He will never love me (Ziall)(BoyxBoy)

(flashback) the first day in the new flat

so a few people have been telling me that this story has been going by quicky so i am going to do a little different everytime you see parenthesis it is what harry is thinking to himself

Harry's P.O.V

four months ago

i had just moved into my flat in boston, it was a quaint little brownstone on 10 west cedar on beacon hill the house was beyond stunning, you walked into an open concept living room and kitchen, it had a seperate sitting room ( which is ironically a room that no one ever sits in.) i mean whats the point of having a room no one sits in. it had a wet bar along the front wall as soon as you walk into the house ( great for parties if i ever had one which i probably wouldn't especially since i left the boys)

its got a seperate dining room with long black mohogany table that is elegantly set for eight, the glasses have a gold leaf rim and the plates are the finest china that the previous homeowners had bought. they must have really loved this place, i wish i could eat a meal at this table with the boys but i can't because now i am all alone. i walk into the kitchen and see beautiful crisp white cabinets decorated in an almost victorian style and they are complemented by shiny brand new stainless steel appliances, and what i love about it the most is that instead of granite counter tops it has the most beautiful wood counter top that matches the floor, i walk out of kitchen and just past that is yet another dining room (like really who needs two dinning rooms) i gasp as i see its more of a relaxed room with a less eleoquently set table( i am going to guess the other one was the Formal Dining room) but anyway its so beautiful and i am only in my 4th room. i walk towards another door and i see a full home theater, there is a 70 inch flat screen and every game system and a full dvd and vcr combo ( yes i do love watching a vcr tape once and i while ) i look at the collection of tapes and dvd i see a few movies that remind me of the boys i pull out grease on vcr, love actually, titanic, all three toy stories. i sigh and i sit down on the movie theater seats and i think about all of them. i remember i still have an entire house to look at still. i walk out of the theater and into another room and i see a bedroom, its a really decent size with a king size bed in it, there is also a 50 inch television mounted on the wall ( its too big for me, a king size bed is to be shared between to people in love) i walk out if the bedroom and into another, its painted pink and its all girly but to be completely honest it complements my feminine side, i forgot to mention that there are fireplaces in like every single room( i mean damn i am going to need to hire a fucking lumberjack to get the wood for all of these room) my sense of humor is absolutely fabulous, louis always laughed at my jokes even if they were not funny i feel the tears welling up in my eyes and i try to hold it in, but i am can not do it, and the tears start flowing down my face. i pick this room as my bedroom and i go to find the bathroom, its is absolutely stunning, there is a full size jacuzzi tub that could fit 6 people, i run the water and i let it get hot. i get undressed and i sit in the scalding hot water and i wince in pain, but the pain feels amazing on my still fresh cuts. i sit in the hot water and i let the burning make my body numb. i look around the bathroom and i see a pack of old fashioned razors and my mind starts racing ( no one will miss you, no one will notice that you are gone, nobody loves you, your a waste of time, fag, ugly,fat, stupid, loser, nobody, cut yourself you fag end it, end it all, no one wants you)

. i pull one out of the package. i place it on my wrist and i slide it across and the crimson red blood drips out into the crisp clear water. i feel myself getting lightheaded and i wrap a towel around my wrist and i stop the bleeding. ( i was so close, so fucking close i could have ended it all but then i thought of louis and i realized that someone would miss me.