It Was Night By Then (Vivaldi x reader)

Part 14: But I'm in love with you.

Vivaldi's POV

She slapped me. She slapped my face hard. She slapped my cheek and I saw her face. 
It's my fault. I was frustrated, jealous, annoyed, hurt. Vladimir's getting all her attention. He's treated differently. They look like the real lovebirds than me being with her. Who am I to laugh? She's only kissing me. Nothing more than a simple cold-hearted kiss came from her. Her kiss changed; it was different. They're colder than I recalled: hard, cold, bleak. I would love it right now that God condemned me to hell already. I hurt her feelings too much and I've said something I mustn't have said.

"You know what? Fine! I don't even want to see you, no, in fact, I don't even want to see you ever again."
"We're just friends after all, there's nothing special about us."
"Don't even try finding me,"
"Because"
"I don't want to see you."

Her face crumbled into sadness. I couldn't stop but thinking what had happened. I hurt her. I hurt her too much and I made her cry. Her voice lost balance and faltered. I couldn't forget. I heard her screaming in pain, crying in pain. I heard her clear. I made her – no I forced her to say it. I made her say things that hurt her internally.

My knees felt weak. I trudged along the way to my room. A cold room I hadn't stepped in for years. Old dusty bookshelves at the side of the bed and an old mattress fixed in front of the bookshelf. I let myself fall to the old dirty bed and it creaked loud. The springs must've gotten all rusty. My head felt heavy because of her. I couldn't stop thinking of her. Did she really mean it? I love you like my brother. Did she really mean that? We're just friends. It's my fault. I tossed her emotions like a toy. I stared at the old dark ceiling that was once filled with Christmas lights I used to decorate my room to keep the demons away. It's all just dark ceiling filled with nothing. I tried thinking about other things like demons attacking but ... it all comes back to one thing. Her.

Everything about her made me crazy. Her kisses, her touch her voice and her – just everything about her. The reason why I left the car and went outside was to stop myself from getting all excited about her being naked. I do like her – No, fuck that – I am in love her. My heart's killing me, telling me that I should just pull her into a kiss, telling me that loving her wasn't wrong. I know that it's not wrong to love her but my head's telling me that loving her is wrong as if it is a crime to love her. I really do want to break this friendship of ours and tell her how much I really love her. She's the one who could touch me, who could hug me, who could kiss me and who could love me. But I pushed her away because of my fear. I'm stupid. I'm the foolish wolf. How can I face her now? She doesn't want to see me anymore. She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't like me anymore. All because of what I did to her. I didn't know how much it could hurt her. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, to greet her, to look at her. I ignored her and avoided her though inside my messy thoughts were all about her. I really do love her and I don't want her to leave me. I finally found the right person who could be there to pull me into a warm embrace whenever I'm in tears. She made me feel this feeling I hadn't felt for eons. This painful knot inside my chest I despised appeared again after a long break.

I howled and roared and growled in frustration, ripping my tux off and my eyes flashed. I'm annoyed. She's probably ending up with Vladimir. Just like a game where I shoot her heart and the mutt's picking it up. Vladimir's the mutt. I'm annoyed and hurt. Why the fuck did I ignored her or avoided her? What's wrong with me?! God damn it. I messed up my hair, pulled my hair. I stood up and kicked the leg of the bed blatantly and cursed some words. I'm annoyed. My hands trembled and I balled up a fist, punched a nearby bookshelf as my human hand bleed. I'm frustrated. I yelled and yelled and yelled out swearing. I'm jealous. My eyes burned and my throat dried up. I fell to the floor, kneeling down and I huffed and puffed. My chest rose and fell. This is too much. It's my fault I hurt her. It's my fault I'm hurt. I couldn't handle this pain anymore. I hadn't felt it for so long and I couldn't endure it. I let my tears go. "Fuck...!" I cursed the same words over and over as I cried loud at the corner of the bed. "I love you, God damn it. I do." I brought my forearm to hide my tears. "Let me have you... _________... I love you..." I repeated the words and it echoes through room. I love her. I love the Little Lamb. She's the smart Lamb. I'm the foolish wolf. I sobbed. I tried stopping but there was no stopping. I sobbed loud, cried loud, wailed and bawled in stupid tears I had prohibit to escape my eyes for years.

Reader's POV

After all that commotion, Vladimir carried me to his room. I was feeling sleepy after I cried loud and him sucking my blood. "You should rest now... you're beat." Vladimir placed me to his royal like bed. His room was majestic. Not to mention he's the head after all. He smiled and sat at the edge of the bed. "I'll be here to keep an eye. The demons sometimes could get here." My hand reached his hand and I held onto his hand. I just wanted some warmth right now. Vladimir's expression changed, wide-eyed. My eyelids felt heavy. Vladimir smiled and stroked my head, patting me. I wanted this warmth to stay forever. Vladimir's kind. He's really kind. I admire him. "Vlady..." My hushed voice escaped my lips. "Yes?" His deep gentle voice replied mine. "... Thank you." Vladimir smiled and covered my body with a blanket. "You're always welcome." My eyelid slowly closes and the vision went dark. "...________?" Vladimir called and my lips moved but I couldn't emit any voice. I began falling asleep. It's getting hard for me to stay away. "__________...?" his voice echoes in my head. ...Yes...? I couldn't feel my body anymore and I felt floating. ... I...

I...'m... ti...r...e..d...

Short part :'D

To be continued because part 15 will be the most emotional one for Vivi.