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  • Dedicated to Adam
                                    

*Frank's P.O.V*

Ever since Gerard and I've had sex, everything's been shits and giggles and fucking lollipops and rainbows and just lovey-dovey sweetness. Bliss and cuteness.

We have sex again. It's in the shower this time. We thought it was sorta symbolic.

I climb off Gerard and pant against the tiles on the wall. He does the same, wiping the jizz on my stomach up with his index finger and washing it off in the spray. I'm so worn out, I let myself slip down the tiles, landing my sore ass on the whites of the floor. I wince as I watch Gerard do the same.

"Shit, Frank." He pants, rubbing his eye. "You've got me so bad, dude. It just keeps getting better and better." Gerard grins like the Cheshire Cat and rubs my sore tail bone. It feels good so I lean into his touch.

I smile a bit back. "I know, but it gets me so tried." I sigh in satisfaction and roll my head around to stretch my neck. "I wish we could stay like this forever. Just glowing and spent."

His nails run up my spine and he adjusts the water so it was almost boiling. I sigh, the spray soothing my tired body. "Me too... But we can't. I gotta start packing."

I frown. Gerard got accepted into SVA. I remember when Gerard told me, there was lots of jumping and screaming and crying and cussing and I even think Gerard passed out. It was a good night. I know it was only the last week of April, but Gerard got some kind of early admission where he's leaving the day after his graduation for New York.

Of course I was excited for him. More than fucking excited actually, ecstatic. It's just hard to think he's leaving me and I know New York is only and hour away but he's still gone. But that was at the back of my mind. All I could really do was be happy now and think about that when the time comes. I know Gerard feels guilty for leaving me but if the thinks I'm going to let him give up his dream, he's a dumbass. I'll be fine. We'll be fine.

I grab his hand and held it in mine. He looks over at me with a sadden look. He knows how I feel, even though I didn't tell him. Gerard knew when things were wrong, I don't know how, but he just

knew.

He knew that he won't be around forever to protect me and that's okay. I have learned so much down the road from Gerard. I'm starting to get that confidence I was lacking when he first met me. I'm not that sad boy roped to a flag pole. I can save myself.

But that doesn't mean I don't think him doing it anymore.

I let my lips turn at the end and with a small breath, I speak.

"Let's do it."

He smiles back at me.

.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.

I honest do not know why we were fucking packing two weeks in advance.

Gerard had a clusterfuck of boxes sprawled around his room with labels like

NECESSARY with oil paints, a jar of Nutella and a Christmas sweater in it and

Action figures. Gerard tried to play basketball, missing the box each time. Trust me, ball is not life.

I drew on the side of the boxes with neon green permeant marker. I was currently working on something that was a self portrait... Or a zebra, I wasn't biased and shading in my nails ever change I could. I occasionally (every throw) got hit with a paint brush or a sock but honestly, I think Gerard was doing that on purpose.

One throw, he tossed his toothbrush, missing the box by a mile. It landed in the garbage and sunk the bottom. I wrinkled my nose.

"Can you get that, Frankie?" Gerard asked, putting his head into a box to count the comic books.

"Ew, oh my God. Your toothbrush fell in the garbage... And you're still gonna use it?" I say disgusted.

"Uh, duh!" Gerard echoes in the box, ruffling around the papers.

"Ew," I mumble under my breath but get up to get it. I fall to my knees in front of the waste bin and stick my hand in to try and retrieve the toothbrush. I swirl my hand around to try to grab at it but I latch on to a little bag. I furrow my eyebrows and bring my hand to the surface.

My eyes scan over the white powder in the baggy and they blow out of proportion. Is this what I think it is...?

"Gerard," I say very calmly. I start to panic on the inside. I know it's stupid but I feel tears rush to my eyes. If this bag is what I think it is, you'd cry too if the person you loved had it. "Gerard?"

"One second Frankie-"

"Gerard!" I say with a bit more force. I use the end of my sleeve to wipe the one loose tear. I look down at the baggy dumbstruck as Gerard lifts his head from the box.

"What?" The eighteen year old says a bit irritated. He looks at me when I look at him, face saddening. He's about to ask me what's wrong but than he sees the bag. His face pales right away and his eyes blow wide. He lifts himself up and trips over a box trying to get over to me. He falls to his knees in front of me, trying to snatch the bag away from me. I hold it tight in my hand.

"Frankie... Baby, it's not what it looks like!" Gerard pleas, making a grab for the bag. I feel another tear fall down my cheek and wipe it away quickly. I blink a couple of times to stop the tears, but it was hard... I had to be strong.

It takes me a second to compose my voice. "It's not?" I say a bit tauntingly. "Because, it looks like I found

cocaine in your garbage bin."

Gerard's eyes trace my face as his own face goes blank. "Okay, it's exactly what it looks like," he monotones but then a burst of energy goes through him. "But I can explain!"

I've been through this before, with the pot. I didn't let him explain himself last time. I jumped to conclusions and caused even more problems. "Then, explain."

Gerard looks a bit shocked but in a second, it's gone. He sits back on his heels and sighs.

He explains everything from how he got really fucked up because of his grandma dying and how he just needed something strong. So he did the cocaine once. He explained the feeling of it, the rush, the energy, better than anything he's ever tried.

"And I've only did it once, I'm not addicted... That's why it was in the trash." Gerard says with a huff.

"Well, you still should've told me." I frown. "Where was I that night? Surely you couldn't have just got fucked up on coke and stayed at him?"

Gerard's eyes widen a little and he hesitates at first, but then he opens his mouth. He gives a little smile. "I went to some convince store and got kicked out."

I giggle a bit and Gerard just smiles a bit guilty. "You're so stupid, oh my god."

Gerard lets out a sigh of relief and smiles a bit more. "That I am, I'm hat glad you aren't mad at me."

I bite my lip. "Mad? No. Disappointed? No, because it's not a habit. Upset? A bit because you had to turn to cocaine rather than talking to me."

Gerard nods in understanding. "I know, stupid mistake. I'll never do it again."

I believe him but, "Promise?" I put the coke bag in his open palm and he closes his fingers around it.

He gets up and walks into his washroom, dropping the baggy in the toilet. He flushes it and walks back over to me, wiping his hands off. He kneels next to me, kisses my head and whispers a small "Promise, love."

There's a warmth in my stomach as I start going back to work.

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