NB: The Search (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 9: A Light in the Darkness

“I have to get going,” I say.

“Okay,” Day says on the other end of the phone line. I don’t really want him to hang up, but I have to go to sleep. “Sweet dreams.”

“You too,” I say. I hang up. I can’t stop myself from smiling. I get up and turn off my lights. I take off my shirt and jeans and lie down in bed under the covers.

I try to shut down my brain, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I think about his eyes and his smile and the feel of his hand against my skin.

It’s already pretty late. I just need to stop thinking.

A couple of minutes pass.

What’s wrong with me? I just want to sleep. Why won’t my brain turn off?

I shift around in bed, flip my pillow. It’s weird, both sides of my pillow feel like the wrong side tonight. I pound the pillow in the center to make it more comfortable. It kind of works. I decide to just lie still, close my eyes and think of nothing until I fall asleep.

It doesn’t work. It feels like hours are passing.

“Wake up,” an almost soundless voice says. It’s barely a whisper, but it resonates through my body.

I open my eyes. There’s a little ball of light above my bed. It reminds me of a fairy.

“Who are you?” I ask. It seems a lot nicer than asking what it is.

“I have been sent to guide you. There is darkness in this world. You must learn to wield the light. I will train you.” The light doesn’t move, but I can tell that the voice is coming from it.

“Train me?” I ask. “What do you mean? Do you know where the Sword of God is?”

“You must find the Sword of God yourself. Meet me where we met before.”

“Where did we meet before?” I ask. The light isn’t being very helpful. “Are you the man from the forest?”

“Yes."

“I don’t remember where we met,” I say. It’s a really big park.

“Follow my light.” With that, the light flies through my window. It passes through the glass like nothing.

I get out of bed. I throw on my clothes as fast as I can while trying to be quiet. I can’t let my Mum wake up. When I get outside, the ball of light is still hovering above my front lawn. As soon as I come out, it starts to fly. I wonder if anyone else can see it, but there is nobody else around. I hope I’m not crazy.

The park probably isn’t the best place to go alone late at night, but I’m on a quest. I don’t see the foolishness. I’m trusting. The light is saying something everyone wants to hear, ‘you’re special.’ It’s telling me I can be more than what I am and I’m following it blindly without knowing what that really means.

Once we’re far enough in, the ball of lights emits a blinding flash, searing my eyes momentarily. When my vision starts to settle, the man is standing in front of. Nude, his glowing skin shimmers against the night around it.

As a get closer, he starts to look more human. He doesn’t look like he is much older than me, but somehow I can feel that he has an old soul.

“There is power inside you,” the man says. “You must learn to wield your light if you ever wish to wield the Sword of God.”

“Who are you?” I ask again.

“Your guide,” the man says. I feel like I’m back in school with the teachers using the same explanation over and over no matter how many times you say you don’t get it. I want more information.

“Do you have a name?” I ask.

“No,” the man says. “I am an angel. We do not strive to be different or unique. We strive to be one. One with each other. One with the light. One with the restored universe.”

“The restored universe?” I ask.

“That isn’t important now,” the angel says. “You must find the Sword before the darkness, and you must learn to wield it or we may lose this world forever.”

“How?”

The angel reaches out and touches me. He puts his hand on my chest. I can feel warmth inside me.

Did he drug me? Am I high? I think momentarily, but the feeling is so much more than that. I am connected to something more, it's peaceful and all encompassing. It’s perfect. I feel it flowing through me but it extends far beyond my body.

“Reach out,” the angel says.

I extend my hand. The light is in the air, I can’t see it with my eyes, but I know it’s there. It moves as I move, an aura that resonates through all existence.

The angel gestures towards a rock on the road. It’s several feet away.

“Take it,” the angel says. I start to move towards it. He stops me. “Use the light.”

Somehow, I know what to do. I embrace the light and extend my consciousness out. I reach out through the light, mixing my essence with that in the air and in the rock and I then I begin to pull the light back and bring the stone to me. To an outside observer, the rock might appear to be floating through the air, but there’s so much more going on. I’m feeling things I’ve never fathomed before. It’s like discovering a new sense. When the rock is close enough, I take it in my hand and close my fingers around it.

The light is so warm and comforting. Through it, I know I’m a part of something wondrous.

The angel removes his hand and suddenly I’m cold and alone. I drop the stone and fall to my knees. I suddenly realize that I have been missing something very precious in my life that I never knew about. I curl up into a fetal position, cold and empty.

Why did he do this to me? I was fine before. Why did he have to show me how alone I am?

“Stand up,” the angel commands. I look up at him for a moment, deciding what to do. I stand up, hoping he’ll connect me with the light again.

I can barely even look at him. His glow reminds me of what I’m missing. I want it back. I need the light. “Can you do that again?” I ask at last.

“You must learn to find the light within yourself,” the angel says. I thought I had. I could feel my light.

“How?” I ask.

“You must find your bliss. You must find joy without wanting, contentment with merely being, and a self that exists beyond that being.”

“I don’t understand,” I say.

“Start by clearing your mind.” I sit on the ground. Several minutes pass. I really suck at clearing my mind. I’m starting to get really tired. Great, now I’m sleepy. When I was trying to actually sleep, all I could think about was Day.

I try to clear my mind, but the image of Day comes back. I just think about his smile for a second and then I feel a warmth. For a fraction of an instant, I can almost feel the light again.

“That’s good,” the angel says. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about my friend,” I say. I don’t really know what me and Day are.

“You must learn to find that feeling without thinking of others. People are impermanent. The light must be founded on something eternal.”

“I understand,” I say. I have no clue what he means.

“Go home,” the angel says. “Try to find the light on your own. We will meet again tomorrow at midnight.”