Months go by fast when the love of your life isn't with you.
It was about the second week after new years that Ryan stopped taking his pills.
There was no point to him. So what if he was crazy? So what if he killed himself? He wouldn't be leaving anything behind. Brendon was just the remainder of a lover.
I mean, in the past two months. He'd only had three fits, only one at work thankfully.
Josh was being really easy on him too.
Ryan was glad. Right now, he needed easy.
"Ryan? Hey, moon eyes. Aha. It's, me, Brendon. I want to talk. I miss you so so much. I love you too. I always did. I'm gonna go now, baby boy. Call me, please."
That was just one of the tens of messages Brendon left. They stopped coming after six weeks however.
It was March 2nd, 2017 when Ryan went entirely bonkers. It happened like this,
Ryan climbed out on the fire escape without a goodbye to either of his roommates and started his walk to work.
No Halsey's. He hadn't eaten a solid meal in a month.
He made it to Dun's Drums, where Josh was still unpacking boxes (really though, they don't get many shipments what was he unpacking?) and Tyler was strumming a little ukulele.
"Hey, son."
Josh smiled and handed Ryan his name tag.
"Hi, Josh. Hi, Tyler."
Ryan sat behind the counter and leaned his head into his hand. No one came in and his anxiety ticked like a clock.
Finally, an attractive young woman with purple hair and glittery eye shadow arrived. When she got closer, Ryan noticed the pink freckles on her face.
"Hey, i'm picking up a shipment. A yellow ukulele?"
Her voice was soft. Like someone Ryan didn't want to remember.
"Name please?"
"Billie. Uh- Dawn Ingle."
Ryan scanned the shelves but found no 'Dawn' nor an 'Ingle'
"Not here, Billie. I'd check Way's Records. They're just across the block."
"This is Dun's Drum's, correct?"
Billie looked impatient, as she played with a curly strand of lilac hair.
Ryan twitched, and tried to muffle the anger that came on so suddenly.
"I'm sorry, Billie, your yellow ukulele isn't here. Please, take my advice and go to Way's Records. I can give you a map. Bye, bye."
He snarled and rolled his eyes at her. Billie seemed highly offended as she scoffed in the back of her throat.
"Can I speak to Josh please?"
She asked, narrowing her soft eyes at Ryan. He knew those eyes. He knew pretty brown eyes like those.
Suddenly, everything came out at once,
"Fuck off! I'm sorry you're an illiterate piece of shit who doesn't know where she ordered her fucking dumbass ukulele! Don't come back here, you washed up emo piece of shit."
"RYAN!"
Tyler dropped his ukulele and rushed to Billie's side.
She seemed frightened.
"Josh, baby!"
Tyler held Billies arm and brought her over to the lounge area, assuring her that Josh would find the ukulele.
"Ryan! What's wrong with you?"
"Everything! I'm gonna miss him forever I know it."
Ryan slammed his first against the counter and it cracked under him. The splintering glass cut into his hand and he pulled it away with a hiss.
"Go home, Ryan. I'll call Patrick and tell him you're on your way."
Ryan, steaming with anger, nodded and sped out of the shop.
Air was like a bitter slap to the face, calming him almost instantly. Little adrenaline coursed through him as Ryan walked back to his building. He stormed up the fire escape and was about to knock when the window flew open.
Two soft white hands grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him into the apartment.
"Patty."
Ryan started to cry, wrapping his arms around the warm man in front of him. For some reason, Patrick cried too. They held each other, letting the cool air drift into the living room as the sobbed together.
"I miss him so much."
Ryan cried, grabbing fistfuls of Patrick's sweater. Patrick nodded and hugged Ryan together.
"I'm in love with him, Patty. I love him so fucking much- and I-I don't have him. Dallon does... Dallon does."
Ryan stopped crying and slowly pulled away from Patrick's arms, eyes narrowing with rage.
"Ryan?"
Patrick looked up with red puffy eyes and rosy cheeks; he looked quite miserable.
"I've got something to do, Patty."
"Ryan?"
"I love you!"
"Love y-"
Ryan slammed his bedroom door and paced for a few minutes before running straight for his desk drawer.
It was heavier than Ryan expected, and cold to the touch.
It was loaded.
Ryan tucked it in his belt and threw on the navy blue jacket Brendon bought him.
As the sun set, Ryan climbed back through the window and over to Brendon's apartment building where he knew he would be.
No one breaks his heart and gets away with it.
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Guys, i'm shook. literally like 2-4 more chapters!!!
