It was bright and loud in the room. The noise pierced through the earplugs. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. My head was throbbing and my limbs were aching. I was seated in an uncomfortable chair for the past two hours now. I was tired, worn out and sick. All I wanted was to leave, go home and crawl under the sheets. But I couldn't. I promised everyone I'd make it today, people were counting on me.
Ben: Honey, you look horrible. Are you sure you can do this?
C: The cold meds already kicked in. I'm fine.
I wasn't fine, but I figured nobody needed to know.
I turned my head to the left. In the distance I could see Liz, the person I once called a friend. Nowadays our relationship was more than complicated.
I looked around. There weren't many girls I recognized. Most of them were young, fresh faces. Full of pride and cockiness.
I sighed. This was my first runway show in over a year. It's a wonder I got booked at all. I was sure people had already forgotten about me. Now, amidst all these beautiful girls, I kinda wished they had.
C: How much longer?
I kept checking my phone for new texts. I invited the boys with their girlfriends and also Bridget to the show. And I also reserved seats for my parents. Something I now regretted.
Although the biggest fashion show of the year, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was essentially a mix of beautiful girls in skimpy lingerie and a free concert. I wasn't sure my dad would enjoy the sight of me in lingerie.
Ben: I'm almost finished with your hair, darling. Afterwards Tim will do your makeup.
He eyed me expectantly.
Ben: You know, many doubted you would even show up today.
C: Because I'm sick?
Ben: No. Because you were out of the business for a whole year. Because of all the things that were written about you.
C: It wouldn't be professional of me to throw everything I've worked so hard for away now. And you know I'm all about professionalism.
I knew sooner or later people would ask these questions. But this time I was prepared. I've had enough time these past 12 months. Enough time to think about what I wanted. In my job and in my personal life. Enough time to think about what I did, and enough time to figure out how to deal with the consequences of my actions.
Ben: I'm just saying. People even placed bets.
C: So what?
I didn't care if I came across as a bitch. This was the new Me now. Focused, decisive and eager.
Ben: I heard people say that you looked more than surprised when you got the job.
People? The only people who could of known were the models who also attended the casting. The same ones that are here now, getting pampered from head to toe.
C: I bet the only surprised faces belonged to the other models.
I got up since Ben was finished doing my hair and left without another word. I clung firmly to my phone as I made my way across the backstage area to get to Tim, the makeup guy. I felt dizzy, partially because of my head cold. Partially because of what was about to come.
I was nervous. How could I not be? I was afraid I might slip and fall. The level of shame would be unbearable. I realized that everyone here today was waiting exactly for that thing to happen. They all wanted to see me fail.
C: Probably placed bets on it too.
Tim: What did you say?
C: Nothing. I was just thinking out loud.
I checked my phone again. The show was in two hours. Until now no one arrived. No one texted me back.
Tim: Are you waiting for someone?
C: Just checking the time.
Tim: Nervous?
C: Not in slightest bit.
Tim: The place is packed. It's gonna be huge this year.
Great. Now I was even more nervous.
My phone vibrated in my hand and I jumped up in shock.
Tim: Easy. You're gonna ruin my masterpiece.
I ignored his words and read the message I received. It was from Bridget.
From Bridget:
Sam and I ran into the boys and their plus ones outside. We're already seated and I'm already bored. When is the show starting again?
I chuckled and looked in the mirror. Tim's eyes grew huge as he tried to read the message. I quickly covered the display with a hand and replied briefly.
To Bridget:
Less than one and a half hour to go. I'm still in hair & makeup. Have you seen my parents yet?
From Bridget:
No, I haven't. Want me to call your mom?
To Bridget:
That would be awesome, thanks.
I smiled a little, knowing that whatever happened I had my favorite people supporting me. Immediately I relaxed.
Soon people rushed in and collected the models that were ready. Tim finished my makeup and I was escorted to a room nearby so I could put on my first outfit. Time passed by and then we were all lined up behind the curtain, waiting for the show to start.
Suddenly a busied production assistant came up to me. She had to take a couple deep breaths before she could speak.
Asst: We have a problem with our first outfit. Put on your wings, you're opening the show.
All heads turned to my direction while I'm sure I looked like a timid fawn.
C: What?
Asst: It's okay. You're gonna switch places, that's all.
Promptly another assistant apperead and helped me strap on my wings. Immediately my palms turned sweaty. I wasn't nervous anymore, I was terrified. No matter what happened out there I would get crap for stealing another model's spotlight. And it wasn't even my decision. Others decided and they could've picked anyone.
Why me?
I had no time debating over this as the music started playing in the background. A person standing next to me counted down and gave me a light push.
I emerged from behind the curtain, blinded by the dazzling lights.
