The Right Way to Write a Book

Content

I'm content.

You need to realize
That all the actions
And all the words
That you have told me
And all the sly remarks
Have taken a toll on me.

I remember everything you once said,
All the compliments,
All the uncomfortable,
In-the-moment words
To make me stop,
Everything.

I have remembered your actions,
All the shivering,
Carefully watching my own shaking,
Questioning me.
All the looks of desperation,
For her,
For me,
For her love,
For my lips,
For our acceptance.

All the kisses,
That time in the car,
With these careful questions,
The careful, puppy-dog eyes,
Holding my hand when playfully saying I'm just cold,
Tightening your grip when I start to move to leave,
Pulling me into a hug,
Slowly pulling away,
Heads soon carefully touching,
Your hand tracing my lips,
Fluttering eyes,
Opening and looking at my lips,
To my eyes,
Closed again.
Your hand slowly moving behind my ear,
Pulling my lips towards you,
The kiss.

It was repeated multiple times.
You looked sad,
Upset with the fact
That you just did that.
I was content.
I was okay with it.
What I forgot was that you still love
Her.
I believed it was me that made you this upset;
I'm not a good kisser,
My arm was stuck,
I couldn't move to be in the moment.
It seemed to be my fault.
So later I initiated it.
Bad call.

After the third kiss,
The last kiss,
You looked happy,
With your cute smile,
Those eyes looked content.
It seemed you were okay
In the moment.

When I finally decided to leave,
You looked sad.
But it grew awkward,
Those sad songs
That showed how upset you really were
That showed you were still in love.
I was out of my place.
I shouldn't have been there.

I confused you.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
I should've stopped.
I didn't want to.
And now I hurt myself.

You're not confused anymore,
You've decided.
You do still love her.
You do.
You don't want anything to do with me anymore.
You said so yourself.
You don't want to stop talking to me,
But you don't want to see me anymore.
I take that both as kissing as well as hanging out.
You cleared that up as well.
Thanks.
It was a wild ride.
I don't regret it.

Two days after,
You got back together with her.
You must really needed this rebound.
You didn't last a week.
You proved both her and your mother
Right.

I'm just sad.
I want to hang out with you.
No,
I don't love you,
I don't have feelings for you,
But I still love being around you,
Talking to you.

I'm content.
You'll know soon.
I have that letter.
Probably a bad idea.
It's fine.
You don't want to talk to me anyways
So I won't know your response
Although I'll want to.

I'm content.
I knew this was going to happen.
I knew something was going on
And I never make things better.
I'm content.

You ignored me for weeks at a time --
I deserved it.
But soon,
You accepted what I tried to say,
What I tried to get you to understand:
That I'm content.
You do your own thing,
I'll do mine.
And we'll live in silent coexistence.
And that's fine.
I'm content.

But,
You started first,
You came to me,
To rant,
To cry,
And soon I did the same.
And although I didn't mean it at first,
I truly
Am
Content.