NB: The Search (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 39: The Unthinkable

“I told you, you should have let him die,” Nick says in his drug induced stupor. 

Day has to try very hard in order to stop himself from attacking the pathetic broken man in front of him.  Day has been spending all of his time sitting perched on a rooftop watching to make sure I am safe.  Now that I am willing to help with the fight, Day has to prepare for coming battle.

“Did you know Petrus would resurrect?” Day asks.

Nick laughs.  He closes his eyes and embraces the light so that he doesn’t have to face reality.  “Do you really think Petrus trusts me with his plans?  I would kill him if I could.”

“Then why don’t you join us?” Day asks.  “Together, we can cast him out from this world.”

Nick looks at Day with a cool stare.  “It doesn’t matter where he is.  He’s got control of my soul.  He can kill me with a thought if I defy him.  And not a trivial loss of body death, he can shatter my soul so that there’s nothing left of me but bits of energy scattered across the chaos with no link to what they were once a part of.  I’m not joining you.  I’m just going to play nice and keep my head down.”

“For how long?” Day asks.  “How long can you keep you going on as Petrus’s good little pet?  Do you really want to serve him for all time?”

“I don’t serve him,” Nick says.  “I just do what I have to.  I don’t want to die.  Is that so bad?  I mean, look at all the trouble you’ve caused because you wanted to stay close to your lover.  If you would have just let Legion cast the boy out from this world, we wouldn’t have any of these issues.”

“I couldn’t,” Day says.  “I couldn’t even think about doing it.”

“Of course not,” Nick says.  He thinks he understands Petrus.  “It was all part of the plan.  I was part of it.  You were part of it.  The Sword was in on it.  We’re all playing the roles we’re meant to play because we can’t help ourselves.  I won’t fight because I don’t want to die.  He knows that.  You know that.  Now just move on.  I suggest you run too, because he knows what he’s doing.  He knows what you’re going to do.”

“If it’s all the same, I would rather die fighting than running,” Day says.  “Wouldn’t you?”

“All things being equal, who the fuck knows.  What I know is that if you keep out of his way you get to live a little longer.  And if you live a little longer today and then a little longer tomorrow, it starts to add up.  Eventually living a little longer becomes living a lot longer.  At the very least, you live longer than all of the fools who fight when they should run.  And you know, I want to stay alive for as long as possible.”

“Last time we talked, you told me that I had to do the unthinkable to stop Petrus.  I didn’t, but maybe you still can.  Join us.  Surprise him.  We can stop him if we act together.”

“But then I die.”

“At least you’ll die as your own person.”

“Does my life mean so little to you, that you would surrender it for your own vanity?  You would rather I die than admit that your facing a foe that has outmanoeuvred you.  You can still run.  You can live.  We can all live.  You can do the unthinkable.  You can admit defeat and move on without this foolish confrontation.”

“Maybe I’m vain, but if I admit defeat, it will mean hundreds of years of sorrow for so many people.  I tried leaving well enough alone for a thousand years.  I let Petrus roam free.  I can’t do it again, that’s unthinkable.  If I have to die rather than stand back and watch Petrus go unchecked, then so be it.  We haven’t been the guardians this world deserves.  But we can be better.  We came here looking for bios, we came looking for hope.  Well, this is hope.  This is why we’re here.  In the end, maybe that’s the only weapon we have against Petrus.”

Nick bursts out into laughter.  “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  We came here to find a way to live.  You’re walking into death.  Don’t be an idiot.  You’re strong, but Petrus has been planning this for a long time.”

“I’m being serious,” Day says.

“Well then it’s not funny.  It’s sad.  This world has truly made you a fool."

Day won't listen anymore.  It's hard for him to believe that an angel like Nick, once full of good intentions, had fallen this far.  “Have you really become this jaded?”

“Yes.  I am that jaded and so much more.”

“I pity you.  You’ve been in this world for thousands of years, but you don’t understand anything about bios.  You better hope we succeed or else you’re going to Petrus’s lap dog until all the universe fades into oblivion.”

Nick laughs absent mindedly. 

Damien knows that he can’t reason with Nick.  Day gets up and walks to the door.  He needs Nick’s help and he has one last card to play.