Red Hair, Black Soul (Red & Black #1)

42 | Mum

All books and movies claim that the only possible lifestyle after a breakup is a constant state of misery and tones and tones of used tissues.

This is not true.

When you part with someone who meant much to you, it's like losing a part of you in the process. After that, everything you do seems... duller than before. The food loses on taste. The sky is bleached. The music doesn't feel right. Basically, everything you do is somehow worse than it used to be.

For example now, when I'm trying to read the book, I don't enjoy it at all. Despite having been written by one of the best female authors in history, Jane Eyre could as well have been created by a four-year-old right now. Constantly, I find myself reading one page over and over because after having read a sentence six times, I still can't catch its meaning. As a result, after about forty minutes of reading, I'm barely two chapters forward. In this tempo, I won't finish the book until my fiftieth birthday, much less for a lesson a week after the New Year.

A lesson when no one's going to poke me in the back with their pen or kick my chair.

A long sigh escapes me just when a knock on the door comes. I utter a flat 'come in' and my Mum's head pokes in.

"The dinner's ready." She says. "I sent you a text but you didn't respond."

I glance at my phone, laying beside me on the bed. I turned it off when the silent mode wasn't enough. The screen kept lighting up with every message, and the stupid green diode in the front kept winking at me sadistically. My Mum follows my gaze and a knowing frown crosses her face.

I sigh again. I have a feeling I'm in for a Mum-daughter talk.

"Are you alright?" Mum asks, stepping into the room fully. I don't like how she closes the door and moves to sit on the edge of my bed. It means she intends on staying for longer.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I place the old receipt serving me as a bookmark in and wave the book in the air, showing Mum the title. "Doing homework."

"They gave you homework even for the Christmas break, huh?" Mum smiles. "Well, it's good to hear that I'm not the only one. I told my students to read the next chapter in their books. I was conscious-bitten up until now."

I don't respond anything to that. Setting the book back on the bed, I scramble to sit up and get down for dinner.

"Mrs. Hall called." Mum says abruptly. I freeze with my legs halfway on the floor. "They sold the house. I'm not going to tutor Jed anymore."

I nod, wondering why she didn't simply stab me in the heart with something sharp. It would be less painful anyway.

"That's great." I say flatly. "The house part. You losing one of your jobs is not great."

"Yes. I liked him." Mum cocks her head to the side, thinking. My back straightens as if somebody had spilled lead down my spine. I don't want to talk about Jed. Not even with my Mum. "He's a smart boy. Your school could use a few more like him."

I crack a half-hearted smile. The fact that my heart is broken doesn't mean I should make everyone's life miserable.

I learned about it the hard way. I won't go back to the old version of myself. Not even now.

I should have known, however, that in spite of what I think, my Mum knows me better than I suspect. She doesn't buy the grimace stretching my lips. Seeing the worry creeping into her gaze, I try for a wider smile, but it's already too late.

"You're not going to ever call him, are you?" She asks, glancing at my phone.

Like I said, she knows me.