Chapter One: Darn

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by INFStudios

by INFStudios

-Paul-

Well, crap. Me, an ordinary, innocent dude named Paul Fowler, can't propose to his girlfriend without getting interrupted by a FRICKIN' ALIEN. Right now, the world's gone to crap. A secret military set up safe zones throughout the world. An alien invasion is trying to gank human existence and take Earth as their own. Well, I look them in the face and reenact Mitt Romney v. Barack Obama Epic Rap Battle by screaming, "BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE, EAGLE!!" while slapping that invasion back and forth across the face. But, in order to explain everything, I'm gonna have to go back to the beginning. Here goes.

"Oh, sorry!" I apologize as I bump into a lady on the street. The coffee I'm holding starts to spill over the edge of the cup and onto my skin. Dear God, the burn was excruciating.

"Oh, no, my bad," she replied, looking at my hand then to the painful look on my face. "Fresh cup, huh?"

"Yeah. Doesn't hurt too bad, though."

Suddenly, I feel this sudden happiness, like a part of me has been missing it's just been found. Holy crap, we just zinged Hotel Transylvania style! I'm gonna ask her out.

"Allow me to apologize for bumping into you, my fair las. I'll make it up to you. How do you feel about dinner, tomorrow night, at the new Italian place down the street from here?" I ask her, hoping for a positive answer. I could tell she felt that zing, too. Thank God she said "Yes" that day. Fast-forward three years later...

"Okay, what's the deal?" my girlfriend, Jennifer, or "Jen", as I call her, demands. I act all innocent, trying to hide what's happening, and say, "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

Jen lightly punches me in the arm and continues, "Dude, we're in Centennial Park at six in the afternoon. What do you have planned?" I smile, thinking about what's ahead. I think about us being together, forever. I think about how she is the only one who ever mattered. I think about my love for her, and how I'd do anything for her.

"There is something going on, actually," I confess. I pull out my phone and dial the number of her father. Once he answers, I say, "Mr. Greggs, can I ask for a teensy, weensy favor? I wanna marry your daughter and I want your go-ahead." After hearing his generous reply, I thank him and hang up. I then pull a Ring Pop out of my pocket, unwrap it, and get down on one knee.

"Jen," I start, "you are beautiful, you are kind, and you are the love of my life. Will y--" I was interrupted by a BIG FREAKING OBJECT ABOUT TO CRASH INTO THE GROUND. She sees my worried look and turns around, noticing what I saw.

"Damn it, I was just about to friggin' propose. Alright, umm ... EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR FREAKING LIVES!!!" I scream.

I grip her by the hand and we run as fast as we possibly could. Oh, my God, I've never run that fast. Felt like I was flying. I glance back at the ... thing ... that was crashing into the ground. Closer, and closer, and closer it came. Right before it crashed, it felt as if time had frozen. The impact sent me and Jen flying far away from each other, dirt shooting high into the air. The sound made my ears bleed, and every piece of glass within a 2-block radius shattered.

When the dust cleared, I could see a figure off to my right, lying on the ground. It was Jen. I sprinted to her aid, trying to make sure she was alive. When I arrived, she was alive, just a few cuts and bruises and some sort of purple gunk all over her forehead. She was writhing on the ground, complaining about millions of voices, all being extremely loud in her head. Then I heard clanking somewhere in front of me. I look up, realizing what that thing was for: holding an alien. Aww, crap.

There was a cracked glass window on the front, and I could see a fist pounding at the glass, trying to escape. That moment when you know you're screwed, am I right?

Well, it broke the glass and tumbled out of the hole in the ... I'm gonna say pod. Anyway, when it stood up, I saw a grey, four-sided jewel on its chest. It immediately shot off of it and onto my chest. A suit emerged from the gem. I couldn't exactly tell what I looked like at that moment, but I had a feeling I looked more awesome than ten free meat-lover's pizzas. I suddenly felt really, really tired. I knew I was gonna pass out, so I had to make every second count.

I looked at my arms. Sweet Jesus, I had metallic wings. They were huge, and they hovered next to my arms at all times. They seemed to bend as my arms did from the elbows down. All of a sudden, I was hovering in the air. Dear God, I was flying! I looked at the rabid creature that was panting and giving me the stink eye. I had a feeling this guy didn't like me. Without hesitating, I flew straight at him as best I could (I haven't had any flying lessons, of course) and impaled him with my wings. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I gave into my tiredness and passed out.