Redemption

Part 8

Jessica's pov:

I was so terrified to experience happiness again. I knew that as soon as I did something would come along and destroy it, it wouldn't even be worth it. I'd rather not feel happy at all if it means I would hurt less when everything came crashing down. I wasn't sure how to function properly, Daisy tried but she couldn't get through to me. The worst thing about it is that I didn't feel sad, I just felt numb. I'd cry and cry but my expression would remain blank and I was unable to speak. I hated this, everyone hated seeing me like this.

I needed to get out of my room, there were so many memories in there that hurt just thinking about them, so I made my way to the canteen. I tried to keep my head down on the way, hiding my face as I felt so ashamed, so guilty. Ethan's blood was on my hands, I should have just walked away from Ward when I had the chance instead of letting myself dance with him!

As I entered the canteen I saw Ward standing at the counter, as soon as he saw me his expression changed to a hurt one and he began walking out.

"You don't have to leave because of me" I croaked and he stopped walking.

"I don't want to upset you, hurt you Jess"

"There's no chance of that happening because I can't hurt anymore" I walked and sat down at the counter, rubbing my sore eyes as I tried to stop the tears. I heard the kettle flick on and I glanced at Ward who was now making me a drink.

"I wish I could take it away Jess, I really do and if there was a way I'd do it in a heartbeat...but me being here will not help you. It'll just make things worse"

"You told me you lost someone you loved" I whispered. "When I was first kept at Hydra you told me about agent 33" He slowly turned around and faced me nodding.  "How did you cope?"

"I got revenge on Shield" He half smiled. "Didn't exactly work out but I tried. Her death destroyed me and it was their fault"

"So I should get revenge? On Hydra and the inhuman?" I asked him as he placed the cup in front of me whilst sitting next to me.

"Revenge doesn't suit you, it's the bad way of doing things" It looked like he was going to place a hand on mine but as soon as he realised what he was about to do, he quickly snapped his hand back.

"Because I'm so good. Maybe that's why bad things happen to me, maybe I have to man up and become a little more bad" I whispered but he frowned and shook his head at me.

"That's not you Jess. I won't let you change yourself for the worse. You're stronger than that" It was strange how his words comforted me, strange that any hate I felt for him had faded because I was blinded by a dark numb feeling.

"I'm tired of losing people Ward, everytime I lose someone I slowly start to lose myself" I covered my face with my hands as the tears fell more rapidly now.

"You'll never lose yourself, you have us here for you to make sure of that. We won't let you do anything stupid, we won't let you make your life worse  because you think you need to change. What's happened to you is not your fault, you can't help what goes on around you but you just need to be strong, embrace the help of others"

"You sound like me" I gave off a small chuckle, dropping my hands whilst faking a smile at him. "I'm normally the one who helps people, gives a awesome speech"

"Well sometimes the person who helps everyone else is the one that needs the most help" He shrugged.

"You've changed" I stared at him, confused but in a good way. "You told me that I had changed for the better but you've changed"

"I told you I would, for you" He whispered and I looked down. "I wouldn't lie to you Jess"

"Do you like the new you?"