In A Gang Leaders Debt.

Chapter 22. Phone Calls N Coffee Calls

*unedited*

I've never always been the type to run, not metaphorically at least. I've always been more of the hiding type. I had hid behind Mia and my parents most of my life but when they were all gone, when I was all by myself, I would just sit there and let all of life's obstacles hit me at once. Even as I was falling apart it was so much better than having to constantly worry when it all was going to catch up with me, when it was going to crush me whole. Running wasn't much of a option at first. It couldn't have been when my feet were stuck in between slowly watching my parents marriage fall apart and slowly losing myself.

"You can't miss what you never had."
A quote written by Hunter S. Thompson. His words couldn't have been more correct because yes, you can't miss something you never had but you can imagine your life without something or preferably someone and imagine how horrible your life would be be without it/them. You could miss it in a sense that's not even real and I guess that becomes more of a addiction than a feeling, seeing as how if you never had it, it gets build of imaginary thoughts giving you false emotions on the oblivion. I guess that's what I'm feeling. I became addicted in a sort to them. The Anderson's, the gang. Ace. Chase.

I guess what I'm trying to say but not at all is life's horrifically short yet remarkably magnificent.  I'm no longer scared of the oblivion of how much time I have. It's more so the fact I'm just sitting here, no longer hiding, not running. Just sitting as the impact of life's mysterious ways tumble over me like boulders, holding me down.

It's been three days since the accident and I haven't been in contact with any Anderson's and it's probably because I'm on holiday break but still it's almost a little too much for me to take. I'm tempted to call him, I know it's crazy but they became a part of me. Their lifestyle did.

I've stayed in my bedroom avoiding life like the Plague. It had been three days and I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I just started at the ceiling in pure darkness and I could practically feel my brain cells burning out into charcoal, I could feel myself forgetting what light looked like besides in my nightmares.

My mom knocked on my door on the forth day. The forth. Today. I hadn't seen her since I came back four days ago, while secretly having a glazed wrap around my stitched gun wound, under the oversized Polo shirt I was wearing that belonged to Mrs. Anderson, who I later found out wasn't big on words.

This was the aftermath of my moms breakage. Like the five stages of grief, at first she was in denial, and so was dad, to everything that was going on around them around us yet, they accepted it in a way that wasn't healthy nor healing. That's what probably lead to them being angry. The yelling at each other that wasn't helping or solving anything it was just a way of expressing their growing hatred for each other. Then it was my dad making promises of actually caring for me, that he'll be a humble person if I don't leave his life: bargaining. I could only wonder what my mother wanted.

Her eyes weren't as puffy as they used to be. Her smile wasn't as fake as she tried to make it seem. She's doing better and I'm happy for her. I really am but the news of the divorce hit me just like it did her and I'm still standing. She fell over like a stack of dominoes and my dad was the main player. I still don't know why or who divorced who, I'm just standing here; mentally speaking, hoping she would to.

She sighs, which is the only responsive sound I've gotten from her in the longest time lately.
Her hair is tied back in a thin pony tail and is wearing a gray T-shirt and black trousers.

She sits on the edge of my bed without even being announced to come in with the end of the house phone line pressed to her chest.
"Jinxel, a boy named Ace wishes to speak to you, he says it's important." My heart immediately goes to a scale from 1 to 100 and I have to place my hand to my heart to make sure it won't fly out my chest.