Collection Of Poems: Feelings and Fears

What Is It Like Having C-PTSD?

Patterns. You find patterns in everything, analyze them, strip them down to the bones.

Good patterns. Patterns that keep you safe, patterns that worked, patterns that helped you cope.

Bad patterns. Patterns that always seem amiss, patterns missing a crucial component, patterns that keep you alert.

These patterns never leave you. They become a part of you, it's something that you have to live with everyday.

You start using the patterns in daily life without thinking about it. It becomes subconscious, a second nature.

Look over your shoulder constantly when walking alone, clench the straps of your purse tightly, walk tall and look menacing so nobody will bother you, always look back after someone passes you in the street so they're not following you, turn away from loud noises because it could be a threat, block out screaming so you don't have to remember feeling helpless the last time someone was in pain, withdraw from others so you do not infect them with your internal disease, pull yourself in to keep from falling apart, protect yourself from anything and everything, keep your face hidden away until you are certain the "enemy" is gone forever.