supernatural one-shots [requests closed] UNDER EDITING

sam winchester || what he wanted

|| not edited

"No, Sam. You can't do this to her."

You freeze in place. Dean's voice, sounding from Sam's room, sounds solemn. And the only "her" they could be talking about... is you. You press an ear to the door, hoping to make out a few words.

"This doesn't concern you, Dean," Sam retorts in a sharp whisper. "This is between me and (Y/N)."

You hear Dean heave a sigh. "Please don't do this, Sammy. It's the first time in a long time that you've both been happy." A sourness begins to twist through your gut as you realize that whatever Sam's about to do won't be good for you.

"I'm not," replies Sam, and the response makes your heart clench. You and Sam have been together all this time, only for you to find out he wasn't happy with you? "It's painful. I mean, it's almost a physical thing. I can't do this anymore, Dean. I have to end it."

So that's why Sam wanted you to meet him. Why after he invited you, a sympathetic look crossed his face when he looked at you. He was ending it.

The door clicks open and Dean steps out, looking angry. His eyes soften when they settle on you. "You heard that?"

You nod slowly. 

You fight back your surprise when Dean pulls you into a tight hug and presses a kiss to the top of your head. "I love you, and so does he." And he releases you and you stand by Sam's door for a while, listening as Dean's echoing footsteps grow fainter as he disappears further into the bunker.

You know that you won't be able to take those small steps to get to Sam, to get to his announcement, to get to what you're sure will be your undoing.

So you close your eyes and listen to the rustle of your wings, opening your eyes again to see your beloved Sam towering over you. Your emotions take over when you choke out his name.

"Sam."

"(Y/N)," he sighs, his own eyes watering with tears.

"Why?" you ask, shying away from his touch when he reaches for you. "What did I do?"

"You didn't," he insists. "It's nothing within your control, anyway."

"Then what is it?"

Sam's eyes give him away. You can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he attempts to word what he wants to say. Finally, he answers.

"You're too pure."

You blink in surprise. You'd expected many answers, but your purity, your grace, was not one of them. 

"What?"

Sam draws in a shaky breath and in that moment, you know that Dean was telling the truth. Sam doesn't want to do this. He loves you.

"I'm corrupt. I've done so many things- catastrophic things, unforgivable things. Hell, there's demon blood running through my veins as we speak. And I've always known, I think, deep down, that I am not right. I am not clean. I am corrupt. And you-" His voice fails him. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying in vain to wipe away the tears. This time, he doesn't need to reach for you. You nuzzle your way into his arms and relish the moment of holding him. And you know that this will be the last time.

After a few moments, Sam continues. "You, (Y/N), are... perfect." You open your mouth to protest, but Sam doesn't give you the opportunity to interrupt. "You're an actual angel. You're full of grace, and purity, and just.. goodness, and the stark contrast of us... the fact that you are so good and I am so monstrous, is painful for me. I feel like I'm going to ruin you. And you... you're practically taunting me with what I could have been, had I had a choice."

You nod. You understand. It's your job to understand. So you stand on tiptoe and press your lips to his one last time. And you leave him with a sweet, lasting, hauntingly beautiful kiss that he will never be able to forget.

"I love you, Sam Winchester," you whisper, for the last time. "Don't you ever forget that."

And you hear him sob and you hear the flapping of your wings and in the blink of an eye, you leave him, arms empty, eyes full of tears, wondering why the hell he let you go.

Because that's what he wanted.

I have a Dean book out now! It's called Hurricane and it takes place in NOLA (bc why not?) I'm very excited about it (bc Halsey, Dean, SPN, why wouldn't I?) and I'd love it if y'all would check it out :)