⤖ chapter forty-two

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Am I really going to do this?

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Am I really going to do this?

All the edgy nerve jittered in her system as she look up at the huge mansion she grew up in, anxiousness running up in her head whilst contemplating whether she should just turn back or face the people she believed what other people normally called as 'parents'.

She was fuming at them for acting all innocent despite having their child killed in their knowledge. Especially her father.

As she was still in a puzzled state, she chose to face forward and charge inside to finally confront her parents after gaining the courage to. If she doesn't do it now, she knows she will never get the chance next time.

The main door opened upon the maids recognizing the girl who was once a resident of the mansion. They were shocked to see her, gaping as she strode large steps to the stairs upon entering.

"Where are they?" Heejung asked one of the maids lined up watching her from the ground floor, looking up at her to the stairs.

"In the office," replied the head of the maids that Heejung replied with a quick nod, continuing to walk towards the door to her parents' office.

When she reached the door, she stopped on her tracks, inhaling deeply as she calmed every sense of hesitancy and nervousness she had.

She knocked on the wooden door thrice, turning her head to the hallway.

"Didn't I say I'm not to be disturbed?" She heard her father say.

"It's Heejung."

There was a pause before the door was unlocked and creaked open, revealing her father who appeared to be delighted and surprised seeing his daughter finally show up after that fateful evening.

"What are you doing here?" He giddily asked, not able to fight back the smile dancing in his lips.

"I wanted to talk," she replied, eyes directing past her father's figure to see the inside of the office and find her mother but he was alone. "Where's Eomma?"

"She went out with Chohee," replied her father. "But she'll be back anytime soon. You know her." He chuckled, beaming at her that made the insides of Heejung to burn in fury of how he played like an innocent man.

"Do you want to come inside?"

He raised his hand to reach for her but she dodged him and sent him a look before she wordlesly walked inside, leaving her father dumbfounded.

"What did you want to talk about? Is it about your marriage contract with Sehun? I don't see why you're here about that, you seemed to get along—"

"I'm not here for that." She interposed, causing him to momentarily halt as he strode towards his table. Regaining his surprise, he resumed until he reached his chair, feeling his daughter's intimidating eyes boring on him.

He was aware someday, somehow, she would come to them and ask whatever she was going to ask. He already had a feeling about it when Youngshik was sent out.

"How do you feel?"

His brows met in confusion. "How do I feel—I think I've been good."

"Really? You could still sleep peacefully?" She asked, digging holes into his skull that made him shift in his seat, not knowing what words to say.

"I-I do."

"Yeah? Even after your own daughter died, with you knowing exactly the reason why before she did?"

His lips parted. "Heejung-a, please, you don't understand."

"What explanation do you have this time, Appa?" Sensing an overwhelming feeling on her chest and a lump in her throat, Heejung tore her gaze from her father who drew guilt in his eyes, watering as the second passed, and she propped her elbow on the side of her chair and leaned her chin lazily against her right hand.

"You can't say that, that's unfair! I wanted to save her!"

She scoffed. "Unfair? How do you know that?"

"I tried to save her. I drove to where they were, I tracked their location but when I got there, Youngshik..." he stifled a sob, the tears that pooled in his eyes rolled down on his cheek. "He threatened that if I tell anyone, he would throw Heejae off the cliff and they had guns and all that, Heejung. You can't say that, I've done what I could!"

A thud from behind them boomed, causing Heejung and her father to turn to the woman standing by the door, hardly keeping her balance steady.

"What did you say?" Ayeong choked on her tears, pointing at her husband who felt so tight in his position. "You knew all this time?" She shouted, the mixture of disbelief and lament bouncing off the walls.

"Honey, I did what I can do," he cried.

"You are a coward! What did you even do? How could you do this to us? To Heejae?!" She charged towards him, surprising the still stunt Heejung because of her father's confession.

"You're not the only one who lost her!" Shouted Mr. Kim, increasing the tension in the room. "I didn't want to lose you, or anyone else from our family from them. I didn't have a choice."

"By what, Hyunggi?" Ayeong searched through his eyes. "By allowing our daughter to be served as a sacrifice at your cowardliness and stupidity?"

Hyunggi broke their heavy eye contact, shame and regret infiltrating his system as the three stood in silence, pondering over the revelations that have just been laid on the table. 

"I'm sorry for failing you. I'm sorry for failing as a father, not only to Heejae but to Heejung." The lass could not look at him, too puzzled on what to feel. 

"Why didn't you tell me in the first place?" cried Ayeong, her knees wobbling that she almost crashed but Hyunggi caught her before she did. 

"I didn't want you to get involved, or any of you." He exchanged glances with Heejung who bored her flaring eyes on him. 

Overwhelmed, Heejung turned her heel  to walk out, hardly letting everything sink in. She didn't know if she should continue to hate her father or understand that he had his reasons which was still unacceptable in her part. Heejae doesn't deserve any of this, nor do anyone else. 

Even for just a few minutes, she wanted everything to freeze for her to think. 

What am I gonna do, Heejae? 

What am I gonna do, Heejae? 

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