Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 11

It was two weeks before he received his official orders, and it was somewhat of a blow when he did. Not only did it make the whole surreal situation more of a reality, but his orders said he was due to leave in three days. When he told me I fell onto the sofa in our living room feeling completely deflated. I couldn't move, I felt as if all of my strength left my body. It was so soon.

Charles knelt in front of me, "How you feeling bookworm?"

"That's so soon." I whispered.

"I know. We knew it was coming though."

"I thought we would have a little more time."

He smiled sadly "Not in war, my love. If there is anything that I have learned in this war is that time is irrelevant. Everything we plan can change, the only thing we can do is take each day one at a time and not in strides. We still have three days, if we include today, lets make the best of it. What do you say, doll face?"

I smiled and nodded my assent, tears blurring my vision. He wiped them away from my face tenderly and kissed me on the forehead. "There now, no more tears, bookworm. If we are going to make these the best three days, we can't have any tears, can we?" I shook my head in agreement unable to speak. I swung my arms around his neck and held him with as much strength as I had.

He said nothing else, but held me just as hard as I held him. When he finally pulled away something had changed in the look in his eyes. They were deep, unfathomable, and full of longing. Then he kissed me. There was something in it that not only felt like longing, but it was almost akin to a goodbye kiss. I kissed him back for all it was worth, and there we were kissing and loving each other with reckless abandon.

**********

We laid in bed finding comfort in each other's arms. Neither of us said anything nor did we make any attempt to move, afraid that our small piece of paradise would shatter. I relished in the feel of Charles finger tips slowly moving up and down my arm in a soft caress. The act was so sweet and relaxing that I began to feel a little drowsy and my eye lids started to close. He kissed my naked shoulder and went up to my neck. He quickly tightened his hold on me gathering me in as close as he could then relaxed. He began to whisper something that my mind didn't register at first and had to make an effort to understand.

"You look so peaceful when you're asleep and between you and me I think it's when you look the most beautiful." He paused and I made sure to stay still, afraid if I did, I would stop his confession. A confession he obviously didn't want to share while I was awake. "While I was over there trying to find a way to any kind of base, or even when I was fighting, I dreamt of the day that I could hold you like this. You have no idea how much just the thought of you kept me lucid. When I prayed you quickly became all that I prayed about. I probably annoyed God by the amount of times I talked about you. You were our only conversation.

He sighed. "I told you before that I wasn't apostate, but there were definitely times when I almost did renounce my faith. I tell you there is nothing like war that will test your faith in God. Every time I thought it was gone, I would remember anything and everything really. Sometimes it was things we heard in school, or sabbath school. There was one time that I swear I heard Miss. Holland talking to us, or more like at us, about the trials of Jobe and how he was favored by God. Yet, He allowed the devil to come in and give Jobe some of the harshest tests that any other man had gone through. Then I thought that if Jobe could have everything taken away from him and yet still keep his faith then I could too. No matter the horrors of war I had to keep in my beliefs, and believe me that there are some pretty gruesome things in war. Things that can keep a man insane for the rest of his life. You were always there too. I remembered our conversations that we had about God. You always did put me back in my place when I needed it." He stopped again only to kiss me lightly on the side of my head. "You don't know it, but right now you are giving me a memory I will happily die with." And with that I felt fresh tears sting my eyes.