Survivor

Chapter 29

Shepard
I took in every moment I could as I walked to the shuttle deck on the roof of the hospital, which was reserved for high priority patients.
It seemed ridiculous to me at first, but now that I could see a few more blocks of London, the progress, I didn't care how ridiculous it seemed.
Beside me, supporting my weight was Garrus. I could feel him watching me as we made our way slowly to the waiting Kodiac, where I knew Cortez was in the pilot seat.
I felt a pang of sadness at having to leave when the work had just begun, but I knew Garrus was right when he said I wasn't in any shape to help.
It still killed me, though.
As we approached the Kodiac, the door slid open, and to my surprise, Miranda stepped out with her usual smug smile on her lips. As if she were telling a joke, and everyone else was the butt of that joke.
"Miranda," I greeted, unable to keep the surprise from my voice.
"Hello Shepard. I thought you were supposed to say out of trouble."
I gave a laugh and shook my head. "Trouble clings to me as much as arrogance clings to you, Lawson."
Miranda laughed and gave me a genuine smile, which was even more of a surprise. "I'll give you that one. Should have known better than to think you could avoid trouble. After all, I've been getting you out of it the moment you blew yourself out of your own ship."
"What was left of it," I corrected as Garrus helped me climb into the Kodiac.
"Well, minor details."
"Those minor details tell the difference between jumping out of a perfectly good ship for the hell of it or being sucked out into space saving the best pilot in the Alliance Navy and a dear friend." I raised a brow at Miranda, who seemed to be gleefully enjoying this.
Garrus cleared his throat. "Can we stop arguing about how Shepard died and get settled in?"
"Which time?" Miranda smarted back at Garrus, earning her a deadly glare.
"If looks could kill," I chuckled as I took a seat and strapped in.
Garrus cast me a curious look but said nothing as he and Miranda followed me in strapping in.
Soon, the Kodiac was lifting off the roof and we were on our way to the air station the Normandy was docked at.
  "Why are you here, Miranda?" I watched her carefully, but her face gave nothing away.
  "I'm here to escort you back to the Citadel safely. Where you were supposed to be staying put." She raised a brow at me for emphasis but I only shrugged, feeling as if I did nothing wrong.
  "I was attending the funeral of a well respected Admiral who had been supporting me and my crew from the start of this."
  Miranda shook her head. "So what, when Hackett falls over dead from a heart attack you'll be coming right back to Earth again to make yourself an open target?"
  I clenched my jaw and my fists. "Yes. I would attend Hackett's funeral if, heaven forbid, anything would happen to him."
  "You can't keep making stupid choices like this if you expect to survive, Shepard!"
  "And you can't keep expecting me to follow your orders!" I yelled back, my breathing hard and fast. "I did my time with Cerberus. I paid my debt. To you, to humanity, to the rest of the races in this damned Galaxy! I gave my life! Yes, you brought me back, but if you're going to hold it over my head as long as I'm alive, then you may as well just put a bullet through my brain and leave me lie this time."
  Everyone was silent, both Garrus and Miranda staring at me with shock written clearly on their faces.
  I unstrapped and moved to the front to take a seat next to Cortez, who kept a carefully neutral face.
  "I'm sorry you had to hear that," I murmured softly with a sigh.
  I ran a hand over my head, now covered in a fuzz of hair, thoroughly stressed.
  "You do what you have to do, Shepard. Don't worry. I'm the last person to judge." Cortez cast a kind, understanding look my way.
  I glanced back at Miranda and Garrus. Miranda had her jaw set and was staring at the display of the ground view while Garrus had his head in his hands.
  I turned back in my seat and shook my head, blowing out another breath.
  "Do you think I was too harsh?"
  Cortez shook his head. "No. You're right. You've given the Galaxy your all, already. You deserve a chance to make your own choices now."
  I chewed on the inside of my cheek, thinking. "I would do it again, you know."
  Cortez cast me a questioning glance.
  "I would join again and give my life again if I were asked to. It's all I know. I can't let innocent people die, it's just not in me," I murmured.
  "When do you stop and take care of you, though? You spend all your time helping others. Your crew, the people you rescue, your superiors. So when do you stop to help you?"
  I shook my head. "Helping others is so much easier and rewarding than helping yourself."
  Cortez chuckled. "I know that feeling. Just don't let it get too far, okay? It's okay to reach out and ask for help. Sometimes it's the only way to get through..."
  I smiled at Cortez. "And here I've been accused of being the inspirational one. Where have you been for the pre-battle speeches?"
  Cortez laughed. "Nah, those aren't for me, Commander."
  He seemed to catch himself after the title slipped from his mouth, but the smile never faltered on my face.
  To me, I had never left the Alliance Navy. It didn't matter if my title was stripped. My crew still respected and thought of me the same way. That was the one thing I knew wouldn't change.
Cortez glanced at me as if to see if it had bothered me at all but I grinned at him, the spark returning to me, and I'm sure it showed in my eyes.
"As you were, Cortez," I murmured.
He chucked and turned back to the controls. "Yes, ma'am."

  ((A/N: Hey guys!! Here's the new update!!! I should be able to update on time next Sunday, but if I don't it's because we're still in the middle of a move or too busy! I promise, if it doesn't come Sunday, I'll get it up ASAP! Though let's be honest, the only things to keep you off your phone during a 3-4 day trip would be a dead battery with no signal or no signal lol
Oh, and THANK YOU GUYS FOR 920 READS!!! I can't tell you enough how excited and proud I am every time I see that number go up!!
  Anywho! Thank you to all reading, and I encourage ya to hit that vote button and leave a comment if you liked this chapter! Keelah Se'lai! ;) ))