Avoiding Alpha

Chapter Twenty Five

Distraught wasn’t the word. He knew logically that he was following the trail; he knew logically there was a plan set in motion. His muscles moved as his brain told them to, but his mind just wasn’t keeping up. Every now and then the enormity of what was happening crept over him and he felt utter despair, the likes that made him want to not only howl at the night but stand there and do nothing. He didn’t know how he could go on in the world. He was… numb. Just numb. He wondered how Nancy had managed to keep her sanity, how she still cooked for the pack whilst grieving. Why tears and hysterics were enough for her when he felt like he was both, not doing enough, and had no energy to do anything at all.

                His torn mind and body was seen in his footsteps. They were not quiet and there was a lack of skill with every placement of his foot. He cracked twigs and walked on dry leaves that crunched under his weight. He avoided trees at the last minute having not noticed them in his clouded vision. It took a long time to realise that as silent as he was, tears were actually pouring from his eyes, falling down his cheeks and he had lost all the image of one very powerful, dominant male. He was now weak, vulnerable and when an arm took hold of his to guide him away from a tree and further along the line, so he wouldn’t be left behind, not only did he feel like a new and inexperienced young pup, but he felt… useless. Broken. Like an old man whose sight was suddenly taken from him completing the image of decay.

“Keep up there, Alpha.” Lebon stepped back from his place to aid him and his heart truly went out for Ray. He looked too lost.

                He was tempted to send him home, he was too dazed, making noise that was the product of childish mistakes. Broken leaves of all things, even children knew to avoid them. The tough visage of the Alpha had disappeared and the loss was a scary thing to witness second hand. So easily done was the striping of power. Of life in a way. But they had to keep going, Ray had to see this through to the end, they had a chance. A slim chance but one none the less.

“She’s not here Lebon.” He mumbled to him.

“I know Ray, I know. We’re going for her.”

“Nancy managed, she was a woman, why can not I? I’m Alpha.”

“You had further to fall.” Lebon answered with the only logical answer he could pick out but the words sunk into his head and niggled his brain.

                He didn’t know what his questions would bring up or even if he would get an answer but something wasn’t right.

“What was Nancy like?”

“She screamed, she cried, but she got on. She made the pack dinner, she likes to keep busy. She always makes meals for the pack. She was upset but she carried on. She wasn’t like this.”

“She grieved like a human?”

“Yes, yes that’s it.”

“Come on Ray, not much longer, tell me more about Nancy I’m very interested…”