Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 14

Finally, the day came when I was able to be off duty. I was so excited I could barely contain it. I told Judy that I was going out and that I most likely wouldn't be back for some time. She knew, bless her, she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and told me to say hi to Charles for her. Happily, I wound my way through the city of Rome following the direction that Milena told me to follow. Benedict accompanied me on my way there and was going to stop by a few places while I went in to see Charles.

I was met at the door by a shy maid who understood no english whatsoever. Finally, I had it with trying to communicate so I said in most of the Italian I knew, "dov'è signora Casali?" she opened the door and led me through the villa. The floor was marble and the walls were a light creamy peach color. There were flowers everywhere, which made for a pleasant aroma throughout the large house. Paintings hung along the walls, both landscape and portraits, along with pictures of people I'm sure were family members. Statues were placed every here and there and above hung a few chandeliers. The moldings on the ceiling had carvings of ornate swirls and cherubs. It was everything you would expect when picturing an Italian villa.

The maid led me to a large empty room where she motioned for me to sit and muttered "aspetta perfavore" before she hurriedly sauntered out of the room. I walked around and looked at all the paintings and pictures. I noticed there was only one with candles lit around it on a small table. I walked over to it and noticed it was of a young man in uniform. He had the pouty lips of an Italian, big dark eyes and curly hair. Moments later Signora Casali walked in with a smile on her face. She opened her arms for an embrace and kissed me on both cheeks. I was still unaccustomed to the friendly european welcome that I most likely looked a little awkward.

"Bongiorno Signora Helen, Come stai?"

"Um, bene, grazie."

"That is my grandson, Alessandro, he insisted on joining the army. God knows I tried to keep him with me, but he wouldn't hear it. His mother and father died when he was just a little boy. My husband and I raised him."

"Is your husband here."

"No, sadly he joined God two years past. He had a weak heart. That was around the same time Alessandro signed up."

"Is your grandson still alive?"

"Oh yes, as far as I know." She looked at me then switched to Italian "Parlare Italiano?"

"No, well, molto piccolo signora."

"Va bene, I'll keep speaking in english. We are just waiting for the doctor, colonel Jack Thompson, then you may go and see your husband."

"The doctor?"

"Yes, there is nothing to fret. Your husband is well and healthy, although still recovering. He had some bad wounds." A man in uniform came through the door. Signora Casali looked up and smiled "Ah—there you are Signore Thompson."

"Yes, my apologies signora I was discussing a patient with a nurse."

"This is Signora Helen Wyndham the woman I told you about."

"Oh, yes, a pleasure to meet you. Please, sit down."

"We wanted to warn you before you see your husband Mrs. Wyndham."

"Warn me, about about what? I thought—"

"Your husband is fine. He isn't critical, but what I'm about to tell you is delicate and a matter of great importance before you see him. Your husband suffered major wounds, he had a broken arm two broken ribs and a bad blow to the head. He was unconscious for three days and when he woke up— I'm afraid there is no easy way to tell you this, but when he woke up he had no recollection of who he was. Other than his name, which was on his dog tag, he knows nothing. We've been trying to trigger it by asking him questions, but I'm afraid nothing has come. Don't be too dismayed Mrs. Wyndham perhaps he just needs familiar surroundings. Perhaps you can be that trigger."

I swallowed hard, "may I see him now?"

"Yes, we will be happy to show you the way." Signora Casali stood and gestured for me to get up and follow her.

They led me outside to an open yard, he was the first person I saw. He stood walking along the gardens. I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I held him as hard as my arms were able to, but I could feel him stiffen under my embrace as he awkwardly patted me on the back. Then, I felt his arms gently but firmly grab my shoulders and push me slightly away. "Sorry miss, you are a lovely woman, but I am afraid I must ask you to release me."

"You don't know me?"

"I'm afraid not m'am, Should I?"

"Are you sure, think about it."

"I'm positive m'am I have not met you before. Are you sure I'm who you thought I was?"

I took a step back shocked. His eyes were warm and entreating, but I didn't see any of the recognition that I was hoping for. He simply looked at me blankly. "I—I—I'm sorry. I was—I am— Excuse me, I have to go."

I ran out of the room and into the hallway as quickly as I could. I followed the path that Signora Casali and the doctor had led me through. When I accidentally ran into the signora I wasn't sure what to do or say. She smiled happily at me her short dark Italian features softened. "Did you see him?"

"Yes, I did signora."

"Po 'di fortuna? Any luck?"

"I—um, I—excuse me." I brushed past her and didn't stop running until the large Italian villa was far behind me. When I got back to the field hospital I quickly went into my tent so no one could see me.

I sat on my cot and let my resolve crumble. He didn't remember me. My whole body was shaking. I tried to calm myself and make my breathing return to normal, but I was having some trouble. Somehow this was worse than losing him in death. When I thought he was dead, at least I knew he still loved me and he was mine. Now, he was alive and in this world but he didn't even remember me, much less love me. The possibility of him finding someone else, being happy, and making a family with them were all too possible. I faintly heard someone come in shortly after me.

"Helen?" Judy came and sat on the cot next to me, "What happened?"

"He's gone, completely gone. He didn't remember me. I thought if he just saw me, or something. . . Then again, what could I expect? I knew he wouldn't remember me, they told me he wouldn't. Still, I couldn't help myself. I had to see him. I had to hope, like a fool, that he would remember." I gave a humorless laugh. "Hope, what a blessing and a curse. Sometimes you can hope for something and it happens. Others you can hope and the outcome doesn't go in your favor, and when it doesn't it's that hope that crushes you."

"He has amnesia? Never mind, Helen, aren't you the one who always tell me that everything happens for a reason? Well, maybe this is God's way of telling you something."

"Like what?" I turned on her angrily, "What can he possibly be telling me? Don't hope so much? I thought we were supposed to hope and trust in Him unconditionally."

"Maybe it's for you to keep hoping. That is your greatest weapon against the devil, isn't it? Your unfailing hope that God will eventually turn everything around for the better. Well, use it. Remember that God can do anything, just have faith in him that everything he does is for the better. Hold on doll face, don't give up just yet. I know it sucks, and I know it hurts, but keep hoping just like you always do. This is only a setback, fight to climb back up."

"Fine, maybe you're right." I sighed.

"I know I am."

"I guess I should go back on Friday."

She took my hands firmly "As soon as you can."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but get back on that horse as fast as you can. I'm sure first lieutenant Fisher wouldn't mind giving you leave."

"Judy, how in the world are you so aggravatingly being so level headed right now? That is usually my role."

She shrugged, "Maybe its all the good people I live around." She winked "Some of your level headedness must have rubbed off on me."