of personal experiences in it. So, welcome aboard, sit tight and enjoy the romance, and the draaama. 

When did you first realize you liked boys?

I'm not talking about trying to figure yourself out. I'm talking actually knowing you liked boys?

Untangling your way out of experimentation. Breaking away the chains of confusion and resting ever so gently into the arms of realization.

That you liked dick.

It was my sixteenth birthday when I first realized that I,  Ash King, emphatically and without question,  liked dick.

Some friends from school decided to hang out at my place since I never did like big birthday celebrations because of my condition.

Picture it: sixteen, talking nonsense with 6-8 other guys in sweat pants and blaring music in the background. Junk food, root beer, dumb jokes.

It was all just fun and games.

But its usually all just fun and games until a group of boys decide to play spin the bottle.

At first, when Kyle suggested it, laughing his way through the sentence, the others boys laughed right along with him calling him a 'fag' and 'suspect'.

It was sixteen year old boy foolishness. Teenage boy garbage. Straight adolescent trash talking.

As they laughed around the couch in front of the tv that played some Lil Wayne track in which he used a lollipop as a sexual metaphor,  I sat there silently, hands in my lap and  trying to force myself to not get too excited about the idea of tonguing it up with one of my friends.  

Yes,  I was still trapped inside the clutches of Confusion.

My mind was telling me no,  you don't wanna jam your tongue down Kyle's throat.

But my other parts were saying jam everything  down Kyle's throat.

I pressed my hands harder into my lap. 'stay down, boy' I thought. Ain't nothing worse than looking gay in the front of a bunch of black boys.

But it was just fun and games then, mostly. Straight boys loved nothing more than to test the limits of their straightness. To see how far they could go without crossing that straight line in the rainbow colored sand. 

Until the front door opened and my big brother and his best friend trickled in, stopping when they saw us. 

"What you cats doing?" Kenneth asked. His eyes sat on me and they seemed to glisten. Kenzie loved nothing more than to terrorize me.  "Did Mom or Dad say you could have these ugly looking fools over?"