Survivor

Chapter 34

Shepard
I took a deep breath and let it out as I faced the docking port to the Normandy.
I felt Garrus lay a taloned hand on my shoulder and give it a reassuring squeeze before he entered the access code to the door, causing it to slide open, which made me jump a bit.
Get a hold of yourself, I thought angrily. You can't be scared of going back onto your own damn ship and facing your crew.
  I clenched my fists and held my head high as I entered the dock, feeling my nails bite into my right hand enough to bleed, but I only crossed my arms to keep Garrus from seeing.
  I knew he would smell the blood, and sure enough he cast me a questioning look as we reached the airlock door to the Normandy, but I simply cast him a reassuring smile.
  He entered the code and we both stepped into the airlock. The door slid shut behind us as decontamination began.
  I grabbed a small cloth and held it in my hand to catch the blood and keep it from being seen, earning me another concerned look, but Garrus didn't have time to say anything.
  The door to the Normandy interior slid open and we both stepped aboard, my presence announced by EDI to the whole crew.
  All eyes were on me now, and I folded my hands behind my back neatly and began to walk to the CIC, only to be stopped by the sound of Joker's voice calling out for me to wait.
  I turned to face him, while EDI helped him to me, his face a mixture of concern and discomfort.
  "Shepard! While it's good to see you aboard again, I'll just warn you that Miranda is still pretty PO'ed..."
  I grimaced. "That's a shame, because that's who I came to see. Where is she?"
  "She's down in the hangar bitching about the armory being fine how it was and the Normandy being created to perfection when Cerberus made it." Joker rolled his eyes at the statement with a shudder to emphasize his displeasure on the topic.
  I chuckled. "Alright. Well I'm heading down, so wish me luck. EDI should probably have some sort of gas ready to go if things get ugly..."
  "I do not understand if your request is serious, Commander." EDI said, sounding somewhat confused.
  I snorted a laugh. "Play it by ear."
  With that, I walked away, making my way to the elevator.
  It took everything in me to ignore the stares of my crew instead of acknowledging them as I usually would have.
It hurt to know that my crew wouldn't think of me the same way as before. Some would see me as immortal or someone to be revered, others would see me as a coward, I was sure. Not everyone would be believing that it was me that finished the Reapers off. And then some may even be afraid of me.
All these options were saddening but I kept walking until I was in the elevator with Garrus by my side.
He pressed the button to the hangar and we waited in silence.
I was sure he was aware of the emotions raging through me as he usually was, but he said nothing about it, only kept his gaze straight ahead as if he were a soldier on escort duty.
The doors slid open to Miranda snapping at Cortez something about the Kodiacs, to which he replied something calmly and politely, but I could see the relief in his eyes when he noticed me.
I jerked my thumb toward the door in a gesture for him to leave, which was acknowledges by a grateful smile and his quick escape.
Vega wandered over, unabashedly curious as to what I was doing now approaching Miranda.
"Oh, so the prodigal daughter returns," Miranda sneered.
"That's not funny, Miranda," Garrus growled, bristling with anger by the reference to the day I went missing on Earth.
I reached over and laid a gentle hand on his arm to calm him and stepped forward.
"I wasn't about to let things go any further. I needed to think and you weren't letting me do just that. I told you that you can't keep expecting me to follow your orders, and you disregarded that as if I were joking."
  Miranda opened her mouth as if to speak, but I help up a hand with a hard look, effectively stopping her.
  "The fact that you would so easily take away my choice to leave out the L2 implant when I was denying the idea doesn't make me want to give you any trust. It makes me wonder what's in it for you."
  Miranda seemed thoroughly offended now, and she folded her arms as she frowned at me. "Nothing is in it for me, Shepard. I'm keeping your best interests at heart since you don't seem to do that yourself."
  I shrugged. "Maybe it seems like that to you, but there's other options out there for me besides the L2. I have time to learn electronic skills or more hand to hand combat. Even both. While the L2 was something that was handy, it's something for me to discuss with Garrus without your pressure. If we decide to accept the L2 then I'll be sure to contact you to have the implant done."
  "You're not going to to consider it yourself? What the hell happened to the commander who does it all on her own?"
  "That woman put the ones she loves through hell. This will let them have a say as to what will make it easier on them now."
  Miranda snorted. "Practically a housewife already."
  I lunged at Miranda, too quickly for Garrus or Vega to do anything but shout at us as I activated the blade equipped in my new Omni-Tool.
  Miranda ducked under the blade and threw her body shoulder first into my stomach, knocking me onto my back.
  I threw my hips to the left, then quickly to the right while she tried to catch her balance from the first rocking, which landed me on top.
  Miranda threw her fist at my face, hitting my cheekbone with solid impact.
  My head snapped back for a moment, giving her the chance to throw me to the side and get in a couple of punches to the gut.
  The moment I saw her Biotics start to flare, I lunged at her with my Omni-Blade out, swinging it at her neck, only to have Vega pull her out of the way.
  I felt Garrus grab me around my waist and hold onto me, and I yelled out in rage as Vega hauled Miranda across the hangar to a shuttle.
  "Let me at that bitch! Fucking ungrateful piece of shit knows nothing of what had to be done in that damn war!" I thrashed and kicked at Garrus, while he held me tightly, struggling against my blows.
  "How about you try being buried alive in rubble to claw your own way out and scream for help for days?! To starve and beg for your own people to come looking for you but never getting that prayer answered! You arrogant bitch!"
  Across the hangar I could see Liara and EDI joining Vega as he pushed her away from him and pointed to the shuttle she had used to board the Normandy.
  She yelled something back at them, gesturing to me, but her words were drowned out by the words Garrus was speaking, but I couldn't concentrate on them.
  Finally, Miranda stormed off to the shuttle, while I still thrashed and cursed her in my rage.
  As soon as the shuttle left the hangar, Garrus released me, to which I spun around to face him with my fist raised at the ready.
  His eyes caught my ready fist but he didn't flinch nor make a move to get out of the way.
  I caught myself instead of throwing the punch and growled out a shout of frustration before I spun on my heel and left the hangar in a blaze of fury.
  I heard Vega's voice call after me but I didn't stop.
  I was in no mood to deal with anyone. If I did, I was likely to just hurt them.
  Maybe the crew really did have a reason to fear me.
  After all, a spark of fear began deep down inside me, where I was conscious of the way I was behaving at the moment, driven only by anger.
  If I was capable of hurting a woman I had once despised, what else would I be capable of?
If I was afraid of myself, why shouldn't anyone else be afraid of me?

((A/N: I didn't do it... They decided to fight all on their own lol I'm just the one writing down what's going on! Haha, anyways, I hope this chapter was interesting to you guys and I hope y'all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Thank you guys for reading, and if you liked this chapter, as usual don't forget to leave a vote and a comment!! I love to hear from you! Keelah Se'lai!))