ballerina // jøshler

onze ;

It was cold inside the apartment, and dark. Tyler was quavering by from low temperatures that he just couldn't seem to escape from. He kicked off his shoes, soaking in slowly melting snow. The boy quickly enveloped himself in the blanket draped over the arm of the couch, inhaling the fading scent of his roommate who had now been gone for a full month. A month.

Tyler hadn't realized he was crying until a broken, high pitched hiccup jolted his body, startling him slightly. The blanket wasn't doing much for his warmth as he lay on the sofa, his blood running just as cold as the outside air. Slowly but surely, the boy's sobs got softer and lighter while his eyelids got heavy with exhaustion. Tyler fell asleep, stiff and numb with cold, tears frozen on his plump, red cheeks.

;

Tyler woke with a start, almost jumping out of his dry skin. His breath was ragged and there was a small sweat on his brow. The whole room was pitch black; the clock read 11:37 (he didn't realize he needed that much sleep). The boy was alone and he couldn't stand it.

His uneven breath along with the dangerous cold burned the boy's lungs as he ran down the long strips of road. His legs knew where he was going, yet his mind hadn't fully registered it yet.

Tyler just wanted out. Nothing was going remotely okay. Hell, he didn't even have real ballet slippers and not even a decent pair of tights; everything was truly falling apart.

The boy stopped at an average-sized home tucked tightly in the middle of it's neighbors. All the houses were exactly the same, right down to the mail boxes. Except the house Tyler stood panting in front of had all of its lights on.

Before he knew it, he was raising his bitterly cold hand to the wooden, snow glistened door and knocking semi-harsh. And when the door opened, he was met with barely pink hair, tired eyes, and the best of all, the smell of underwhelming hint of cinnamon and heavenly warmth.

;

Joshua handed the wet boy a cup of coffee, black. Tyler accepted with eagerness, yet not once did he take a sip.

"I-I'm not a huge fan of coffee. Just wanted to warm up my hands." the boy said sheepishly when the elder gave him a questioning look.

After giving him a fresh, fluffy robe to change in to, Joshua cleared his throat.

"What brings you here? I was expecting you at a more...responsible time, like maybe not at midnight?" the man joked, but neither of the two laughed.

"Being alone isn't really my thing, no matter how social awkward I am." another joke minus the humor aspect. Joshua leaned forward, letting his elbows rest on his knees and his chin on his knuckles.

"I'm sorry Tyler. This sucks, obviously. I just want you to know that I'm...I'm here for you." the punk teacher glanced up at the boy sitting in front of him. His face was unreadable, so he felt as if he had no choice but to continue.

"If you need help with anything or with any of your other classes, just come see me. Even if you just want to be around someone, just come by. Please."

Tyler didn't want to cry, but of course, his mind was skipping around Joshua's words like they were Jesus resurrecting on Good Friday. The boy had never felt that cared about since Jenna, and that was a big deal.

Tears brimmed his eyes. He wanted to wipe them away, to not show any vulnerability or emotion, but he didn't. Instead, he just stared straight ahead and down, as if he were very interested in the dirt designs on Joshua's shoes.

"How can I trust you?" it came out unexpectedly. Immediately, Tyler regretted ever open his mouth, ever sitting down, ever running to his house, ever existing. "I-"

"No. I get it." Joshua interrupted him. "You have ever right to be suspicious of me. But, if you would like me to tell you why I look through people's stuff-"

Tyler's ears perked up, "Yes. Please."

The instructor smiled sheepishly, massaging his neck in defeat. "Alright. Well, for starters, I don't snoop through everyone's things. Just the ones who are more closed off."

This got Tyler mad and defensive.  "There's probably a reason why they're closed off that they might not be willing to share." he crossed his arms in an attempt to look intimidating. It didn't work.

"And that's why I do what I do," his voice was a calm ocean on a foggy afternoon, causing Tyler's edge to subside. "You might not understand it, because it's so hard to explain but..." his hands were running through his hair, and the boy thought for sure he was going to start crying out of frustration. "Basically, I don't just want to be a teacher. I want to help my students with everything and anything that I can. If they're not willing to tell me about themselves then I make it my business to find out." Both parties sat in silence, absorbing this new information. "God that sounds so creepy."

"It does." Tyler replied. It was true. It sounded more stalker than guardian angel. Joshua laughed bitterly, but he knew that was the truth as well.

"I...I'm just bad at asking people stuff y'know? And I never like dig through everything - just skim at the surface. But when I got to yours...I saw the tutu and I couldn't stop myself from taking it out. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me."

Tyler wanted to be disgusted by the fact that this man who was supposed to be a respective teacher was looking through his student's personal and private belongings, but somehow he couldn't.

He believed Joshua when he said that he only looked through his things thoroughly. He kind of admired the fact that the man tried so hard to find out more about his students, even if it were in a more unorthodox way.

"You shouldn't do that anymore. You could get fired."

"Yeah, you're right." his voice was like a broken zipper, and Tyler's heart snapped right in half.

"Good." his voice was on the verge of cracking. His wrapped his arms around his own shoulders, abruptly shivering. "I should go home. I'm sorry for keeping you up so late."

"Your clothes aren't even dry yet. Are you sure-"

"It's okay. I'll just catch the bus. I won't walk, I promise."

Joshua was hesitant, but he let Tyler go anyway.

"Goodnight Tyler." the teacher stood in the doorway while the student started to walk down the steps.

"Night Joshua."

"Call me Josh." he called, his voice muffled by the heavy snow. The boy heard, but didn't respond.

He walked to the bus stop, but kept walking. The snow was filling his lungs and suffocating him, but he didn't care.

Part of him felt guilty that he was breaking the promise he made with Joshua, but soon, that part was overtaken by The Man. Tyler walked home, shivering uncontrollably, not only from the snow, but also from the thoughts stabbing at every part of his brain. He barely made it to the apartment in one piece.

Once the door was unlocked and open, the boy found the exact same spot he collapsed in only a few hours earlier. He should've stayed at Joshua's house, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Instead, he curled up on the couch with Jenna's blanket sloppily thrown on top of him and cried.

The blanket started to smell more like tears than the woman it had originally belonged to.

a/n

wait wait woah wait woah

i updated like two days in a rOW

sorry for how bad this sucks tho lmao anyway

have a good rest of ur day/afternoon/night ;)