.ŵēłçømē tø bēłłēvīłłē hīgh. // frerard [DISCONTINUED]

16

I'm laughing,

I'm crying,

It feels like,

I'm dying.

TW // smoking and mentions of drug use

Sunday 9th April 2007

"Frank Anthony Iero Junior! I've been shouting you for almost 10 minutes!" my dad stormed into my room, shouting and waking me up. I groaned and rubbed my sore eyes; sore from crying my stupid ass self to sleep last night.

"What is it now, Dad?"

"It's almost 12:30! You have to eat!"

"Not really," I responded, my voice groggy as i sat up before stretching out and yawning.

"What on Earth are you on about, Frank?" He gave me a strange look before i heard him mumble, "you must still be half asleep."

"What I mean is that I'm very much used to skipping breakfast. Y'know. Just like i do pretty much every morning."

"Don't get smart with me, young man. You are my son and if I say you need to eat then you need to eat!" He exclaimed, "be downstairs in 5 minutes please." He turned away, "and put some pants on please, Frank." He sighed before walking downstairs.

Hey, at least I was wearing boxers this time.

Yeah...

Last time was awkward...

----------

I sat at the table with a bowl of untouched Lucky Charms set out in front of me, The Middle by Jimmy Eat World playing from the radio in the background.

I tried separating the rainbow pieces from the green clover ones; anything to take my mind off of the previous night.

Anything to keep my mind off of the Ways.

Anything to keep my mind off of Gerard fucking Way.

Anything to keep my mind off of his stupid, raven hair and golden-hazel eyes; his lopsided smile and his cute little pixie no--

"Frank, are you high?"

"What?! Why would you ask that?!"

"You're smiling like an absolute moron. Are you okay?"

"Yes! I'm fine, Dad!"

"You sure? I mean, last night you came home terribly aggravated and went straight to your room. You didn't take anything, right?"

"Dad!"

"Frank!"

"Right, okay, I swear I haven't taken anything."

"Okay but are you completely, perfectly one hundred percent su--"

"That's fucking it. I got dragged down here to eat when I don't want to and end up getting interrogated and accused of something I didn't do!" I snapped.

I stood up quickly, causing my chair to fall back and crash down to the laminate floor.

I marched out of the dining room, back up the stairs and into the security of my bedroom, being sure to lock the door behind myself.

I walked to my small, safe-like cupboard; long forgotten by my father as I had hidden it with a pile of old clothes that I claimed was just a "typical teenager's laundry pile" and we would leave it at that.

I opened it up and was met with dozens of what I hadn't encountered alone for months.

I'd told myself I'd quit.

I'd been able to quit pot for fuck sake.

I'd never go back to that.

Ever.

But the corner shop's signature cancer sticks seemed to always have me coming back for more from the first drag and god it was heaven.

I took a packet and flipped the lid open, sitting on the floor with my back leaned against the side of my bed and one leg on either side of the cupboard before me. I reached back into the cupboard, moving packs among packs of smokes around until I retrieved my lighter.

I brought the cigarette to my lips, resting it loosely between my teeth and lighting it before putting the lighter aside and taking the smoke between my right index and middle finger.

I took a long drag of it, savouring the sour taste that I had missed so very much and relishing in how mellow I felt. As if the whole world was at peace.

I closed my eyes and leant my head back against my bed, taking several more drags and blowing the smoke out, watching it spiral into the air of the shithole that was my bedroom.

----------

Somewhere between three to eight packets of smokes later, all of my worries were no more. I was more relaxed than I'd ever been in my entire life.

I felt my eyelids become heavy as I became more and more drowsy by the second. I reached under my bedsheets and grabbed my phone.

I switched it on and cause a glimpse of the time. 15:13pm.

Suddenly, I dropped my phone, my whole body giving in to sleep and hitting the floor with a loud thump.