As You Wish

Lost

You had been following Ciel and Sebastian around the East End for hours now, it seemed. The Viscount's cooperation had fallen through, and you had missed your chance to meet him.

You weren't going to break down like you wanted to, but you weren't going to be able to keep your cool much longer either.

How much longer would you have to stay awake? How much more could you take that night? Scotland Yard had left after your meeting with them, and Ciel's fury at their dismissal of his authority was the sole reason you were stuck out in the cold again. You usually liked it, the way the winds blew, the way the snow fell in the dark winter nights. Tonight, though, you loathed it. You wanted to go home.

You didn't care if he was your real father or not; you missed him. You missed the strict man who protected you, who shielded you from this place. What had you ever seen in it?

Glory? Honor? Fame? Fortune? None of that mattered now. You couldn't be proud of who you were. It wasn't your legacy. You couldn't be proud of yourself now, either. You had to keep it a secret. You couldn't be proud of anything- anything about you at all. Your had to throw away everything you had ever wanted to be. You turned to look back down the deserted streets you'd once gleefully traversed in the long days of summer, the crisp, clean days of fall, the early snows of winter, and the flowery air of spring. You wanted to cry, to scream and run away and never look back. You knew at the end of this that something good had to come of it, but that seemed a long way off now, when you could see it so clearly before.

You couldn't be yourself. You needed the Phantomhives to protect you. You had never been scared because no one truly capable of hurting you had ever targeted you. You were free, and now, even in your new home, you felt like a bird in a very expensive cage.

You felt like Ciel was your owner, now, instead of your friend.

Well, he never really wanted to be your friend, and you never wanted to be his either, but whenever your that you thought about it that night, you realised all along that you never really had friends. You worked alone, and now, helplessly looking back at what might have been, you felt alone.

You didn't have anyone anymore. You hated that.

"Where is everyone?" You asked, finally breaking the awful silence.

"Inside, somewhere, anywhere that isn't freezing." Ciel huffed against the collar of his cloak, Sebastian moving closer to him in a formally reserved way of providing warmth and protection. He was like a shadow, only more threatening.

You sighed as a response. Ciel said nothing but kept walking. After another long pause, you spoke again. "Where are we going?"

He huffed again. "I told you. When we find who we're looking for, we'll be there."

"He isn't here, Ciel!" You replied, stopping dead in your tracks. "He stood you up! Don't you see that? Where the Hell would he even be?" You raised your arms and gestured wildly around you. "There isn't anyone out here! We're alone!" You looked up at the starless and then down at your feet, then raised your head again to look Ciel in the eye.

"You should be more careful to use my name." He looked away from you.

"You said I could say it when it's just us and we're alone." You mimicked your earlier movement with your hands. "It's just us! We're alone!"

He moved his head up in an effort to gain the appearance of authority. Sebastian's eyes met yours for a moment, glaring a blood-orange hue in the faint light of the moon. You looked around, noticing the absence of color, of brightness, of anything other than the black of the streets and the white of the snow. It almost looked grey. Everything was wet and cold and filthy. "Even the streetlights are out." You observed.

Sebastian's expression changed from apathy to scrutiny. Then, before you knew what was happening, the sounds of gunfire echoed through the night, as yellow and white flashes brought color to the formerly monochromatic atmosphere around you. Ciel dove out of sight behind the frame of a building, derelict and crumbling down, finding refuge in its decrepitude. Sebastian moved to protect him, leaving you behind for a moment before returning to pull you down beside him and his master. You covered your head in fear, secretly thanking God that this butler was so skilled, that he saved you.

You felt the weight of snow cover you and the warmth of the arms encasing you slowly became less and less apparent. You began to search for them, for Ciel and Sebastian in the ashy show which had been the barrier between you and the gunmen but it was no use. He was gone. Ciel was gone, and so was Sebastian.

You were alone- truly, utterly alone, and you had nowhere to go, no one to ask for help.

You were completely lost, and you finally dropped to your knees, put your head in your cold, shaking hands, and cried.