Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 25

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." For some reason when I was younger I always thought of God's love when I read this Shakespearean quote. His never ending and fathomless adoration for us will never cease, it is infinite. After I was married I understood the quote a different way. Shakespeare was saying that his love only grew deeper as his understanding of his love increased. The more he knew her, and the more of himself he gave the more he loved.

Perhaps part of Charles was gone, and perhaps I didn't know much of who he was now, but it felt right to be with him. I opened my eyes thinking I would see Charles there with his arm draped over me, but no such luck. I turned over to make sure that I was wrong, but Charles wasn't there. I sat up quickly and looked around the room only to find it empty. I ran down the stairs hoping to see him there, but again was disappointed. Frantically I ran back up to my room to check if he had left a note on the nightstand. After I saw that it was empty I ran to Judy's room.
 "Judy, Judy!" She groggily sat up from her bed. "Judy, have you seen Charles?"

"No, why would I have seen Charles?"

"He's gone, I can't find him and I have no idea where the heck he is. He didn't leave a note, nothing."

"Calm down, he's a big boy and can take care of himself. I'm sure he hasn't gone far the wedding starts soon."

Milena's wedding was in full swing all the preparations were made, and the venue booked. With the arrival of Benedict and his parents everything was set. It was so beautiful when Milena saw him, I had never seen her so happy. Without the watch of any other prying eyes I saw him rub the little swell of her belly proudly then kiss her on her forehead. I knew he would be happy about the news and I think his unabashed acceptance of the babe eased some of Milena's worry.

Benedict really was a catch. If Charles wasn't in the picture I'm sure that I would have had a small torch for Benedict. He looked like an actor I saw during my time in London, Stewart Granger, that man was going to go places. Benedict was handsome, debonair, and an all around gentleman. I did find myself wishing Charles' character was a little more like Benedict's. Then I always reminded myself that Benedict cared for appearances and always held himself in a haughty kind of way. But once you knew him and knew his kindhearted nature it was easy to get comfortable with him.

Charles wasn't like that much he was genteel and charming, but I was always at ease and wholly myself with him, which often times could be childish. One asset I loved about Charles was his capacity to be silly with me. Yes, he was a stick in the mud at times, but there were others where he would be silly with me and not care who was watching. Benedict and Charles got on well enough, but it wasn't quite like the easy friendship he had with Joe. Perhaps it was the cultural differences. Joe, of course, was the glue that made the three mesh well together. All three were charismatic, but Joe's personality was more smooth and sexy whereas Benedict's was classic and respectful. My husband's affable charms were somewhere in between the two. Benedict and Joe always knew the right things to say in the moment whereas Charles said what was on his mind. I never had to guess what his thoughts were.

"Jude, you know its weird that he didn't leave a note."

"Yeah I know, I still think you're worrying over nothing though, just relax." She looked at her alarm clock and complained "There's still half an hour left. I'm going back to sleep." She rolled over and pulled her blankets over her head. I walked back to my room not feeling any better about my husband's sudden absence. I sat on the bed and felt too jittery to go back to sleep so I went downstairs to the kitchen to hopefully help Adele and get my mind off things. Cooking always made me feel better, mainly because it kept me busy and I enjoyed it.