Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 15

I went back, but they turned me away. I would be lying if I said I fought to see him. In fact, I was a little bit of relieved. I didn't know if I could handle looking into his eyes and seeing no sign of recognition again. This wasn't like any heartache I was used to. In fact, a heartache is what happens when a you and a boyfriend break up. This was more like the core of my very self was cracking. I lost him, my husband, my other half, or so it seemed.

The next week passed by long and laboriously. It seemed as if our shifts were getting longer and our hours for sleep were getting smaller. It didn't help that we heard planes over head and we always had to wonder if we were going to need to spend the night in our foxholes. More and more men were being brought in, so many that I had to wonder if there were any men out there left at all. In the precious few hours we were allowed to sleep my one track mind would always turn back to Charles. Sometimes I honestly disliked that my mind didn't just leave something alone.

I always dreamed of him. Sometimes I would dream of memories of us during the first year we were married and living in our little house in L.A. Other times I dreamed of when we were younger, but no matter what I dreamed they always ended in him looking down at me with no recognition. I started staying up at night afraid to close my eyes for fear that I would see that look. So with lack of sleep and an already rigorous schedule, not to mention a little depression, the days stretched and lagged.

"Helen, do you think you can run over and grab me a cornetto? I have to finish this letter to Joe." Judy was huddled in the corner of her bunk surrounded by many crumpled up papers. She was so nervous about writing him a letter. It had already been two weeks since he had written her and she finally got the nerve enough to write back. It really was cute, I had never seen her so nervous.

I made a small chuckle. "Yeah no problem. Do you want me to wait for you to finish the letter?"

"No, it's alright. You can go."

"Alright, I'll see you at the mess hall then for lunch."

I briefly caught her pulling out her lipstick. I was itching to go out anyway. I put on my beige uniform and headed out to meet the group that was leaving. I needed to keep moving, something inside kept nagging at me to go and try to see him again and I was sorely tempted to do so. If I didn't have anything to do soon, I was going to go to the villa and make my second attempt to see him.

The narrow streets of Rome were already buzzing with traffic making little room to wiggle through. I briefly wondered what the streets would have been like in the renaissance or even during the the Pax Romana era. Of course, during the glory days of Rome I would have been imprisoned and sent to the colosseum to be fed to the lions for being a christian. That wasn't exactly a beautiful thought. The renaissance would still be interesting though.

It was so hot outside. My skin already began to perspire when I walked out the door. It was going to be a hot, sweaty day and I was already regretting the heavy uniform we were required to wear. I was praising that I decided to wear my beige summer uniform instead of the off duty dark navy blue one I usually sported out of the hospital.

"It's a bit hot isn't it?"

I froze startled by the noise and the fact that I had already untucked the beige blouse from the khaki skirt and was flapping it in order to get some air circulation. So I shyly, and reluctantly turned around half undone. "Yes, it is."

Charles smiled, "You look a little disheveled Miss. Was it due to the weather or did you just have a bit of a tussle with one of the many soldiers here?" We stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. What was I supposed to say to that comment? "That was a bad joke, forget that. I seem to be beating my gums because I'm nervous. Do I do that a lot?"