We Can Survive (Carl Grimes Fanfiction)

Chapter 20- Hot Messes

I was laying on my cot, my back facing the door, when it happened. Carl crept in and laid next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist. I knew it was him from the feeling of his body against mine. Too gentle to be Trinity. I wanted so badly to shove him off the bed. To tell him it was too late for that and call him out for being such a horrible boyfriend. Yet at the same time, I wanted to lay there and cry for his loss. The loss that had also been my loss. I also wanted to cry out of hatred for the walkers, because without them my mom would be with me and Carl would be safe and happy with his parents.

But Judith wouldn't be alive. And I wouldn't have met Carl. Was I really selfish enough to think those thoughts?

So I cried. I laid there with Carl's face in my hair and cried for all of the life and death I'd seen. For how much I'd hated every second of this, but loved it too. And despite how cheesy all of this sounds, I also cried because I missed Mojo.

Most people would call it a break down and, in this case, I'd have to agree with most people. Carl didn't stroke my hair or whisper calming things to me, he just let me cry, In fact, I think he cried at one point as well.

When I'd finished crying, I whispered, "We're a couple of hot messes," as I turned to lay on my back. Carl nodded, still holding me around my waist.

I must've dozed off, because I awoke sometime later to find Carl was still holding me, very much awake. I looked over at him and he kissed my cheek before taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but the walkers' and maybe my dad's. I love you. You were right, I can keep living, just like before. I'll try to be thankful for what I have and if I'm mean to you, just remember I'm not really mad at you. I'm angry with death for taking people away and angry at life for putting them here in the first place," he told me. His voice cracked multiple times, but it was still perfect. And he said he loved me. I always expected that when someone told me they loved me for the first time, I'd feel conflicted about it. I didn't, though.

"I love you, too" I whispered. I wanted him to know that because it was so true. He kissed my cheek again and I turned towards him, curling up in a ball.

"What makes everything even worse is that he was finally happy again. He wanted to live now and I was starting to enjoy his company again. I just keep thinking that. I miss him so much already," he told me, looking into my eyes with his sad ones,"but I knew I couldn't push you away just because my dad's gone. He liked you."

"He sure didn't act like it," I said with a smile. I wanted to be strong for Carl. He smiled a little and nodded.

"He didn't act like it, but he did. He just didn't know how to show it. He was still pretty screwed up," he explained. I nodded in agreement and Carl continued to talk about his dad, stories like the time when he'd let Carl drive the cop car out in a field. Lori had somehow found out and had been 'so mad' but Rick managed to get her to laugh about it.

After a long time of listening to Carl's stories and thoughts about Rick, we got up to eat. Carl hadn't eaten since before the cave, which I definitely did not approve of. We walked slowly out to the kitchen, where there was a box of macaroni and cheese with a note that simply said "Love, Daryl" I made the box for Carl and I, though he ate most of it. We also split a can of green beans. I'd always liked vegetables but I was beginning to like them more and more as the years went by. Canned vegetables were kind of a way of life now.

About halfway through our green beans, Beth came in with Judith. Beth smiled sadly and handed Judith over to me.

"She was up all night. I didn't want to just leave her crying so I stayed up all night. I'm going to get some rest as long as y'all are alright with that," Beth practically begged. I nodded and bounced Judith on my leg.