bang, bang [ziam]

slap, punch, kiss

my music taste is kinda strange but if you wanted to know what songs i listened to while i wrote the parts, here you go :-)
p.s: this sucks!

           liam's pov

girl like me - ladyhawke

standinging in the way of control - gossip

            zayn's pov

no romance - tirzah

left hand free - alt j

l.p

my pockets and shoulders felt so heavy that day. it was like i had lost myself in gale force winds of desperation and my fingers slipped past what i had thought was tangible. my body got swept up in the currents that i tried so hard to fight off, just to end up drowning in self doubt. i couldn't even make up some excuse for my actions, like i just had too many things going in my head and that's why i did it. but nothing would make the situation feel right. i wanted to do it and that isn't acceptable - nothing felt okay. i don't know who i am anymore and that scares me.

the way the car alarm screamed and howled up the street when we managed to unlock it wasn't okay. sitting in the passenger seat of stolen property with the evidence in my shaking hands, too shocked to say anything was torture. the smell of andy's cigarettes as he smoked all the way to jay's car retail shop, giddy and full of life. he was ecstatic and deliriously laughing, rolling down all of the windows as the breeze flew past our ears and if was terrifying. the dirty, laundered money that andy and i had received from some dodgy car retail store, it was as if it were nothing. i lost a part of myself that i would never get back that day.

whether it be karma or someone who controls the universe, i had been thrown into the deep end. inescapable is my fucking fate.

i needed the money, i couldn't handle the idea of working seven jobs and still not being able to pay a quarter of the rent. i couldn't go to that fucking bar one more time and the sympathetic looks tilly gives me about my father outing me for being a gaylord. the fact that zayn never comes around to tilly's for a drink anymore and how much it hurts me - he had no clue how happy and worthwhile he made my life. i couldn't make stale food or walk some rich arsehole's poodle just to be underpayed. i needed a break. behind my sister's back, i paid off some of the rent bill in advance with the money i got from stealing a car with andy, and i feel fucking awful about it.

"no, get the fuck away from me!"

in the middle of the night, i wake up to the sound of sobbing and wailing coming from outside. it's the kind of cry that instantaneously incites panic and makes my heart race in my chest rapidly. in the darkness, i feel like i'm falling through a black hole as fear swallows me up at the thought who could be by my house yelling out in dread. running down the stairs with a wooden bat in my hand becomes an instinctual thing when you leave in a shitty part of town, but i find that my horror suffices to be true.

my sister, ruth, is by the barbed fence that surrounds the property with balled up fists, pushing away some man her age. his features are barely revealed except for how tall and intimidating the man is and i could barely see his face under the lamp post that glares down onto the footpath. the man grabs my sister by her shoulders, shaking her like a rag doll, as her clenched hands pound against his chest hard. my brain catches up to whats going on as i begin to fly down the front steps of my house, bat in hand, all too slow.