Making Babies #NewAdult

~Forty Eight~

         "I'm sorry to come over here  unannounced, I know you don't want me around at the moment but I heard you went to see Dexter so I wanted to make sure you're okay." He said and looked at Arden, making sure she was asleep before pulling the bottle out of her mouth, he then walked over to the mobile bed we kept in the living room and slowly placed her in, being extremely careful as not to wake her up in he process. I could just imagine her squirming as she was put down.

           Finally, after taking great care of his daughter and her comfort, he straightened himself  and turned to look at me, his hands in his pockets, the expression on his face soft, one of concern and love.

             "Are you alright?" He asked and right there, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry not because I wasn't okay, far from that. I felt as if I was free from the burden I had been carrying around on my back and in my heart. The one that made it almost impossible to live a fulfilled life. The one that made it impossible for me to love and accept the unconditional love that Frederick had been wanting to shower me with.

           "Eva?" I heard coming from him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath that I slowly released a few seconds later, and, as I was opening my eyes, I felt the first of many tears fall on my cheek.

            I gazed at him from where I was standing and smiled sadly. "I forgot for a second," I spoke softly, the tears clouding my vision of him, my heart broke for the billionth time in my life but this time, the heartbreak and sadness that I was nursing had everything to do with my own insecurities, demons, and fears.
   
            Through the clouds, I saw Frederick take a step in my direction. I shook my head lightly, using my fingers to wipe away at my tears. He stopped moving. I sighed heavily.

          "For a second, I had had almost forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end of your love and I never want to ever forget that because that love is what pulls me through when the darkness threatens to invade and inhabit my body and take over my soul." My voice broke as I said the last words, my heavy heart suddenly as light as a feather.

           I was watching him and as every second of him being silent passed, I started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I had finally succeeded at pushing him away forever.

            My heart, oh my poor heart was beating so incredibly fast while I prayed silently to God to give me one more chance to prove to him that he wasn't alone in this and that my love for him was beyond human understanding. That I loved him for who he was and what he had given me and for everything he stood for in my life.

           Today, finally, I was ready to accept that sometimes, it was okay not to question the love people have for you. I had been fighting it for so long, I had been scared of getting hurt for so long that I had forgotten that it was okay to keep my guards down.

          "Please, tell me you hadn't given up on me yet. Please, tell me I still hold a part of your heart because I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself if I've pushed you so far away that coming back isn't worth it to you." I smiled sadly, the tears now steadily streaming down my cheeks.

           I was scared to look up because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it if he had decided to part ways with me.

           "Eva, look at me." He spoke and just like that, I raised my head to meet his eyes, wiping off the tears as they kept falling.

           I laughed nervously and witnessed the moment his poker face transformed into the most beautiful smile, beside my daughter's, that I had ever seen.

           "No matter how far your fears and doubts pushed me, I will always come back to you because you are what I need." He promised, and I felt my whole body shaking as I released that breath I was holding in.