Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have (Chapter 12)

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"I call this meeting to the table because I have very exciting news." We all look up at Spencer, me shoving pizza in my face and almost choking on crust. 

"There is a beach party later on this week and I think we all should go." We all stop dead in our tracks. A beach party? I have no idea what Spencer is even thinking, there is no way any of us really even want to go.

"A beach party? Nope no no way. That involves swimsuits and a swimsuit is a no. I mean just think about all the girls who are going to be all confident and stuff. And the people who think its okay to just come in the bare minimum are just ugh." I stare Spencer in the eyes and make sure my message is clear.

"Oh come on Alex! Just think of all the fun it would be! Cool weather, cool people, and cool water. The sunset and all the cool seashells you'll find." I just think about all the things that could go wrong. I mean you could have someone drown, or someone drink too much and falls all over everyone and ruins the night. I also think about the last time I saw Brendon without a shirt. It was exactly what I was afraid of and I hoped to never be in that situation again. 

"I mean you don't even have to wear a two piece you can be old fashioned and wear a one piece. I mean you are a great looking girl and all but if you want to cover up then that's fine." I look up but that still didn't help my cause. I don't like showing skin, beside my arms I'm not really comfortable showing much else. It all goes back to a lot of stuff pre divorce and I don't want to dig it all back up. 

"Look Spence if she doesn't want to go then I don't think we should force her." Brendon pulls me close and kisses my forehead. I just smile a smile.

"I think she should go. She hardly comes out of her house now." It had been a few months since my last party and I really didn't leave expect to go to school and stuff. They always hung out at my house; I don't really have a desire to leave like that anymore anyway. 

"Sure I'll stop being a hermit crab and go to your stupid party. But I'm not going to be in a bathing suit." Brendon smiles, he's still holding me. I'm so serious like he won't let go. It's almost like a hold of possession, but I'm not his, I'm mine. What is up with Brendon?

"Brendon can you please let me go. You're holding a little too tight." I see him mouth oh and lets me go. Man what is up with him? I don't understand what is going on with everyone? He still manages to grab my hand, I guess that's okay. But I still don't feel 100% about everything, something isn't right.

"You're being impractical Alex. I mean who doesn't wear a bathing suit to the beach?" Spencer really wants to pick this fight doesn't he? I really don't want to do this, but he's pissing me off.

"Excuse me for being a descent person and now showing all that skin. I happen to like people not knowing what I look like under my clothes." I smug and squeeze Brendon's hand. My anxiety is flaring up again. I try push down the memories that keep coming up. 

"Descent? That's hardly descent, it's disrespectful. “I almost get up out if my seat to smack the shit out of him. I feel Brendon pull me down. Does he want Spencer to do this? Does he want me to toughen up?

"Don't. I know your upset but this is no reason to get mad. He's just messing with you, it's no big deal." I turn to Brendon, I'm pissed.

"Oh so now you're on his side? You already know about how I feel. You know Brendon! Are you really okay with this?" I quietly whisper to him, I guess I'm just being paranoid. I take a breath and look at the rest of the guys.

"I'll get us some lemonade, okay? I'm sure you're all thirsty." I get up and walk into the kitchen, I let go of all I'm holding in. All the years of torment and verbal abuse from my mom, old friends, and my family. I expect to scream or something but I only cry. It was a quiet cry, but it was a cry of a tortured soul. I guess bringing that up dug up unpleasant memories of when my mom called me fat and whatever. I just lightly wipe my eyes and open the fridge. I need to be strong for Brendon, he needs me right now. I can't go off the rails again, or ever. It was actually scary for me too. Before I can grab the lemonade I feel two arms wrap around me. I know it's probably what I need, but I don't care, I don't want this right now.

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