In Between Myself And Lost

1~ ♥Dear Acknowledgment♥

  We were happy once. Life was bliss, we smiled often and laughed even more. Together we were one, perfect... United. At least it seemed that way. Then one day it vanished.. The love was gone and nothing but hate filled the air. We couldn't stand to be around one another anymore, it was unbearable to even be stuck in the same room. 

     One day it seemed as though we woke up and the love was sucked from our hearts. I knew it, and I knew he did too. But for an unknown reason neither of us spoke of it aloud. Like we were too afraid to admit it, our hearts not strong enough to bare it, the courage gone, or maybe neither of us had the balls. Or maybe, just maybe if we never spoke it out loud we could fix it. So instead of acknowledging it we pushed it deep down, ignored it, played pretend that the spark we once had was still very much alive. A lie, but we lived it perfectly..

     Before I acted as if I hadn't a clue about what happened, how it happened. But looking back now I could admit to seeing the changes. They were little, barely noticeable, but they were there. I had seen the texts, facebook messages, even emails. Instead of addressing it I blew it off. I thought to myself, 'No not Avery. He loves me.' I convinced myself I was delusional, deep down I knew I wasn't.. 

   I could almost pinpoint the very turning point of our relationship. It was our ending, I seen it. For I looked into these crystal blue eyes for five and a half years, but on this day they had changed. They were hiding a heartbreaking secret. One my heart could no longer choose to ignore. Setting my glass down, I cleared my throat and spoke.

"Avery, we need to talk." Silence filled the air, he hadn't even bothered to look at me. My head hung low, I knew he heard me. But as always he ignored me. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes any moment.. No! I refuse to cry anymore, he will no longer silence me, no longer ignore me. My blood started to boil at this point. "Avery," I shouted. "I Said we need to talk, you know converse. It's something that consist of two adults. Can you handle that?" My eyes narrowed in frustration as I started bitterly at him. He lifted his gaze to meet mine, then he did something I didn't expect. He laughed, laughed right in my face. "Asrael you do understand conversing and arguing are two different things. I will no longer entertain your craziness." My mouth hung in surprise. 

     I've had quite enough of his excuses on not communicating, I rose from my seat, bring myself to stand before him. He eyed me up and down, before looking into my eyes. He spoke so softly I almost missed it. "Rael, enough of this... I'm exhausted of it. I know, okay! I know.." His eyes looked pained but I knew it was fake. The tension in the air was suffocating, choking me every time I inhaled. "If you're exhausted, explain, talk! You know nothing Avery, you pretend to but you're just as clueless as me." Calmness left my body a long time ago, now I was furious, more hurt, but no less pissed. "The text, the emails, messages, secret calls.. The business trips. Please explain it, because I'm lost...." My voice broke as tears began to stain my cheeks. "Why, that's all I want to know Avery.. Why was I no longer good enough, why wasn't I enough?" My voice was now low, you can hear the pain, it sliced through the air. "Enough Asrael, alright! I am so tired of this, your hallucinations, your insecurities. I made one mistake two years ago! When will you let it go, let us love again? Or is that sick, twisted mind of yours incapable of loving or being loved ever again!?" He hollered, anger evident on his tongue. This time I refused to back down, cower and apologize, NO, he was going to listen!

     I had waited a moment, for him it must've seemed like torture. When I had finally calmed down enough to speak, I inhaled deeply and let him have it. "I won't let you live it down that easy, your one mistake ruined me. Can't you see that or are you blind? Your one mistake was enough to make me hate you for a lifetime, but I didn't. Why? Because I loved you, and what do I get in return? I get neglected. I get left," Tears poured down with every word I spoke, he tried to comfort me by grabbing my hand but I yanked it from his grasp, and spoke the venomous words on my mind. "Left in a hospital, alone. While I laid there miscarrying our child, crying for you. Begging you would come back and be with me. Cry with me, hold me. But instead of staying by my side and comforting me, you chose to leave me and comfort her.. To be inside her while our child's life was being lost. And still I forgave you Avery, in return you still chose her. It's always Pariss, you don't even care that I know, you don't care if I hurt.... You fell out of love with me the moment she entered your life... You don't love me Avery." With the last word I sobbed, I cried my heart out. I tried so hard to ignore the past that pained me, but it was high time I acknowledged our truth.

    His eyes showed the rage building up inside him, if this were a cartoon, smoke would be puffing from his ears by now. He stood abruptly and grabbed both my arms, shaking me as he yelled. "I lost something to that night, someone, my seed! And it hurt me just as much as it did you, if not worst! You don't think I know your pain? You don't think I remember that night? Because I do, it breaks me every time I think about that night and the unforgivable mistake I made. But I hadn't known the severity of you being there. I hadn't known my child was leaving this world before he/she even entered it." He let go of my arms and turned his back to me. "Just leave me be Rael, I'm tired. End of conversation." With that he walked away leaving me standing there.

     We no longer spoke that night... Instead I replayed the entire scene in my head over and over. He hadn't even apologized, didn't even bother to say I was wrong, that he truly did love me.. That's when I knew, he had stopped loving me....

Signed,

The BrokenHearted Girl

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Pronunciation Of Asrael~  { Az·Re·Ell }

Pronunciation Of Rael~ { Re·Ell }

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Hello beautiful people. I hope you've enjoyed reading this chapter. If i could ask a small favor of everyone who has viewed it please leave feedback. Negative or Positive. I would truly appreciate it. I plan on updating this story very frequently so I would love to know what everyone thinks or any changes I should make before I get too far into the story. Thank you again.

♥ ;*

*1,237 word count*