Ambivalence [p.h.] - EDITING

chapter 19 || progress report

A/N here you go!  I didn't have a ton of homework this weekend so I had time to make an extra long chapter.  Hope you like it.  Up here is a picture of a tattoo ^

I leave dinner early to run over everything Four and I talked about.  I bump through the corridors after eating only a bowl of pasta and a bit of chicken to get to the dorms.  Swinging the door open, I whirl over to my bed and flop down on top of the covers.  Peter, I think to myself.  How did Four see it?  How didn't I?  

I wander over to the showers and step underneath one of the shower heads.  I figure warm water will help soothe me and prepare me for tomorrow's simulations.  I tie my long, chestnut hair into a messy bun before turning on the water.  I close my eyes as he water releases the tension in my muscles and turns my pale skin red.  Scrubbing away at the bits of dirt on me, I subconsciously start to hum.  I don't quite know what song it is, but I've heard it before while exploring through the Dauntless compound.  I don't know who wrote it, but Tori told me, after singing it to her, that it's one of the most well-known songs in Dauntless, and was written before the war.  I begin to mumble the words to the first verse before growing more confident in my singing.

"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away.  Ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away.  You shoot me down, but I won't fall, I am titanium.  You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium."  I turn the water off with wrinkly fingers while belting out the final chorus, then pulling a towel around me and gathering my dirty clothes.

"You have a nice voice."  I almost drop the towel in surprise when I see Peter sitting down on his bunk with his fingers laced in his lap.  I pull the towel up around me and feel the heat rushing to my face.

"I'm really not that good," I ramble.  To grab a clean outfit, I stumble over to my own bunk.  I awkwardly turn around so that my back faces Peter as I pull on my clothes.

"Oh, but you really are.  You should sing for me more often."  I turn my head and roll my eyes before sitting down and cautiously pulling on a pair of shorts.  I mumble a faint "we'll see," before picking up my dirty clothes and towel.  

"I need to go put these in the wash.  I'll be back," I explain.

"I'll come with you?" Peter suggests.  "I have clothes to dump anyways."

"O-okay," I stutter.  Who knew realizing I like him would make me so... awkward?  Peter gathers a bunch of random garments near his bunk and follows me out the door.  The trips there and back are full of regular chatter, though everything feels a bit different now.  I hope it goes away.

• • •

"So how are you coping with this revelation of yours?" 

"I thought you were an instructor, not an emotional therapist or... or a love life consultant."

"As appealing as those may be," Four laughs, "I think I'll stick with this."

"Thought so," I say with a smile.  "And to answer your question, I'm starting to get awkward around him.  Like, really awkward."

"That's okay," Four instructs.  "Just be yourself.  He already li– never mind."  I lift an eyebrow at Four's abrupt ending and sit back in the chair.  He comes at me with the syringe and a faint smile on his lips as he whispers a quiet "be brave."

I'm standing on a giant platform in the middle of the Pit.  I look beside me to see Eric and Max on my left, and two other people, of whom I assume to be leaders as well, on my right.  I don't know what's going on until Max calls for silence.