Wings

Facing Fear

Hello and happy New Year!

I apologize for the long wait but I did not have internet access while over break and could not update. Luckily, I am back at school and am prepared to hopefully wrap up this story in the next six chapters. I have another chapter for you guys after this one that will be hopefully be uploaded tonight so look out.

As always I am so grateful for your comments and love towards the story and am excited for you all to read this new chapter.

Enjoy!

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She should've said something. Leigh Annne was sitting right in front of her and she should've said something because she had a right to know. She had a right to know that her girlfriend had her mind trained on other things, on another girl. Leigh Anne would've understood of course, Normani believed that but she just couldn't.

She watched as Leigh Anne read over math equations in her head off of the piece of paper in front of her, she chewed on the end of her pencil as she did so. Normani smiled sadly as she gazed. Things had been so much simpler before Ally had told her about Lauren. When she'd been able to convince herself that she'd moved on because she was ready to and not because she had no other choice. Before then things had finally begun to feel like the new normal and the past was starting to be just that.

Still, her memories returned to her in whispers and flashes. She did not want to accept the fact that what they made her realize was if she could've had a say in the turn of events her life had taken that she would've never chosen this. She would've wanted Lauren no matter the scenario, time, place, or predicament. Plain and simple. But, sadly, she'd fallen for someone that was not strong enough to see their love through to the end. And what was even worse, what made Normani angry and resentful towards Lauren and her rash, selfish decisions was that she now had to deal with the fact that yet again her storm wasn't anywhere near over. She had to come to terms with the fact that she was still in love with Lauren, that just the thought of Lauren being somewhere in the city she'd finally began calling her home threatening to break her once again had her mind preoccupied.

It wasn't fair to anybody involved but it especially wasn't fair to Leigh Anne who had no idea that a plane from Miami carrying one girl had landed in New York and set the world on fire. She deserved Normani's full attention, her body, her mind, and her heart and sure Normani had struggled with giving that all away to her before but at least she'd tried. Now she was just unwilling altogether, like the part of herself that could not seem to let Lauren go no matter what she tried was holding close to herself until she showed up at her door. If that ever happened.

"Mani," Leigh Anne's voice was faint and it hadn't caught her attention until she felt her hand on her shoulder "Babe?" she tried again and this time Normani snapped out of the trance she'd been in, shaking her head and raising her eyebrows as she turned her attention to Leigh Anne.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?" Leigh Anne asked as she tried to search Normani's face for the answer to her question knowing she'd have better luck there anyways.

Normani nodded and looked down "Uh, I'm fine. Good. I'm good."

Not content with her attempt at trying to brush her off and knowing better, Leigh Anne found Normani's chin and grabbed onto it, pulling her head up gently so that she had no choice but to look her in the eyes. Normani fought desperately to hide what she was feeling "Where are you?" Leigh Anne asked as she searched.

Normani stared back at her "I'm..." she could not tell her no matter how much she wanted to get it off of her chest and no matter how much she deserved to know. Normani could not tell the person who had saved her that the person who had left her to drown in the first place was there with them. She couldn't admit that she'd probably let her do it all over again just for the opportunity to feel for just a second the things she had been deprived of the day Lauren had told her that their love was not enough. She couldn't be the person to hurt someone the way she'd been hurt and she wasn't ready to choose. She truly believed that Leigh Anne would've understood but that she also would've wanted Normani to make a decision, to move forward, and she was not in the position to do that yet. Not when she was enjoying Leigh Anne so much and Lauren, despite being in the same place at the same time for almost a day and a half at that point, still had not come for her. There were maybe's and possibilities flying all around the room and only Normani could see them. Only Normani could see the hope that she did not want to accept, the hope that she'd show for her. Only Normani could feel her heart swelling for her but anyone with eyes and a conscience could see the truth. The truth that regardless what she was feeling and how close Lauren was to her, she was not there. She wasn't there physically or mentally or emotionally but just like when she'd left the first time, Leigh Anne was. Normani had to try for her because she was there and that meant everything. Maybe she hadn't realized it before that moment but it was the thing that was holding her together. It was the reason that she'd been okay before with just letting Lauren go from her naturally, because she knew that Leigh Anne was going to be there for her through it all. Lauren had given her an epic, indescribable love but she had failed to do the one simple thing that had ruined them. She had failed to be there.