bang, bang [ziam]

it ain't right

dark red / ryd - steve lacy

just friends - amy winehouse

get you - daniel ceasar ft. kali uchis

l.p

i don't like the look on that man's face. that man being my man. him and louis were acting like ghosts sliding past one another with secrets tucked away in their pockets. zayn's eyes were bleary and dark and something inside of me didn't feel right. he had left with his best friend for the whole day and didn't even tell me and for some reason, i don't trust him. i know zayn and he's a destructive mother fucker. whatever he did, he'd better tell me.

"zayn?" i hiss at his figure walking down the studio, past all of the individual trailers that held many of the department's work inside. i was back into my normal clothes and all of the makeup was washed off of my face.

it was my first day of being in front of a camera and i had people surrounding me the whole day, like grinning shadows who endlessly kissed my arse. everyone had congratulated me, except the person i wanted there. zayn was no where to be found, and now he's trying to avoid me and i fucking hate this side of him for being so afraid of showing off his vulnerabilities - whatever they are. i mean, the same man who is pretty much bolting away from me had told me he loved me this morning when he had me pinned up against his wall in the shower. how can this be possible?

"zayn!" i call out once more, louder so that lucy, the gorgeous makeup artist pops her curly head out of her window with a joint in-between her red-acrylic finger nails. she smirks and all of her tattoos and stunning dark skin descends back into her van, closing her door with an indication that she's on to all of it. zayn stops in his tracks, hands shaking by his sides and his shoulders facing me. finally after hours of him running away from me, i've caught him and his eyes are wet and red. before my anger can get the best of me, my hands brush across his cheeks with worry bubbling inside of my stomach.

"holy shit, zee, are you okay?" i breathily question, my thumb trailing across the darkness around his eyes. something happened and i don't think i want to know. there's so many things that could of gone wrong in zayn's crazy world and i'm afraid of it all catching up to us one day. immediately these irrational thoughts of him cheating on me or drugs come into the picture and i'd wish they'd all just shut up. the worst part of it all is that the thought of not having zayn around terrifies me the most.

"'m fine." he forces himself to smile and it's that same cold, distant expression that i had gotten used to long ago when we first met. he looks like he doesn't want me to touch him and my mind is trying to figure out what the hell happened.

"d-did i do something?" i ask, hand straying from his skin. his lips part and there's a battle going on behind his brown eyes, either wanting to keep his secret or become upset by my vulnerability with him. he hates when i'm uncertain with our relationship.

"no, of course not baby. i love you." he nods and his words are warm, but it doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"then why are you running away from me?" i ask, desperately in need. he looks beaten, but he tries his hardest not to come across as odd. his hands sway past my waist, eyes searching for any bystanders. we couldn't do this at work but... i don't know, i can't help it. he matters more to me than this job. he's the reason that i'm even here. one of his trembling hands cup my waist and pulls me in closer and the other playfully scruffs up my hair, just the way he knows i wanted him to. but i'm chewing on my lip trying not to delve into the obvious distress that is written all over his beautiful face.

"i'm not, i would never run away from you. just uh... need to find louis." he nods and suddenly we both hear someone's shoes scrapping up the pavement. we rip apart immediately, waiting for the man to walk past. once he enters the makeup trailer, i can smell the poignant smell of a hot-box taking place and the intoxicating smoke flooding from it. it's obvious no one gives a fuck about what we're up to right now but zayn is hesitant anyway.